Despite my sincerity she still double dates…

Share a problem With Auntie Agatha, gataedo@yahoo.com,agatha.edo@gmail.com Tel: 08054500626

Dear Agatha,

you are indeed a rare gem in the tackling of relationship matters. My sincere prayer is that your hands would always be lifted up. I am 25 years old while my girlfriend is 21. She has secondary school leaving certificate. We are childhood friends and I love her so much to the extent I have promised to help preserve her virginity and personality forever.
But the problem is after all the promises we made to each other, when I went back to school she started having problem of poor communication as well as less concern for me.

When I enquired what the problem was, she said nothing was amiss but later sent me a text message complaining that she no longer understood me. Unknown to me, she was already having affairs with someone else.

I came back from school at the end of the semester to find out from her what the problem was with our relationship. She told me it was due to lack of money and assured that everything was okay.

After a week, I came back again because she was ill and was admitted in the hospital. I didn’t understand what the matter was. I had to stay behind until she was discharged. While in the hospital, I kept assuring her of my unconditional love.

Once she was okay, I stopped visiting to concentrate on my vacation job but I soon realised that she would be worried about my long absence especially since I didn’t call to ask after her health, so I went to see her again.

While in their house, I discovered she wasn’t exactly happy with me for not visiting her, knowing I was wrong, I apologised. I also saw some of her friends who rebuked me and told me not to hurt her because she truly loved me.

I later went back with a close friend of mine she knew so well to see her. This time she was very cheerful but as I made to take her phone, she quickly collected it from me.

Her action made me uneasy because I knew she was hiding something from me. I was very determined to get to the bottom of it so I tricked her into parting with her phone.

I read all the text messages she and the guy exchanged. Needless to say, I was disappointed and hurt because she happens to be the only girl in my life.

The worst part of it is that the affair is getting into its second month.

Agatha, I need your advice and help please. I don’t want to lose her.

Tochukwu



Dear Tochukwu,

Even though you were very wrong to go through her text messages, disappointment, heartaches and betrayal are concomitant part of life especially in relationships. To have a whole and human heart, we must at one time or the other experience all these emotions.

Only the tough survives such betrayals. But to satisfy your conscience, let her know you have found out about the other guy in her life. Spill everything you know about the affair and hear what she has to say about it.

Sometimes, these kinds of affairs come from being lonely especially as you are always away in school. Although not a good enough reason for her to betray your trust in her, hearing her reasons would help you come to a clear understanding of all the issues involved.

Not everybody is gifted with the strength and maturity to handle long distant relationship. It may not be for sex but decided to go into it for the sake of having the company of a man around her.

Although it may not always be possible to avoid staying away from one’s partner it is highly imperative for men to take time out to study the nature of their women. The fact that the society expects women to be faithful to their men at all times doesn’t mean all women have the capacity to be. While it is true that some women are out-rightly promiscuous and so cannot be bothered if their men are around them or not, yet there are some who are built to be useless without a man around them.

These women just cannot exist on their own: would always need the presence of a man to make them feel complete. If your woman happens to fall within this category of women, you will need to device a way of visiting her more frequently to kill the urge in her to seek the company of another man.

By listening to her reasons, you would know if she actually did it out of fun or for the reason I have already explained. It is also important you actually ask her at this juncture her reason for agreeing to a relationship with you. Being childhood friends, she just may have gotten used to having you around her; said yes to you out of habit and not from a real knowledge of what she truly feels for you. Fondness could be mistake for love between the two people who have been around each other for a long time.

It may also be out of fear that she may not be good enough for you considering where she has stopped educationally. It may just be a matter of assurances on your part that you won’t consider her inferior after you have finished your examinations.

Ask her to search her heart and tell you what she really feels for you. If the feeling isn’t real, no amount of love you shower on her that would be enough to stop her falling in love with another man. Your feelings for her may come from a true heart of love but the same thing may not be said for her.

If she has compromised her virginity with this man, then it is something deeper than imagined, a clear indication that she may think she has found her true soul mate. The best step would be for you to allow her be because nothing you say or do would ever stop the two of them from continuing until she decides otherwise on her own.

But if she is yet to sleep with him too, both of you can with maturity and proper focus of where your relationship is going to, talk this out with a view of working something positive out. You could start by encouraging her to go back to school even if it is on part-time basis.

Better education could give her the necessary confidence to believe more in herself and abilities. This would make her more settled in with you and the relationship.

Ultimately, God is the only one who has the final say in matters like this. Learn more to trust him because sometimes, He deliberately allows certain situations to stop us from making the wrong decision.

Good luck.