His family wants me a Catholic…

With Auntie Agatha, gataedo@yahoo.com, agatha.edo@gmail.com, Tel: 08054500626


Dear Agatha,
It is only God that will bless you in all you’ve been doing for many of us through this page.
Agatha, I have this problem, which seems to be bothering me. It has to do with my husband to be. We have been dating for four years, but I have always told him that we won’t be able to marry because he is a Catholic while I am of Assemblies of God Church.
He told me he would allow me to continue with my own church. We had our traditional marriage on February 4, and since then his people have been pressurising me to start attending his church.
I am loved by all of them, but how do I go about this? Will there be any problem in future if I insist going to my church? Please your advice will go a long way in my marriage and life. Blessing.


Dear Blessing,
Who do you worship in your church, God or man? If God is whom you worship, is He different from the God Catholics worship? Are you not both Christians, members of Jesus Christ family and army? Is that church a native doctor’s shrine? Are your Bibles different, does one church read the Bible upside down while the other one reads it from the side? Where in the Bible is it written that Christians should fight each other over denomination; that we should place doctrines above our faith in the supremacy of God and the sacrifice of love by Jesus Christ?
If indeed Christians are united by Christ and get their authority from Him, why should it be difficult for you to marry a man you have dated for four years and in whose family you have found favour?
At any rate, who is the founder of any Church, God or man? What if this is the only man God ordained for you to marry? Would you rather allow him to go because he isn’t a member of your church? Is the Church now stronger than the all-knowing God, who rules in heaven, made all things and situation to glorify His name? If the ways and teachings of your church are based on the instructions of the Bible, it should not matter if both of you are from different churches. What should matter is the fact that both believe in God.
Besides, a woman is regarded as being churchless until she marries. The woman’s place is beside her husband; to support and ensure his success at all levels. She is also to provide him with the spiritual anchorage to thrive in whatever he does. So how do you intend performing these duties in his life by insisting on attending a different church from the one your husband attends? What values will you be teaching your children especially the girls; that their husband’s feelings and thoughts don’t matter as long as they have their way?
How would you feel without your husband by your side during church services or his solitude when other men are coming to service with their own families?
Won’t your choice be divorcing the spiritual authority from your marriage? How does a married man succeed without his wife by his side? What does your church teach about the role of the woman in the home?
The fear of losing female members is the reason most churches are now mandating members to marry within the church and not because of any other reason. Furthermore, spiritual maturity and growth comes from interaction with others. No child becomes anything in life by remaining in isolation. Only the spirit of God can grow His church, not a man, no matter how spiritually gifted.
And if you really meant what you said about his church, why did you stay around him for four years and going ahead with the traditional marriage?
Definitely, there is something special between the two of you, strong enough for you to defy the doctrine of your church. To ignore that thing now is like cutting your nose to spite your face.
Love happens in places we don’t expect. True love isn’t something to be controlled; rather it controls the minds and decisions of those it has come to visit.
The truth is if you stop pretending, you will come to the realisation that you and this man have something going for you. It is more than enough for some people.
Sincerely, there are more important things in a marriage to worry about than this issue of doctrine. That you belong to the same spiritual father won’t insulate a marriage from having problems.
Which makes your reason for not wanting to marry this man unfortunate. There are more important things to worry about, issues that must be addressed before you venture any further just as you must be determined at every point in your marriage to confront challenges that might want to pull down your marriage. What if you don’t find the right man in your church? Would you because of doctrine deprive yourself of lifetime happiness? Put yourself in bondage that God hasn’t put you, all because you seek to please man and not follow the will of God for you?
For instance, in your four years together, what have you learnt about him? A marriage needs more than religion to function at full capacity. This is because in situations where practical solution is needed to rectify, no amount of prayers will change the situation. For instance, no amount of prayers can make a dirty and rude woman enjoy the support of her husband.
Ultimately, a marriage is a fine blend of practice and religion. It takes guts, raw determination laced in love to make the difference in every relationship.
Under the customary laws of our land, you are already married. Therefore, you must make up your mind to either follow your husband to his church or starting your life on courting problems where ordinarily none exists.
From experience, there will always be issues in every marriage, so why add more to your battles? Whether you like it or not, every marriage comes with its own battle garment. This has to do with the fact that every family has a garment of foundational problems, one every woman who marries into it must be ready to battle and win for the sake of her children and husband.
The distraction that will be presented by the two of you attending different churches will make fighting this family challenge difficult.
That church is part of the person you fell in love with. Give yourself and this marriage the needed opportunity to be happy. How would you feel in the future if your son comes home with a woman who insists she won’t attend same church as your son?
These are sensitive matters, one that will at the end present your husband as incapable of ruling his home. Like Jesus Christ, we have at every point in our lives make certain sacrifices for the ones we love. As a woman and wife, you have to let go of certain things in the interest of your home. If giving up your church would further cement the happiness of your home, do it.
Above all, listen more to what God is telling you than what any man is saying. With God there is no making any mistake.
Good luck.