Claiming another man’s child, my undoing

With Agatha Edo,Email: womaneditor@independentngonline.com,gataedo@yahoo.com or agatha.edo@gmail.com,08054500626 Dear Agatha, About 22 years ago, I agreed to marry my wife despite knowing she was pregnant for another man. When I met with her again after two years of living abroad, she was having issues with the man over his readiness to marry her immediately. She wanted him to marry before the pregnancy became obvious while he didn’t think he was prepared for it, although he didn’t deny being responsible for the pregnancy. It was while they were arguing over this that I came back from the United Kingdom. She and I had been friends before I left. It was while I was away she met this other man. Since doctors in England had ruled out my being able to father a child, I persuaded her to pass off the pregnancy as mine. It wasn’t so difficult since she was already having issues with the father of the child. Besides, she stood to gain more as my wife. I immediately put all plans in motion to marry her. Although the man and members of his family came to protest and claim the pregnancy; I and my wife denied them. My wife denied ever being pregnant for him. She told him, she was only testing him and that he failed when he said he wasn’t prepared to marry. I practically pushed the man out when he came to my house and even got the police to arrest them for disturbing my peace. Although he swore something would make me and my woman come looking for them if the pregnancy was indeed his; I ignored him. Twenty-two years down the road, something terrible has happened. Immediately after the child’s graduation, actually at his graduation party, my son ran mad. We had to bring him home when his friends called from England to inform the mother and I of the incident. Since then we have done everything humanly possible to make him regain his mental state of mind but nothing is working. If anything, he is getting worse. Recently, the mother went spiritual. At the different places she visited, she was told that until she returns the child to his biological family, we will not know any peace. The worst, they say, is yet to happen. According to them, I will end up losing my wealth if I insist on keeping this child. Already my wife has started developing signs of mental illness herself. A few days ago, she spent all day talking to herself; things that don’t make sense to me. At other times, she would be begging for forgiveness from people I can’t see. I am running out of my mind. I don’t know what to do at all. Even if I want to return the boy, he is all I have got. What do I tell my family members? Who will be my heir and won’t it expose me to the world? In addition, I don’t even know how to locate the man and his parents. I have invested too much in that boy to hand him over to anybody. If he were with them, they wouldn’t have been able to give him the kind of life I have given him. Is there any other way out? Can this situation be remedied? Please help me, Agatha. Bashy. Dear Bashy, All these could have been avoided in the first place. It was wrong for you to deny the father and his family the right to this child. It would have been a different thing if the father denied paternity of it when the mother informed him of her state. What he did was only to protest his readiness at the time to marry her, not that he wasn’t responsible for the child. It was wrong asking her to marry you when you knew she was already pregnant for another man. Although your wife acted with greed by agreeing to pass off another man’s child as yours, as the man you ought to have known better. In this other man’s shoes, how would you have felt, knowing that your first fruit in life is with another man? What you did is equal to killing him while still alive. Since you knew the fraud you and your wife had committed, you shouldn’t have treated his family especially his father when he came to see you with disdain. Forcing him out of your house when deep down you knew you stole something so precious from them was adding to the consequences of your act. Not only did you steal from them but also humiliated the entire family with both your money and influence. Even if this other man and his family didn’t take any steps to retaliate, God who sent that child into that family and who hates injustice in whatever form, would certainly do something to ensure nobody re-orders his original plans for that boy. Allowing you to train him was for a purpose. His family may not have your kind of money to give him the opportunities your money gave him but the fact remains he belongs to another man, not you. Rich or poor, he is the child of his father, his first born and son. To steal him away from them on account of being rich is wrong. That you are unable to impregnate a woman isn’t an excuse at all. You could easily have adopted a child who has no family to claim it. Had you done that, you would have avoided all these. Besides, why should what people think of you matter? The important thing in life is to stand on the side of God always. Doubtless children are a special gift from God but when they don’t come, God has also provided alternatives in abandoned babies and orphans. These children are meant to be loved and cared for. If you were so bothered about what people would say, all you should have done was to send your wife and the adopted baby outside the country to mask the history of the child. No matter what it will cost you in terms of pride and money, please do everything possible to locate the father of the child to plead for forgiveness. Once one is determined, there is no situation that cannot be resolved. You invested in his future because you wanted to not because the boy’s father or family asked you to. So you have only yourself to blame. When your wife calms down, ask her what the name of the man is as well as the village he comes from. She will know. There is no way she won’t know because if she is truthful to herself, she knows a day like this would come; when the father will come to ask for his son. The day is now. Once she tells you, don’t delay in erasing the mistake of the past. Since the child is not mentally healthy to handle the information, go to the family. I am positive once they are informed, whatever is responsible for the mental state of the child will become a thing of the past. It isn’t too late to adopt a child of your own. Besides, since this child has lived with you since birth, he will never forget you. At the end of the day, your efforts on him will always speak for you. After all, he is your wife’s son so, will never be away from your life. You will only enjoy him if he is healthy. Help him get better first before thinking of your own challenges. Good luck.