Has she another boyfriend?

With Agatha Edo, Email: womaneditor@independentngonline.com, gataedo@yahoo.com or agatha.edo@gmail.com Dear Agatha, I met a girl on one of the social networks four months ago. Then, I was serving in Kaduna State while she was serving in Lagos State, but now, I am based in Lagos. I invited her to my office and she came. When she celebrated her birthday few weeks ago, I wanted to take her out that day, a Sunday, but she told me she would be with her boyfriend. Agatha, I like her and I desire to date her. What should I do? Do you think she has a boyfriend or she was just trying to pull my legs? Curious Boy. Dear Curious Boy, What makes you think she would lie about having a boyfriend? Isn’t she old enough to have one? What do you think would be her motive of lying to you about having a man in her life if she doesn’t? Often than not, the impression that women lie to mask their feelings for a man is an old line that has caused many men to lose the women that would have given them happiness in life. Not many women take kindly to being called liars especially the ones that have a very clear sight of where they are going to in life. Under normal circumstance, she should be in a very serious relationship, one that would lead to marriage in the not distant future by now. The fact that she disclosed the information on her birthday, when she would naturally want to celebrate, means she is telling the truth about the state of her private affairs. If she didn’t want you to know, is considering having a relationship with you, she wouldn’t have mentioned her boyfriend, rather she would come up with a reason other than the truth to explain her inability to spend her day with you. Besides, if she is in such a relationship, you don’t expect her to end it simply because you are interested in her. You won’t be the first man to have expressed an interest in her; other men before you too must have expressed their intentions in her. If she keeps considering every man that makes a pass at her, when will she be serious and settle down? Your feelings for her are natural. As long as a woman is attractive, no matter her age, men will always express a desire to have a space in her life. It is the way God made women and men. Therefore, what you feel for her is very natural but you must also accept the fact that she doesn’t need a reason not to feel that way about you. How would you feel if another man makes a move to take over your girlfriend? That she told you about wanting to be with her man on her birthday underscores her seriousness. The earlier you accept this, the better for you. It is important so you don’t destroy the friendship you are both trying to build with each other. Not every expression of love will end in a relationship, but every meeting can lead into a lifetime of quality and purposeful friendship. If you like and want her in your life, keep her as a friend. She doesn’t have to be your lover to share in your ideas and provide the necessary support. Some friendships have the capacity to last a lifetime when well managed by the pair involved. Respect and allow her be. Every relationship needs encouragement to grow and succeed. As a friend, you owe her this. Good luck. Dear Agatha, I have a boyfriend who either switches off his phone or simply refuses to respond to me whenever we have a misunderstanding and I apologise. I am at a loss on how to handle this situation. Worried Girl. Dear Worried Girl, This is a sign that you have to consider so many things before going deeper into this relationship because it is ominous — a sure signal that things are not the way they should be in your relationship. You don’t ignore things like this simply because you want to be in a relationship. At the end of the day, they become the very problems that will break up the relationship. They may appear minor but will become monsters of tomorrow. Since arguments and disagreements are vital parts of relationship building, now that you have the opportunity to either remedy the situation or reconsider your options, ask him why he thinks you deserve to be treated the way he is doing whenever you both have an argument. His answers will give you a reason, a peep into his mind. Ideal love should not seek to punish but to correct. By ignoring your calls even after you have offered apologies isn’t right. He should know exactly how you feel and the many disturbing questions you are jogging around your mind. What will be will be! Keeping quiet about it will not make it go away just as talking about it will end the relationship if God says you are both going to remain an item. My fear is, if you don’t set things right now, you will never be able to in the future. Good luck.