Six years’ widowhood, no love relationship

with Agatha Edo08054500526 e-mail: gataedo@yahoo.com, agatha.edo@gmail.com Dear Agatha, I am a young widow; have been one for six years. Painfully and strangely, in all these years I have been widowed, no man has come close to asking me out; let alone a relationship with me. It isn’t as if I am ugly; by every standard and without sounding immodest, I am pretty. I am so confused about this. I am too young to be on my own; I need a man in my life but I sincerely lack knowledge of how to go about resolving my problem. Please, Agatha, tell me how to handle this issue, which is slowly killing me as a woman. Confused Widow. Dear Confused Widow, In our society there are so many myths and clouds of doubts surrounding widows especially if the man died under mysterious circumstances. In this part of the world, a man doesn’t just die without his wife knowing the cause of his death. Unfortunate as it is, widowhood in this part of the world is a curse particularly for the young woman who has ambition to remarry again. Even if a man really wants to be part of the woman’s life, his family and friends will never allow him be for the simple reason that the woman may have killed her husband to get his property or buy herself freedom from a bad marriage. It is always a woman’s fault when her husband dies. In your case, it appears that there is more to your story. If for six years, no man is coming near you, then something is very wrong somewhere. The time has come for you to move on, change your location to a place nobody knows about your story or the kind of death your late husband died from. But before you do this, be sincere to yourself. Face the truth about his death, your relationship with his people and the attitude of even those close to you during his death as well as after. If the consensus is that you are guilty, what makes people think you are guilty so much so there seems to be an unspoken order to men not to approach you for a relationship? Did you at anytime commit any social act that people think is responsible for the death of your husband? To move forward and be completely free of all that you have been through, take an introspective look into your life with a view of making peace with God. When things become this complicated as well as confusing, there is only one place to go. He knows and sees everything. Once you make peace with Him, it becomes easy for you to move on with your life. Whatever it is that is stalling your happiness, making it impossible for another man to appreciate you as a woman, has to be removed by God to open your face up to the appreciation of other men. Ask Him to send you to a pastor who He has prepared to conduct a deliverance session for you. Sincerely, your story and situation go beyond the ordinary. Something somewhere is holding things up for you and unless it is cleared, you may end up completely frustrated. This is why you must be truthful and alert to the spirit of God within you because that is the only way for you to move on. Changing your environment will help you set new goals for yourself. It will give you a new lease of life, the liberty to dream again. Because life is a big school and our experiences, the examination that takes us to the next classroom, you must be prepared to learn from all your past experiences to make your next attempt at being happy achievable. Sometimes, the things we count as unimportant are those things that stand against us in our times of trial and battles. You may have said one or two things in a moment of heated exchange of words with your late husband that is today working against you. A wholesome character comes from care and sensitivity to the feelings of those around us. African society is the kind where anything done or said can be amplified to mean so many things when something goes wrong. A wife must therefore be careful of the kind of attitude she puts up when having issues with her husband. The delicate and frail nature of life means that we treat every moment we have with loved ones with absolute care to avoid unwittingly branding ourselves with names that do not reflect our true nature. Only a complete change of environment would offer you the kind of clean platform to begin life all over again. When a man wants a woman, her appearance isn’t always what he is looking for but her character is what he is looking into. A woman may wear the Miss World crown; if she lacks the right character to go with it, an ugly-looking woman with a flawless character is more likely to get a good husband than she does. Therefore, it isn’t just about your pretty face but about your character as well as the spiritual freedom to progress from the point you are in. Good luck.