He plans to marry me, but flirts around any skirt

With Agatha Edo; email:gataedo@yahoo.com: agatha.edo@gmail.com; Tel: 08054500626


Dear Agatha,

You have been touching my life with your answers to other people’s problems. God bless you.
I have a problem with my fiancé who has been agitating for us to settle down as a couple. He keeps saying he is counting on me and that he loves me so much.

I told him I wanted him to be a real born again, before I will accept to spend the rest of my life with him and that we are not going sleep with each other until our wedding day, which he agreed to.

But to my surprise this guy has been going out with other girls and when I discovered and called him for explanations, he told me that the girls are the ones that like him and that he isn’t going to marry them. He assured me that once we are married, he would keep his distance from these women but I sincerely doubt if he will.
Can he change? Really, I am confused, tired of complaining and even loving him again.
Anne.



Dear Anne,

The secret of a peaceful union is learning to accept things you cannot change about one’s partner. The period of a relationship is to help couples know what to expect later in life if they decide to spend the rest of their lives together.

Unfortunately, many people think otherwise; see it more as a time for them to hook at all cost their life partners not minding if the man or woman is right for them.

Forget whatever promises he is making to you now. Learn to base your judgement on the facts before you because these are the things you will live with in the years ahead if you marry him. If he is unable to disguise this side of him during the time when he should put his best foot forward, there are no guarantees that he would ever change as year roles by.

In life, there are certain habits that never change, no matter how hard we try to disguise them. If he lacks respect for your feelings now, isn’t careful that you don’t get hurt by him, you should really not pretend that he would change overnight. There is a limit to what love can tolerate. A love that is constantly subjected to pains, humiliation and embarrassment will one day get tired and give up on whatever it is that is holding it down.

This is where most ladies get it all wrong. Rather than face reality about the defects in the lives of the men they are dating, they allow themselves to be deceived into thinking that they can actually change the man to their way of thinking.

Just as it would be difficult for any man to change certain things about you, you cannot change him overnight. A lot of time, changes come when we get burnt by the desires we cherish most and not because someone wants us to do away with it. Until your boyfriend is confronted by an experience that really touches his soul and person, he may not see any reason to stop swimming in between these women.

Frankly at this juncture, the choice is yours to make. This is the time for you to take stock and come up with a decision you know won’t cause you to cry all the days of your life. Marriage isn’t just about falling in love; it is about staying in peace and harmony with the choice you have made several years down the road.

You must know why you are making certain sacrifices and for what. Unless you have the stamina to cope with his kind of person, you may have to reconsider this relationship especially if you value happiness.

But beyond all that you have said, I think you should really be happy than confused because if nothing else, you have been given the rare opportunity of knowing the nature of the kind of person you are contemplating marrying.

What would you have done if you had found out this aspect of him after marrying him? A lot of the time, things we think are good for us turn out not to be so good. Can you imagine all the pains and disappointments you would have been feeling after giving in to him, marrying him and finding out that he needs more than a woman in his life to be fulfilled?

The lack of enthusiasm to give in to pressures on your part should have warned you of outstanding matters deep down inside you.

This is the point you tell yourself basic truths about what you want from life. To do otherwise is to mortgage your happiness on the altar of sentiments.

Good luck.