Matchmaking makes no taboo to me after years of waiting…

with Agatha Edo, email, gataedo@yahoo.com; agatha.edo@gmail.com; Tel: 08054500626

Dear Agatha,
I really appreciate you for all your good works so far. Some times I think life is not just fair. Recently, I asked myself what I did to deserve the kind of challenges I am facing.

I come from a humble family but with the fear of God. I graduated from Ambrose Ali University as an accountant. I am between 35 and 36 years of age.

I am still a virgin and hope to be until I get married. As a Christian I am of the firm belief that premarital sex is a sin against God and man. I come from a family of eight children, two boys and six girls. I work to support my siblings.

Now, I am more than ripe to get married and still searching for a husband. Most of my younger ones who got pregnant before they got married all live with their husbands. It is funny that I, that vowed to preserve my dignity as a woman, am without a man. It is becoming increasingly embarrassing as everyone is asking when I would get married.

It isn’t as if I have gotten offers before. In 2008, I met this guy who wanted to marry me but I later discovered that he was very violent. He fights and quarrels at the slightest misunderstanding. I thought then I was to blame because the nature of my job leaves me little time for both of us. Somewhere along the line, he opted out and I had to let go because of his violent nature.

I met another guy through network site and we became friends. He made a lot of promises to me including a marriage promise. Although his parents were divorced, he promised to take me to visit them. We began to make plans in February this year, prompting me to resign from my job. Not only has he been transferred from Benin to Port Harcourt, he no longer calls or bother to send short messages.

It has been a very difficult time for me prompting my mother to come over to my place due to my depression.

Ever since I have kept asking God, ‘why me’? I have prayed, fasted, even went for several deliverances and still no improvement in my life. I have sown a lot to believe God for his miracle, but this is a really difficult time for me.

Agatha, but you are good adviser, I do not know if you can match-make. But I have a desire here; the man must be a good Christian, come from a good family and must be ready to wait until our wedding night. He must also be ready to settle down soonest. I pray God uses you to help me smile.

Petra


Dear Petra,

One thing you can be very sure of, that no one can love you as much as God does. If He appears not to be listening to your prayers, it is because He is training you to be the person He created you to be. The best gold is the one that can withstand the most heat. You are still a work in progress in the hands of your creator so listen more to Him and less to yourself.

More often than not this is where the problems come from. When we are going through challenges, we are too busy and closed minded praying and fasting to listen to that silent voice of God. Why not for once give God a chance to speak to you?

He isn’t responding to your prayers and fasting because you have stored too much worries and issues in your mind. Even if when He is talking to you, you are too busy with your worries to identify His voice from your heap of garbage.

Now He is keeping His distance from you to get your full attention. There is no one who serves God and go away empty handed. God is never indebted to us.

Concentrate more on praising Him instead of praying and fasting. By praising Him, you are telling Him to take charge as well as helping yourself to situate things in your life. Praising Him brings out the action in Him faster than you think.

First and foremost, you must stop worrying about your age. Your worries won’t change anything rather they would only complicate things for you as well as invite unnecessary medical issues into your life. Only if you are healthy would you be able to attract and keep the interest of a man. There is nothing that ages a woman faster than worries and depression. I am sure you don’t want to look like a grandmother before your man comes along.

You must therefore snap out of your depression and wear a smile because it is the only way to overcome life’s many challenges.

Another thing you must try to avoid is your outlook to life. That you are a Christian doesn’t mean your outlook and thoughts must be boring. You must acquire the right looks as well as the broadness of mind to sustain the interest of a man in you.

God is the creator of knowledge; there is no subject He doesn’t know or above Him. You must not tie yourself to ancient doctrines that forbids Christians from looking good and being friendly. Keeping to yourself and being overtly condemning of other people’s attitudes doesn’t make you a better Christian. You can keep your values without being offensive and religiously condescending.

No man wants to live with a saint. Every man wants a wife, a woman and friend. It can be really boring for a man when all his wife does is to act superior to every other person around him. Jesus, befriended those considered social outcasts to enable Him draw them near.

If you fall into the mould of those who have become religious snobs, time is for you to come down before the one we all serve, we are condemned. His grace is what is keeping you and I alive.

Learn to live. The beauty of our faith is more in our ability to resist temptation and not to build a wall around ourselves. Without being tested we don’t have anything to defend and by so doing our foundation becomes too weak to stand the test of time.

The best weapons are those that can withstand the heat of time, so the ‘why me’ question is unnecessary. If you really devote time to hearing from God, you will get the answer to this question.

Forget about your siblings that are married. They are married to their husbands and not yours. They seem to be having the upper hand in that department because they have mastered the game of being happy with their choices. They are able to smile, laugh and look good. Take account of your own attitude and you would know what areas to work at. God is beautiful, glorious and peaceful. He epitomises love, happiness and peace. As His children, we must always reflect His attributes for all to see.

I don’t matchmake. I only help to publish requests like yours. I am sure the right man would come and stay if he finds the peace, happiness and friendship in your heart. As a woman your role is to support, give encouragement and lovingly point your man to the right direction. No man can resist these qualities in a woman. A woman who has the right charm and friendly disposition is like a poison to a man’s soul.

If your attitude is hostile, it won’t matter to the man if you are a virgin or not. A lot of things make a woman complete and right for the man’s soul. Virginity is only a fraction of it.

Good luck.