Church deceived me to marry divorcee with four kids

Marriage Clinic With Auntie Agatha; gataedo@yahoo.com;agatha.edo@gmail.com: Tel.08054500626


Dear Agatha,

I am a widower with three children. The first and second are in their second and third year in the university while the last is in boarding school in one of the unity schools in Ogun State.

Out of loneliness I decided to remarry. I confided in my church elders who all said it was a wise move.

Before telling them of my intention, I was already involved with a woman I still love very much and who my children also love. She has two children from her previous marriage. But since I wanted to please the church hierarchy, I ended the relationship and accepted to date the lady one of the elders introduced to me.

According to the church, my former girlfriend is not qualified because she is a divorcee and she isn’t a member of our church.

Although I really don’t love this second woman as much as my former girlfriend, I went ahead with the wedding plans.

Three weeks after the wedding, you can imagine my pains and shock when I discovered that she isn’t only a divorcee but also a mother of four children. Incidentally, one of the children she once introduced to me as her niece - a claim the elder who introduced her to me corroborated then – turned out to be her daughter.

When I confronted the leadership of the church with what I discovered, I was really surprised they all knew about her history. According to them, they said, they thought I knew about her children and status.

When I asked why I wasn’t allowed to marry the woman I really loved, they said it was because she wasn’t a member of our church. They said the husband of the woman they forced on me treated her badly and that since they know I am a gentleman and comfortable enough to help her with her children, they acted in the best interest of the woman, her children and me.

Agatha, it isn’t the fact that she has children or a divorcee but the conspiracy of the people I trusted the most. I have since vacated the house temporarily for her because I can’t stand her and everything she represents.

What is bothering me now is the insistence of the church that I cannot divorce her. The pastors and the elders are insisting we stay married.

Agatha, I am really in need of someone to talk to. I want my former woman back. I have made up my mind never to take this woman back but the pressures are too much for me to handle on my own.

These days, I curse the day my wife died. I am losing weight and focus. My business is suffering and my children are alarmed. I just need an understanding shoulder to lean on. Because the church is involved, not many people want to openly identify with me. It is all so crazy because it is a church my family has attended all their lives, not even my relations are willing to come out in the open with their support.

Privately, they insist I should not take her back but in the open they say something else.

Please help me.

MB.

Dear MB,

The most important thing now is for you to take a complete break from everything to avert the greater danger of you making another costly mistake.

If it is possible, go for a holiday in a secluded place where you can think and have a conversation with God. The issue has become too complex and messy for you to handle without the help of God and time. Besides, you need to get away from everyone else because of the cacophony of views that are now coming your way. If you don’t move away urgently from everyone and everything, you could risk having a psychological break down.

At this point, you must think only of the consequences that any emotional or health breakdown would have on your children. They are the only stabilising force you have now. For their sakes, you have to get this thing behind you fast because they are the ones who would suffer the most should anything happen to you.

By the time you come back from your holidays, you would be stronger emotionally to confront the situation than you would now. Currently, you are hurting, feeling betrayed by those you trusted, neglected by your family, all making you feel helpless at the death of your wife. Chances are if you dwell too long on this particular point, you might never experience joy in life and matrimony.

Unless you have the leading of God or feel something special for this woman, don’t allow anybody blackmail or intimidate you into continuing with her. The foundation of this marriage is defective and based on lies. Before God and man, you don’t have any obligations to continuing with it.

The leadership of the church has been compromised in this matter making incompetent to insist on anything concerning that marriage. As long as you were deceived into marrying her, they don’t have the right to force you to continue with the clandestine arrangement.

The choice of whether to continue with the marriage or not should come from you. As things are now, you don’t owe anyone except your children any explanations for your decision. It has gone past that stage. Stay with this woman only if you think she has all it takes to make you happy but if you don’t think so and unable to move beyond this point with her, don’t pretend about it.

At this stage in your life, having lost a wife to death, you need more than a woman to make you happy. You need one who is a friend, truthful, loyal and honest as well as a mother to your children to help you carry on. You don’t need a woman who is manipulative because it would affect the happiness of your children later down the road.

A woman who can collude with others to lie about her marital status and her children isn’t exactly one you can trust with the future of your children or your happiness for that matter.

As a widower with children, your interest in women must go beyond your own feelings as a man, it must in a way submit to the now and future needs of your children whose mother isn’t around to give protection to them.

Unlike a man who is divorced from his wife, you just cannot afford to tangle with any woman. You are the only parent your children have left.

Nobody or church can live your life. To play your role effectively in the church and to the society, you must be happy as a man. This for now should be your motivation; it is the key to your own happiness.

Once you are able to clear the cloud of your present situation, you will once again find happiness and the will to live. Just learn to put your trust more in God and not man. God remains the only one who cannot fail. Read and understand the words of God on your own. This way, you will not be deceived by strange doctrines or the interpretations of men.

If you feel like talking to me, don’t hesitate to call. God is your strength.

Good luck.




Re: My housemaid is pregnant for my hubby




Dear Timileyin,

You just used the excuse of your ‘high-flying’ job in the bank to write a modern day James .H. Chase novel. And the tragedy is that you are still adamant to write a horrific sequel to an already on-going sad ending. Whatever informed your mindset that your husband was going to wait for you forever to cook his biological and emotional food?

While you were busy romancing your so-called bank manager position, your African husband was equally kept busy in the ‘departments’ you thought were irrelevant to your present status.

You can’t eat your cake and still have it. Whether you like it or not, your housemaid is now a bona-fide wife with a 5-month pregnancy to the bargain; mind you the baby is legal and any move to abort same could lead to a Police case. Your hubby is not even ready to listen to your idea of illicit-harvesting of the baby. This is pure ‘Wahala-in-Form-Six’ because your own parents are silent on you.

Your only way out? Win your hubby back by allowing this baby to stay and begin to keep him busy sexually. Please make sure you prepare African dishes for him yourself and be there always to massage his ego positively. Also involve your Pastor to pray for your family. Follow Agatha’s advice completely, and your hubby can be yours again. You have lost the war, not the battle.

I hope all other African wives are listening; this can happen to anybody. The time to act is now!