Dear Agatha,
My boyfriend has been desperate to put me in a family way until I prayed and fasted. During the week of my fasting, I got a text message from him that “you are a good girl; I don’t deserve to marry you because if I do, you will have problems and get older than your age because you won’t have peace.”
Sometime later, he called and I thanked him for the text message, only for him to claim ignorance of it. He claimed not knowing when he typed or sent the message. He began to beg me to forgive him. I told him at that point that we were not meant to be.
Somehow, we got back because I truly loved him and couldn’t control my feelings for him. During the process of my coming back, I dreamt that I became pregnant and lost it. True, I actually got pregnant and he came to see my parents as well as inform them of his desire to marry me. Like in the dream, I eventually lost the pregnancy.
In another dream, I dreamt seeing him with two children and later discovered he is not only a father but married too. Although he was planning to divorce his wife, I felt disappointed and too bad. He didn’t tell me himself, but I got all the information from dream.
When I confronted him, he began to cry and beg for forgiveness. He says he lied because he didn’t want to lose me and that he knew I would never have accepted him if I know anything about him having a wife and children. I felt betrayed and wounded by a man I once loved but who now appeared like a total stranger to me.
Two days after, I got a call that he collapsed in the office. When I got there, he was still pleading with me to forgive him as well as accept to be his wife. I told him it was over. His wife kept calling and sending me text messages, calling me all sorts of names. All these happened in 2009. After that I promised myself I wouldn’t have anything to do with any man for eight months. Right now, I have a lot of men demanding for my interest.
The problem is that I don’t have feelings at all. Some say, I am mean and scared of love.
Agatha, I love children a lot and I get joy from them than I do from male company. Please advise me. Am I overdoing it? I don’t want to disappoint any man by pretending I love him.
Confused Woman.
Dear Confused Woman,
This man didn’t disappoint you as much as you did yourself. Granted he lied to you when you both started but God stepped in to help you put things in their right perspective.
You elected to ignore this help even when you confirmed from your conversation with him that the message you got was indeed help from above. You, out of your own volition, went into the relationship, got pregnant and miscarried like you were also shown in your dream.
Even when you ignored all these help signs, God for the third time showed you through another dream that not only is this man married but also has children. Something you later discovered to be true.
Honestly, you should be grateful that God prevented you from making a costly mistake of your life. Turning your back against men isn’t a solution to your self-induced disappointment. To continue to act this way, is telling God that you aren’t grateful to Him for His mercies and help.
Since you have a relationship with God, one that employs dreams to warn you of what is to happen in the future, instead of determining your own case, why not first go to God in prayers with the specific request that He points you at the right direction to go?
If you want children, you must consider marrying some day. Marriage and children come together. Take your time to rediscover yourself. In doing this, consider what is important to you most in life. That should form the nectar of whatever steps you would take concerning your future. This entails discovering yourself first before knowing what kind of man you need around you.
You failed with this man because you didn’t bother to find out if he is right for your kind of dream. Had you devoted time to talking to him, he would have made one or two slips that will either show that he isn’t right for you or revealed that he is already married.
Beyond this is your personal relationship with God. You are lucky the pregnancy terminated itself else you would have lived in regrets at your refusal to submit yourself to the will of God. For someone close to God, you should have known better than to sleep with him. There is no way you can be objective when sex is involved in a relationship. This is why it was very difficult for you to heed all the warnings God gave you concerning this man.
The lesson from this relationship is to depend more on God; less on yourself. Once you align yourself with the wishes of God for you, you won’t have to struggle with yourself over an issue you cannot control. The right man would come. And when he does, your joy and happiness would be unlimited.
Good luck.
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