He opted out without explanation…

With Auntie Agatha, gataedo@yahoo.com, agatha.edo@gmail.com, Tel: 08054500626 Dear Agatha, I have a boyfriend, who is good and I care so much for him. I love him more than I do my parents. I recently fell ill, contrary to what I expected, he didn’t even bother about me. I really didn’t mind this, irrespective of how I felt about his attitude. My love for him didn’t diminish in anyway. However, he recently called me to announce his lack of interest in me any longer. He didn’t even bother to give me any explanations. What can I do? Please help me, because I still love him. Dammy. Dear Dammy, You are in that phase of life when hearts are broken and mended. When good dreams almost become a kind of nightmare; when love like a beautiful flower loses its firmness and fragrance overnight. You cannot do anything about his decision. Even if you think there is something you can do, for your own sake, don’t. Allow him be. He obviously isn’t into you, as you are with him, for reasons best known to him. Besides, the kind of love you described you have for him is akin to acute case of obsession – the kind that pockets reason. It can be very frightening for someone who has never experienced that kind of expression before. He is keeping away because you appear to be garroting him with what you feel for him. At the point he is now, the strong scent of your feelings for him is making him blind to your person, so much so he appears to have lost the real you in the shadow of your love. If you don’t grant him the freedom to get some sniff of fresh air, he could end up hating you at the end of the day. The danger of holding on too tightly to him now is that of losing him finally. Chances are after a while he may want to reconsider you, but first you have to let go of him for him to meet the person behind the feelings. Besides, it takes a special man, one with so much wisdom and understanding to appreciate your kind of woman who is so obvious with her feelings. More often than not, most men either think the woman is desperate or use her open mindedness to maltreat her. In addition, your feelings haven’t really given him a chance to meet the real you, this is important for the growth of any relationship. Give him the chance to meet all the sides there are to see in you. Granted you may love him more than you do your parents, but you may not in his opinion be good enough for him. There may be other aspects of you he isn’t comfortable with. Give him time to munch on what he likes the most about you. Besides, you will also need the time to scrutinise him beyond what you feel for him. For you as the woman, a relationship should be beyond what you feel to what works. You may love a man, but you have to be convinced by his character and attitude towards you that your feelings for him aren’t wasted. What if he at the end of the day says you should come back and begins to treat you as his doormat? As a woman, you must from this early begin to place some values on yourself. There is no harm in loving a man, but there is so much emotional damage in the long run by ignoring impending signs of danger. Being in love doesn’t mean you should ignore the fundamental fact of his indifference to you. If at this early stage in your relationship, he ignores you when ill, what do you think would happen when the relationship is older? This is the stage he should be at your beck and call, be attentive to your needs. This action is worth looking at and taking note of. Such seemingly unimportant points, at the end of the day, make the scale when considering the significant issue of marriage. No matter how much you care for a man, don’t ever allow him to get away with maltreating you, no matter how slight or insignificant. Once you allow him get away with it, it becomes a routine and pattern in the relationship. Every relationship must be balanced and well spelt out, each segment given its attention for the growth of the relationship. Right now, both of you need the time out to properly evaluate your feelings for each other. Don’t worry if you are both meant to be things will sure work out. Good luck.