Re: He left to England after our wedding ten years ago

Dear Agatha, God bless you for the good work you are doing in this forum. This is to make a contribution to the above topic. You rightly told the lady that she has wasted too much time waiting for a man that does not intend to show up, thereby keeping her life at a standstill. My advise to the lady is to find her way out of the marriage and move on with her life. At 40, even if she has a challenge getting married, she could still have a child of her own. I say this because I have seen this scenario thrice with relations and friends. To explain what is going on, the men in question already have families abroad. Most likely, they are married to foreigners. And in reacting to pressure from home to marry a Nigerian, they come home and marry to please their people. In one of the cases I mentioned above, the man wanted someone to look after his sick mother. The wickedness of the whole thing is that they do not consider the life of the lady that is wasted. They capitalise on the craze of our ladies to go abroad. In the first of the three cases I mentioned above, the man kept on telling the lady he could not come home and she could not join him due to his immigration status. When eventually, the lady was able to get to the man’s base with help from her own brothers, she found the man very happily married without any intention of disrupting his marriage. Unfortunately for her, at this time, she was already nearing menopause and so has no children to show for the many years she had been ‘married.’ In the second case, the lady was very smart and determined early enough that the man only wanted a glorified house-help for his mother. She quickly ended the marriage after a few years and re-married. At the last count, she had four children of her own with her new husband. The third lady refused to believe the obvious. The man had asked her to resign her lucrative job in Lagos and relocate to the East to live with his sick mother. When she protested, he labelled her a disobedient wife. To please her husband, she agreed. She realised what was going on when sadly, her mother-in-law died. After the burial, her husband never showed up again and stopped sending her anything even though she was lucky to have had a daughter. After more than 15 years, when the man died, she could not decide whether she had been married or not and whether she was his widow or not. She was lucky she had her daughter who is now an undergraduate as the only outcome of that ugly phase in her life. In conclusion, much as our ladies will continue to crave for foreign husbands and be lured with the prospect of going abroad, there is a need to be very careful. They should set targets with the men before they go back to their base. A word is enough for the wise. Chinyere