My wife mustn’t hear another woman carries my baby

With Auntie Agatha gataedo@yahoo.com, agatha.edo@gmail.com Tel: 08054500626
Dear Agatha,
I am facing a problem over which I need your help. You are always doing a good job that you cannot be rewarded for by any man here on earth.
I got married to a lady who is very nice and decent. Out of impatience, she is currently nursing a baby girl.
There is this other lady I am very much in love with who claims she is pregnant for me. However, she insists on aborting the child and has gone further to say if I refuse to give her money to do it she would die.
I already have a child from my wife and she can’t come in as the second wife. I am now confused. Can I get any assistance from you?
Any contribution from you can assist me to handle this problem. I am 27 years of age. My wife is not aware of this.
Godwin.

Dear Godwin,
In the first instance what were you looking for outside your home? No matter the challenge you have in your marriage or issues with your wife, the solution have never been or will ever be infidelity.
Unfaithfulness is too high a price for couples to pay for wrong choices or problems within the marriage.
This is because it doesn’t just end with the unfaithful party looking for emergency happiness or satisfactions in the arms of an available person, it is an open invitation to many sundry problems some which if not properly managed could cause permanent pains to both the guilty and the innocent.
In retrospect, which would have been easier to manage, confronting and resolving the issues with your wife and marriage or going into this relationship? in going with this woman, you forget that marriage is never expected to be smooth sailing; that it comes with very wide and deep gullies which only patience and time can even out.
With the current development, you would have since realized that nobody is perfect and that no situation in life comes without prices to pay. When you decided to date this other lady, you probably thought you were being smart and wise in solving your matrimonial problem.
What is the confusion? When a man sleeps with a woman, the expected result is a baby. What did you expect when you went into a relationship and slept with her without protection? You knew you had a wife and child at home and that you weren’t ready to marry two wives, yet you didn’t see anything wrong in having an affair and unprotected sex with another woman?
You are matured enough to know that when a woman and man come together in intimacy a lot of things result from the union. For her, it is immaterial whether you have a baby and wife at home or not. What she concerns her is that pregnancy and what you must do to help her get out of the impending social doom that comes from such a situation.
It is obviously too late to have regrets. The deed has been done. You both need full-blown understanding to tackle this issue. First is to find ways of calming her down to prevent rash and life-threatening incidents. If she is already threatening suicide, don’t ignore or tempt her into doing it. No matter what it takes, be very patient and understanding of her situation until the disaster is averted.
If she is also insisting on abortion, hear her out for the reason she is nursing taking her own life. This is certainly not time for you to insist on doing anything your way. Demand to know why she wants the baby aborted. Pretend to go with her on it. This is to give you time to wear her stubbornness down, to come up with an alternative that would produce another result different from what she is intending.
From this beginning know that abortion is out of the picture since you both didn’t bother to prevent it. But wisely refrain from telling her this now since it would only aggravate the current situation.
However, you have to think up something to sway her from harming herself. What precisely do you intend to do with mother and child? If you cannot bring them to the house, how do you want to incorporate them into your life that would be fair to everyone concerned?
Whatever, conclusions you come up with this woman, put the issue of the child first especially if you told her from the beginning that you were married with a child. It means you don’t have many obligations to her since you gave her the option through your declaration of your marital status to opt out or not.
This means she cannot blackmail you into marrying her or providing fully for her. When an unmarried woman goes knowingly into a relationship with a married man and proceeds to having sex with him without insisting on protection, she cannot solely blame the man for not fully being responsible when pregnancy occurs because it is more of the responsibility of the woman to protect her body and life from situations that can harm her plans in life.
Even though you acted irresponsibly by going out of your matrimonial home, she is also not blameless hence must be ready to play her part in contributing to the welfare of the child having made the choice to selected a married man as its father.
But if you didn’t, you owe this woman more than that because it means you deceitfully lured her into a relationship you knew from the beginning lacked substance and future.
In this situation, you must not only make provisions for the baby but give her all the assurances she needs to continue with her life with limited consequences and liabilities.
This would involve you telling your wife irrespective of how unpalatable the situation it would generate. To shield your wife from this knowledge is to create a more complex situation in future and cause a permanent enmity and rivalry between the women and their children.
Naturally, your wife would not find the situation comfortable but she has to know to enable her adjust appropriately. This might require you introducing the two women to each other but make sure you don’t do this alone because it has the tendency of it boomeranging on you. There is no way your wife is going to be reasonable about sharing her man with another woman who has a child for him.
To achieve this, you would need the help of people very close to the two of you to gently break the news and talk her into meeting the other woman. But don’t expect instant solutions. It would take a long time to get there because the foundation is already defective.
It also means you have to bury whatever issues you have with her. Even if she through her own attitude drove you into the waiting arms of another woman, with what has happened, you have become the guilty one. A man has to be able at all times to manage his home and woman to have peace in his life.
At 27, you have to work extra hard not to be frustrated by the responsibilities involved in having two homes to prevent a situation where going from one woman to the other would become a pattern in your life. if you allow the seeming huge responsibilities to providing for these two women get at you, there is the tendency of you wanting to escape from it by going into the arms of another woman. It is a temptation, you must resist.
Furthermore, you have to make the effort to grow into the responsibilities your desires have brought you into by refusing to listen or capitulate to pressures of people who may want to divert you from doing what is right which is accepting your responsibilities for your actions.
Pray God gives you the wisdom and strength to overcome this challenge.
Good luck.