When he couldn’t respect my covenant, I bowed out

Dear Agatha, 

I am 17 years of age in a relationship with a boy of 21. He deflowered me. Feeling extremely bad about it, I made a covenant with God never to do it until my wedding night.

Instead of my boyfriend to respect my wish and feelings, he took to forcing himself on me at every opportunity he gets. Of recent, as part of his attempts to blackmail me, he went back to his ex-girlfriend I discovered he dated behind me for five months.

She got pregnant and he assisted her in terminating the pregnancy after which he came back to me begging for forgiveness. 

Despite what he did, I forgave him but I discovered he was still the same person who wanted me to go back on my covenant not to have sex until my wedding night. When his pressures and accusations became too much for me to handle, I terminated the relationship. Now he and his friends are going about calling me a wicked person. I am really worried about what they are saying about me prompting me to write and ask this question, was I wrong in asking him to go?

Confused Girl.

Dear Confused Girl, 

Don’t allow him or his friends blackmail you into going back on your decision. It is gratifying to know that you realised the inherent danger of what you did and took steps to prevent more mistakes in future. From his attitude, it is obvious that he desires you for his bed and nothing more. If he truly loved you, he would neither have cheated on you with another girl nor would he be pressuring you into sleeping with him.

Don’t mind whatever names they call you. What matters is how you see yourself and how God sees you. If you hadn’t the sense to terminate the relationship, he would have also treated you like he did the other lady whom he got pregnant and aided her in terminating the relationship. 

At 17, you don’t need such people around because of the negative influence on one’s life. This boy and his circle of friends are capable of anything, hence the need for you to be careful and mindful of your association with them. 

Learn to ignore whatever they say. It is all part of growing up. A lot of grown up women with determined spirits like you were also called names by naughty minded men at one time or the other, making yours a non-issue. 

If you have to be wicked to protect your life from all the attendant problems that come from indiscriminate and too early sex, so be it. It is better to be called wicked girl than to be called a girl of low moral values. Just be consistent and determined in your chosen part. What should be most important to you now is your education, not men and their problems. At your age, men are huge distractions capable of derailing your dreams in life. 

Involvement with them in the wrong way makes concentration more on productive issue of passing your examinations very difficult primarily, because you are only maturing yourself and lacks the strength of mind not to be affected by the thrills and pains that come with relationships. If adults get derailed by these emotions, you can imagine how difficult it would be for you to combine these emotions of relationship, disappointments, sexual pressures, fear of pregnancy or Sexually Transmitted Diseases (STD) with studying to pass your examinations. This is the point where lot of young girls and boys get completely derailed for life, so be very careful not to be one of the statistics. For this reason, have them only as friends for now to give you time to plant good fruits for your future. I am sure you have learnt one or two lessons from all these. Always remember them when next another man comes before you are ready to have a relationship with any man. And don’t ever forget to tell him from the beginning of your decision not to have sex until your wedding night. Only the one that agrees and supports your intention is for real. And please, establish a relationship with God because you need Him in your life to always be on the right path. 

Good luck.