Left my fiancé for him, yet he offers nothing beyond sex

With Auntie Agatha,:email:gataedo@yahoo.com:agatha.edo@gmail.com; Tel:08054500626


Dear Agatha,

I have been going out with a guy for about four years now and I love him. August last year he finally decided to take a step forward in our relationship by formally giving me an engagement ring. He took this step after I walked away from the relationship and he took poison that almost killed him.

Because of that, I decided to return to him since it was obvious from his actions that he truly loves me. But a month after our engagement, I met this other guy whom against my better judgement I fell deeply in love with. Before we started out, I told him about my fiancé and he also told me about his girlfriend who lives in another city. Months into the relationship, I found him to be a better lover than my fiancé and more in love with him than the man I want to marry.

Recently, I had to tell him that my fiancé and I were no longer together. Beyond feeling a little bit bad for me, he didn’t say anything. Agatha, I am worried he has not introduced me to any person in his family or friends for that matter. He only calls me when we want to see and make love, doesn’t send me text message or has be bothered to know where I stay.

Despite his attitude, I can’t bring myself to say no to him whenever he wants to make love to me. The painful aspect is that we work in the same company and I don’t know if he loves me or not. Please I need your candid advice.

Worried Lady.



Dear Worried Lady,

What do you think? That he has feelings for you beyond the pleasure he gets from being in bed with you? A man only introduces the woman he wants to marry to his family and friends, not the one he eases his tension with. From his attitude, you are not the kind of woman he wants to bring home to his family or introduce to his friends.

His attitude communicates that you are only good in one place, his bed, not in his heart. He may also find you very interesting in bed but that is as far as he goes with you in his agenda.

The fact that he calls only when he wants to have sex with you should have warned you about his true feelings for you. With his woman away, you are his toy thing, someone he can always call to make him warm when he feels like it. Beyond this, he has no feelings at all for you. If you had said no, another woman would have filled the void in his bed and not his heart. He settled for you because he considered you save and available especially as you told him of your fiancé. He didn’t go for single girls because he didn’t want any complications whatsoever. This is why he doesn’t want anybody knowing anything about what is happening between the two of you. He doesn’t send text messages because he doesn’t want any record of this thing going on between the two of you to exist in anyway.

When he is ready, he would simply walk away the same way he came into your life. It sounds cold blooded, but it is the truth.

It is unfortunate that you allowed the pleasures of the body with a man who obviously has no respect or feelings for you destroy a viable relationship. Good sex can be gotten anywhere but the love of a man who truly cares.

Besides, there is more to a relationship than sex; just as there is a huge difference between sex and love. What you and this man are having is sex, pure animalistic urge – nothing more, nothing less.

Honestly, if you have any self-respect for yourself, pull out of this relationship before it destroys you completely. In fairness to him, he isn’t to be blamed because he didn’t make any promises to you. He didn’t say he wanted a relationship with you beyond two consenting adults have an affair. Whatever emotional agony you are suffering from now, you caused it – gave up certainty for uncertainty over simple lust.

Even if you cannot bring yourself to make amends with your fiancé, for the sake of your self-esteem, resist this man. He is bad news for you. He may be the most fantastic lover in the world but he isn’t the right man for you. He doesn’t love you, belongs to another woman and has made it clear that you are just another woman in his list of conquests.

If you cannot change jobs, you can at least fight your emotions. If your man’s quality of lovemaking is the issue, you can teach him how you want to be made love to. Expertise comes from a heart that is willing to learn and receive.

This man you are willing to die for didn’t become an expert overnight. He also acquired the skills through the combined efforts of all the women he has been with. Sex is too cheap to mortgage your life for. The truth is, when this man is tired of you or his woman comes back to town fully, you will become stale news in his notebook.

For this reason, you must fight whatever it is that you feel. You could go on leave to put a distance between the two of you before you get hurt more than you already are.

It is also imperative that you get your priorities right the next time you go into a relationship. The essence of having a relationship is for a couple to fine tune areas of strength and weakness. If you think your man wasn’t measuring up to expectations, rather than give in so cheaply to another man, you should have sat him down to discuss it. Yes, he may not like it at first, but overtime he would come to appreciate the value of your contribution to the growth of the relationship.

No viable relationship comes without a couple putting in the necessary efforts to make it work. Ask yourself this question, how would you feel if you were the one at the receiving end? The only people who don’t improve in life are those unwilling to learn.

Good luck.