She finds it hard to let go her ex…

With Auntie Agatha,gataedo@yahoo.com, agatha.edo@gmail.com,Tel: 08054500626

Dear Agatha,
I am a man of 37 years of age and really need to get married. My seven years old relationship recently crashed. I would be grateful if you can advice me concerning my current relationship with a lady, I am planning to settle down with.
I met this young lady in August last year. Since then, we have become very close. I have proposed to her and she in turn has agreed to marry me. But I have this major fear; she is too close to her ex-boyfriend for comfort. He happened to be her first love.
He is currently in South Africa, the reason she told me she didn’t marry him since she didn’t want to live apart from her man. 
I recently met a lady who was privy to their relationship then. During my discussion with the lady, she told me my fiancée was so much in love with the guy and doubts if she will ever love another man the way she loved her ex.
The lady said my woman might go back to the guy whenever he comes back or goes into extramarital affairs with him after marriage.
So, Agatha, would it be possible for her to totally forget the guy and fall completely in love with me if I marry her? Should I go ahead with the marriage or stop? Please, I need your advice.
Chris.
 
Dear Chris,
There are no definite answers when it comes to the game of the heart. Life and love is a huge gamble just like all the choices we daily made.
But one thing I am very sure of is that a lot would depend on how you treat her. That she was so much in love with her ex-boyfriend doesn’t mean she is incapable of loving another man. Since she was the one that terminated their relationship, she must have considered so many things before doing that. 
There comes a time in one’s life when love isn’t enough to insure happiness. She has told you the truth; she needs her man around her. The choice is yours to make her happy with you. Not everywoman can cope with distant relationship. If you give her what she wants, there is no reason for her to go outside you to be happy. They must have been good friends even while they were lovers. This is what you should try to emulate. Be the friend who understands her, always there for her and who trust her.
Besides, there are different kinds of love; some are like petrol that burns up immediately while others have the strength of the diesel. The latter though lacks the vibrancy of the former, however has more stamina to last forever. This is what you should work at to get. It is a simple thing of you defining the kind of love you both share.  
In addition, no two lovers that can be the same because our feelings for people are often patterned after the individuals involved. If she still keeps in touch with her ex, it is because they were able to detect early in their relationship, that something extra that ignites them. It is the reason parents often find themselves having a soft spot for one child than the others. What matters at the end of the day is not the intensity of passion that goes into our feelings but the amount of respect and responsibility packed into it.
What should matter to you now is her attitude towards you. Her not concealing the nature of her relationship with her ex from you underscores her sincerity with you. A woman, who has something to hide, won’t be so obvious. To get the best from her, learn to trust her. This is all she needs to be herself, to enhance the quality you obviously first noticed in her.
It is very important you desist from listening to what people say about her or her past relationship, just as you must resist the urge to question her every movement. Like her, you must also have had a past, fallen in love before meeting her. 
Besides, be careful you don’t allow insecurity robs you of someth