He wants us to continue secretly

With Auntie Agatha gataedo@yahoo.com, agatha.edo@gmail.com Tel: 08054500626
Dear Agatha,
My boyfriend and I broke up after six years due to the pressures on him by his family that we can’t marry because I am an Esan woman.
I love him so much and can’t do without him.
He proposed that we continue to see each other secretly, I am so confused.
Please, tell me on what to do.
Omo.

Dear Omo,
If he is not man enough to insist it is you he wants and willing to give up a relationship of six years to please his family what other assurances do you have he would marry you at the end of the day?
Even if his family members are right in their misconception about your people, having known and dated you for six years or more, he should have been able to put up a stout defense of you so much so he would have won two or more sympathies for his love for you.
If at this early stage in your relationship, he is unable to defend what he feels for you, vouch for your character and insist on his opinion of you, this man may never be able to give you the happiness you deserve.
Love and relationship lacking in boldness and loyalty don’t last, no matter how much one desires it.
As a matter of fact, you should view his offer for a secret relationship as pathetic and insulting.
Why should you be locked in the cupboard, away from the public to satisfy him and protect his cowardice at being unable to define what he wants?
Deep down, do you think him capable of accepting responsibilities arising from this secret arrangement when he couldn’t accept responsibility for his love for you the first time?
Sincerely, this secret arrangement, if you allow it is a recipe for more pains and heartaches for you. Being kept in the cupboard means he has to date another lady who has the backing of his family. It also means the family has the franchise to source and kick-start his wedding plans when they like. It also means he is incapable of controlling the tyranny of his family members who at every turn can come and go as they like in his affairs.
Despite your currently inability to do without him, is this the type of like you really want? A man you don’t have a measure of control over, one who has little disregard for your feelings? One who once his family makes an appearance on his life consigns you to the second position in his life or jettisons any plan you both have for his families?
His lack of concern for all the plans you both made, your joint dreams and hopes for the future over his family’s position should be warning for you to count your loss and look else where for a man who values you.
Doubtless, this arrangement provides you with the short-term option of continuing in the security of an old love, but in the long term, it may not be so noble because the pains and loneliness you are running from would come if not from him but from his family members who would feel the need to tighten their hold over him more than ever before if you show up again in his life.
The family position wouldn’t have made any difference if the man you have business with is determined or have the guts to protect you, maintain a fair balance between you and his family. That he gave you up to please his family makes this proposition of his laden with apprehension and cautions for you to be careful.
Besides, what does this offer you in terms of future security and happiness? Are you simply going to remain a shadow in his life while he pursues his other interests? What plans has he for you?
What makes you so sure he would have the guts he lacks now to defend you later? Any relationship that is shrouded in trial or ethnic controversies is always difficult to execute because issues, both real and imagined would always be brought up by its opposition to defend their stance. It takes the grace of God to even smile in such situations.
To gauge the depth of his feelings for you, insist he either continues to date you as his sole girlfriend while he looks for people who would help him convince his family about you or he completely forgets you.
His first option would have been to do and use every opportunity to change his family opinion of you, not to second you to a secret arrangement.
If at the end of the day, he insists on his options being better than your suggestions, let go.
Don’t worry about the attendant pains of bereavement you will feel at losing the love and familiarity of the man you gave six years of your life. Life is always a gamble where we win some and lose some.
God isn’t without a reason for this development but you have to give time the chance to heal you for hidden truth and beauty of this moment to show in your life.
The confusion is in your pains, not the divine reason this is happening to you. This is not the time to depend on your wisdom and strength, Go to God in prayers for proper definition of why this is so.
Good luck.