Should I declare my love for him?

Agatha, gataedo@yahoo.com, agatha.edo@gmail.com, Tel: 08054500626 Dear Agatha, I am a 33 year old single lady. I have this friend who is very close to me. We share everything in common. We met while we were at the university. He was a year my senior. Since the day we met at the university, we have remained firm friends; have gone through several heartbreaks together and rallied behind each other during such moments. Everybody thought we were dating, including my roommates but they soon discovered we were just platonic friends. Every relationship we went into took cognizance of our special friendship and bond. Unfortunately for both of us, we are still single. He at 35, is still searching while at my age, I haven’t found the right man for me from among the many suitors I am getting. For me it goes beyond not finding the right person. I have found that special person, in my best friend. I love him with all my heart which is why no other man interests me. His friend, who is very close to both of us once told us to stop deceiving ourselves and hurting innocent people by agreeing to relationships we know won’t work. He told us to our faces that we are both too much in love with each other but are either too stupid or blind to notice. I have noticed Agatha, that without him, no other man that will ever be good enough for me. He is currently not in any relationship. All our friends are married. We are the only ones left. My elder sister who is my best-friend and in the know says, I should end our joint nightmare by telling him how I feel about him. There is no doubt we are close but how do I tell him that l love him? I don’t want anything that will end our relationship at all. I rather, we remain friends than not have him in my life at all. I know he is very shy while I am the outspoken and daring one but, this is something I don’t even know where to begin from. Besides, is it right for a woman to approach a man for a relationship? Won’t he take me for granted after a while, think I am becoming desperate to even suggest such a thing? What would people say about us after years of denying that we are just friends? I am so confused because I cannot exist without him; I love him with every fiber of my body. He is not just handsome, a pure ladies man but an angel at heart which is why I wonder why none of the ladies that flock round him hasn’t been able to capture his heart. Though I am glad he is still single. Please help me Agatha to be happy. Susan. Dear Susan, People will always talk, so perish that line of thoughts from your mind. Don’t make what people will say a reason for you not to pursue your happiness if this is the man that will give it to you. These same people will blame you for being timid in later years, if he ends up marrying another woman. Also, don’t let what he would say bother you from telling him about your feelings for him. Nothing ventured, nothing gained. Your friendship over the years has given you the right and liberty to confide your feelings for him to him. The worst that can happen is, for him to turn down your request. Civilization has put paid to stereotypes that give men the exclusive rights to approach women; these days, women are approaching the men they like for relationships. Being your old time friend makes it easier; if nothing else, your boldness will help both of you put your feelings in the right perspective. One of you must take the initiative to help clear the dense air now surrounding your lives as a result of the many things you are both refusing to say to each other out of fear. It is sad enough that you are both hurting other people who really wanted something serious from the relationships they went into with the two of you. It would be more terrible to end your lives in emotional mysteries simply because you both lack the courage to face and tackle your feelings for each other. On the issue of him mocking your audacity to come clean with your feelings or think you are desperate, why should he? What this line of thoughts simply suggests is that you really don’t know this man after the many years you have been friends. More than anyone else, you should be able to vouch for him. Considering how long you have been friends, your opinion of him has in a way become the barometer others use in arriving at their conclusion of his person. If you are saying this of the man you call your best-friend, the most important guy in your life; then something is wrong somewhere. If you are both indeed friends, nothing about his thoughts and opinion should bother you at all. If he actually accuses you of being desperate, concur but let him know that it is that desperation to be free of the burden of your feelings for him that has made you come clean with your love for him. Let him know that your desire to have a man and home of yours is what is making you eliminate every situation that is holding you back. That, if telling him how you feel about him will give you the freedom to consider other men then, you don’t have any regrets. And that, being friends with him has given you the liberty to do just that; tell him you love him. Chances are that this man is also in love with you but like you, he is confused on how to go about it. This is one of the burdens friendship with an opposite sex places on the friends involved-fear to tell the other person when feelings change from platonic to something deeper. Real fear of losing you, of you accusing him of taking you for granted maybe what is stopping him from taking the bull by the horn. From the many cases I have seen, when a man and woman are as close as you both are, the onus is always on the woman to make the first move. This is because the man has become too fond of the woman to risk allowing his feelings destroy their friendship. More often, respect for the woman stops a man from declaring his love for his female friend. He rather sacrifices his happiness by marrying another woman, he isn’t in love with than risk losing the friendship of this female friend. Besides, there is nothing dogmatic about life. What works for one person may not work for another person. Simply because majority of women get proposed to by men doesn’t mean you should ignore the tiny minority of women who proposed to their men and are today glad they did. Don’t neglect the possibility of another woman bolder than you, doing what you don’t want to do. However, there is another way you can get him to open up to you by asking him playfully what is keeping him from proposing to one out of the many women that flock around him. He might also throw it back at you. Answer him by asking him if he would marry you since he appears to be the only man left in your life. Through this kind of jokes both of you will eventually have the opportunity to really talk and reveal the secrets you have both been keeping from each other. This method, in addition to eliminating the fears you have of the propriety of proposing to him; will make it easier for both of you to embrace the reality of your situations. Frankly, he may not even until that point realize the reason for his inability to accept another woman into his life. The question maybe just the nudge he needs to put his feelings into proper perspective. Some of us are so slow to realize the truth even when it is looking us right in the face. Use your wit and boldness to make things happen for both of you; remember it can’t get worse than it is. It can only get better since discussing your feelings will make your options clearer and more definite. Good luck.