I want his focus on me alone…

With Auntie Agatha, gataedo@yahoo.com, agatha.edo@gmail.com, Tel: 08054500626

Dear Agatha,

God’s blessing be upon you for your good work. I am a regular reader of your column and I thank God for His Knowledge and Understanding He has bestowed on you. I really enjoy your good and knowledgeable answers. The more reason I decided to write you.
I am about to go into the higher institution called “marriage”. I love my spouse and he loves me too. I don’t want to lose him to another woman. Please help me with tips on how to keep his eyes on me and me alone.
Worried Mind.

Dear Worried Mind,

A woman, who cares, pampers and respects her husband, will always get his attention and support any day. Even if such a man strays, he would always come back home because no other woman would ever measure up to his wife.

Every man needs a little bit of his mother, friend, favourite sister or auntie, confidant and cheerleader in his wife. This is why it takes more than sex to make a marriage work.

From experience most marriages begin to have problems when the woman refuses to recognise that it takes a lot more than being a wife to make a marriage work. A woman, who restricts herself to the functional role of just being a wife, ends up courting trouble for herself and marriage. For your marriage to work, you must go beyond the limits of a wife. You have to adopt your man as your first child; give him attention even when he appears not to appreciate it.

Ensure he gets his meals on time, he is healthy, has clean clothes to wear, eat well-cooked home made meals, give him a listening ear when he comes home, has a well made and clean bed to sleep on, tell him little stories of how special he makes you; this is a good massage for his ego. Every man, no matter his age and disposition, has an ego that needs massaging. You must devote quality time to ensuring this ego of his get good massage through compliments and humility on your part.

No matter how well positioned you are, how much you earn or how fortunate you get as a woman, learn to be submissive as a wife. It doesn’t take too much effort to get a man to do a woman’s bidding if she knows how to package herself well.

A woman doesn’t have to engage in any fetish practice to get her man eating out of her hands nor does she have to nag or shout to be in control of her home. What a woman cannot get through shouting and nagging her husband, she would get effortlessly through respect and humility.

Before going into this marriage, be sure of what you want and stick to it. Don’t involve friends who would mock your attempts at building a good home. A lot of time, problems come when women listen to jaundiced views of some women who claim equal rights with men. Keep feminism out of your marriage at all cost. Not every man can tolerate a woman challenging or questioning his authority as a man. As a matter of fact, it is one of the reasons men stray. Men usually want to be in charge.

If you want your home to succeed, recognise the leadership of your man. There is no way two captains can effectively man a boat. One has to step down for one to take complete command of the boat. At home, you must step down as the woman for the man to be in control. Even if you are the breadwinner, don’t ever act it. As a matter of fact it is the time for any sensible woman to be more obedient to her man.

Also, you must learn to play the politics of the heart. Before he became your husband, he was son to a woman and brother to other women. You must from the very beginning factor the interests of these women into your marital journey. It would be a miscalculation if you think you have the advantage over him because you are his wife. No matter how difficult your mother-in-law turns out to be, for the sake of your husband be nice to her, at least, for the simple reason that you would one day be in her position. This way you would protect your marriage and husband from the wear and tear that come from you and his mother fighting.

By cultivating the attitude of dialogue, you build into your marriage a gateway of open communication to help your marriage during marital draught. You must at all times be able to get through to your man; it is the only way to earn his trust and confidence to share his thoughts, worries and plans with you.

Learn also to be fashionable, and not fashion crazy. But it pays to look good else he would have an excuse to look elsewhere.

Above all, a wise woman fights her marital battles on her knees. Always put God first in whatever you do.

Good luck.