I’m dying for my wife’s younger sister

With Auntie Agatha, gataedo@yahoo.com, agatha.edo@gmail.com,Tel: 08054500626

Dear Agatha,
I met my wife in August 2011. I met her younger sister when I went on a visit to their house the same year. Something instantly changed in me when I saw the little girl. What I felt for her was so powerful and magnetic; I simply couldn’t deny it.
Although there was really nothing between the elder sister and I at that point, I fought against the feelings I had for the younger sister.
Rather than the feelings to go away, it grew stronger the next time I went to their house. Still I ignored it, putting it down as temptation.
Knowing how potent temptation can be, I took to avoiding the young lady.
Unfortunately, ignoring my feelings and deep love for the younger sister, I hastened to marry the elder sister; thinking it was an antidote for the cure of my feelings for the younger lady.
Painfully, since marrying the elder sister, I have come to realise that all my passion, love, affection and happiness are on this younger sister. It has been a very miserable life for me. I married my wife but I love the younger sister.
My marriage and life have been very unbearable that I can no longer do anything. Even my work is in danger. I feel like dying.  It is most painful whenever I remember I had this feeling for the younger lady right from the beginning, and had all the chance to opt for her. Instead, I ignored it, thinking that the feeling was going to die. Why I did this, I still don’t know.
I am finished. Life does not have any meaning to me. If there is any help you can offer me please let me know, for the pains are too much.
Chuka.

Dear Chuka,
Sad as your story is, there is nothing you can do about it anymore. To attempt to do anything about your feelings for the younger lady is to destroy the peace and harmony of a family. I am sure destroying this family peace, honour and tradition isn’t among the things you want for them.
Had you subjected your feelings to scrutiny the first time you met this younger woman, a lot of the headaches you are currently feeling would have been avoided even though it still would have created some problems between the two sisters.
Having married the elder sister, it is too late now to cry over spilled milk. Your responsibility is to ensure this marriage works. This is what happens when we don’t give heed to our inner person. You were alerted but you ignored it because you didn’t care, were blind to the qualities your ideal woman must have.
This came from a lack of clear understanding of what marriage entails. What you should have done was to back out immediately from the family, to give yourself that chance to properly think of what you feel. Jumping into marrying the elder sister was unnecessary given the fact that you were still very strong on your feelings for the younger sister.
If what you feel for the younger sister is true love, it will never go away but that is not to say, you cannot manage it if you want to. At one point or the other, a lot of us have found ourselves in your kind of situation; meeting a true love in a very wrong time and season.
There is no way you can divorce your wife to marry the younger sister. Even if you leave her to marry another woman, it still won’t stop you from feeling the way you do about this young lady. Therefore, you must be strong and let go of what you feel now.
I understand when you say it is tough but hard-hitting situations need drastic changes; one that involves a very huge sacrifice. You must put as much distance between you and your sister-in-law. Ask your employers for transfer to a place where you and your wife can start life anew. The struggle of fitting into a new place, trying to make an impact will to an extent give you little time to think of your feelings for your sister-in-law. Another thing is to encourage your wife to become pregnant. Babies are wonderful at diverting attention to themselves. The worry of how to care for the child, coupled with the presence of something so precious would act as a very good remedy for your love-sickness.
This way, you will also be giving yourself the chance to discover the unique quality in your wife.
You haven’t been able to love her because all your emotions and attention are on her sister. Remember, something attracted you to her in the first place. Make the special effort to bring it back. Yes, it may not be very strong but you can grow it to be close to what you want. Every relationship and marriage need a strong and wide base. Most women can do without this passionate love from their husbands; all they want is to be respected. As long as you are also meeting your side of the responsibilities at home, she won’t mind too much. Rather than cause you and her whole family needless pain, strive to give your wife some measure of comfort and happiness. It isn’t her fault that you didn’t act like a man when the opportunity presented itself.
As your wife, you have responsibilities towards her. As a woman, you must also realise she needs attention and care. By dwelling too much on a dream you know isn’t achievable, you are destroying the chances of your marriage surviving.
Whatever it will take you, make this marriage work else, you will be the ultimate victim of this whole drama. Every marriage has its season of challenge; just regard what you are going through as yours. If you are matured and determined, you will overcome it. A resolute mind can always achieve anything it desires. As long as you desire a good marriage, no matter what you feel for your sister-in-law, your marriage will survive it all. Learn to give your marriage a focus. It will help you a great deal.
Don’t forget to entrust your marriage to God.
Good luck.