Please, how do I become a good husband?

With Auntie Agatha, gataedo@yahoo.com, agatha.edo@gmail.com, Tel: 08054500626 Dear Agatha, Please how can I be a good husband? Eme. Dear Eme, So many factors come into play in every marriage. Some are general to all marriages while others are peculiar to the individuals involved. Therefore, to be a good husband, you must take time out to know everything there is to know about your wife. Get to read her like a book, making efforts to know precisely what God’s storyline for her life is. This is absolutely important for proper integration of your person into hers. This is the foundation of being happy and having a peaceful marriage. Knowing God’s purpose for her will determine how far you can push her or what to expect from her at any given time. Besides it will assist you in knowing when she does something deliberately and when it is in line with her nature. Like men, there are no two kinds of women. Every person is different; this is the mystery of God, hence each person’s reaction to an issue will always be dissimilar. By learning to appreciate her dissimilarity to everything you have been used to, including all the women that have graced your life, you open yourself to learning new things about her and from her ways. It is like watching a child grow. Every stage of a growing child is laced and patterned with different hues of which brings new excitement to the parents. As a good husband, you should be able to notice when she is making the extra effort to please you or change for your sake. Most often, problems arise when a woman thinks her husband isn’t paying her the kind of attention she deserves. A woman likes to be complimented on her looks, new hairstyles, cooking and housekeeping. She practically comes into bud when complimented by the man who has her heart. Without much effort from you, she will go the extra mile to make sure he is happy and contented with everything at home. But she gets very hurt, edging and troublesome when she is ignored or not appreciated. No woman wants to hurt or misbehave to a man who cares so much for her. Therefore, learn to be caring, attentive and appreciative of whatever efforts she puts into the marriage. Even when you think she isn’t doing enough, first show appreciation for the little she is doing before voicing whatever complaints you have. This way, she will listen better than you just complaining about all her efforts. That you are the man of the house doesn’t mean you should be lacking in respect for her person or values. At all times, learn to be respectful of her position as your deputy. Without her, there would be no home or family. Therefore, protect her position by limiting your anger as well as displeasure with the way she is doing certain things to the bedroom. Not even your children should witness your quarrels because they were not there when both of you met or made the decision to spend your lives together. When a man exposes his wife to the mockery of others, by fighting or beating her in the presence of others, he is unwittingly destroying his home. Don’t ever make the mistake of beating her. The tongue of a woman is very sharp and indiscriminate. When let loose, it can cause great damage. Learn to develop the strength and will to resist her anger. Because a woman talks before she thinks. If you know you cannot withstand the pains of her tongue, when she gets angry, walk away or leave the room for her. Not many men have the capacity to tolerate the kinds of words that come out of a woman’s mouth when angry. By electing to walk away from the scene, you are giving your marriage the chance to survive against all odds and buying respect for yourself and family. The truth is that nobody hears or is a witness to the caustic and provocative tongues of the woman but everybody does when the man reacts by beating her. At the end of the day, the man gets the label of being violent and irresponsible. Be wise and avoid what will make others gather in your house to settle any marital rift. That you are avoiding confrontation doesn’t mean you make yourself weak, it just shows that you are man enough to manage your internal problems judiciously. It also indicates your ability, to compartmentalise your life, giving each subject its place. The man who takes pride in using muscles to settle marital problems is seen as weak and unbalanced. It infects every aspect because when sourcing for qualified hands to handle sensitive positions, domestic violence could stand in his way of progress. Men who command the absolute respect of their wives are those who have mastered the act of controlling their tempers. The fact that you don’t even raise your voice when arguing with your wife is enough to keep the woman in check and very respectful of you. As a husband, learn to show understanding always. Like you, she has her moments and moods, particularly as a woman. There are particular times of the month when hormonal imbalances influence a woman to behave out of tune. This is when she needs you to bear with her, understand her and offer whatever help you can no matter how minute. Because, more often than not, women don’t even understand these changes themselves. It is essential her husband make the effort to help her by making efforts to observe the particular time of the month when she becomes edgy. Although some men think it is unnecessary and something that has little to do with them, the truth is they are very wrong. When the woman of the house is happy, it affects everybody at home, just as her bad moods taint all. By going that extra mile to make it your business, you would be protecting your marriage from the wear of having too many contentious issues to resolve. With just a measure of little attention and action by both parties involved, some of the challenges that later become home-breakers can be averted. You also have to imbibe the habit of confiding and talking to her. Remember as your partner for life, she has a greater stake in your affairs. Engage her in all discussions because when the chips are down, she will be the only one standing by you. By talking to her, she becomes your best friend and confidant in addition to being your partner. As a friend, you are most likely to forgive her anything because this is what friends are meant for. In the bedroom, make sure you aren’t selfish. Good marriages take two to manage. Allow her the lead sometimes by encouraging her to experiment with ideas of her own. And when you take the lead, make sure you place her satisfaction too on the front burner. Always ask her if she is okay with whatever you are doing as a husband. To keep the romance burning, take her out occasionally, buy her gifts, send her romantic messages just as if you were both still dating. Also, by developing a keen sense of joke, you make things that ordinarily should be difficult easy to do. And as a father, always make out time for the children. Get to know their friends, what they are doing in school by attending some of their ceremonies. Create a family time for you all to talk and grow as a team. And as the head of the home, ensure you show the right example by your involvement in the things of God. There must be a family time to pray and fellowship with God daily, because He remains the head of every home. Besides, He is the only one you should allow into your marriage. Keep third parties out of your marriage at all times for peace to reign. In addition, always insist on settling every disagreement so it doesn’t build up to a level you both lose yourselves in the problems. Good luck.