He keeps me for his sexual desire…

Dear Agatha,

I am a girl of 18 years of age while my boyfriend is 25 and I love him very much. Our relationship is a year old. He can’t do without sex and I am not so crazy about it but can’t end the relationship. According to him, his mother says it is always better when a woman loves a man more as against a man loving a woman more as our case. 

Recently, he called me to inform me that he desires to reduce intensity of his love for me through reduction in the number of times he makes love to me but that as long as I am in his life, he can’t stop.

The only way he says he can achieve this is to have another girlfriend alongside with me. I don’t know what to say to him or how to handle the matter.

Confused Girl.

Dear Confused Girl, 

At 18, you don’t need this kind of man in your life. You need a man who is more interested in your development as a young girl than this one who is only interested in your body.

Frankly, this young man isn’t in love with you but in lust with your body, which unfortunately you freely allow him to depreciate for you. Has it occurred to you that should you get pregnant or come down with a terrible disease this man is most likely to abandon you to your fate? Has it occurred to you that no matter how careful a woman is, mistakes sometimes happen and she gets pregnant despite all precautions?  Are you prepared for early motherhood?

Sincerely, you are too young for this kind of commitment. If at 18 you were already this sexually active what would happen when you are older? Love and sex are not the same thing. Sex is not a function of love. There are many people having sex without being in love. This is why commercial sex strive the world over. So if he is equating the number of times he goes to bed with you as proof of his love for you, he is only deceiving you to defraud you of the value of your body. One can be in love with a person without demanding for sex. 

As a matter of fact, a man truly in love with a girl as young as you would zip up for fear of doing anything that could affect your future.

The fact that he has told you of his intention to befriend another girl should inform you of the quality of his feelings for you. If he were truly in love with you, there is no way he would have contemplated dating another girl. The reason he is giving for desiring another lady in his life isn’t true. The real reason is that he is tired of you and wants to move on to another lady he considers more exciting than you are.

A man and a woman should love each other equally. What makes a relationship work is the respect and level of sincerity infused into it. 

There can never be true love when there is no truth. An unbalanced relationship is a recipe for emotional disaster. 

Beyond the worry of relationship, you should concentrate on your studies more and leave the worry of boyfriends and mothers-in-law to the time when you are matured enough to handle the worries. Your concern now should be your education and future ambition. Certain dreams are tough to achieve when combined with emotional worries at your delicate age. You are too young to be a sex machine to any man. 

Any man who loves you would be willing to endure the sacrifice of enduring his own emotions for your well being and development as a young girl just emerging into adulthood. 

Be careful at your age that you don’t fall victim of sugarcoated men, who like butterflies are attracted to the prettiest flower in the garden. They would come in different sizes, age to declare a sentiment they don’t feel for the purpose of having their ways with you. 

No matter how attractive their offer is learn to say NO until that special man comes later in your life. Someone you can depend on, who will not come up with excuses on why he can’t be faithful to you or why he wants to date another girl alongside you. 

Insist you are no longer interested in having a sexual relationship with him irrespective of whatever his decisions are concerning his feelings towards you. His reactions would tell you if all he has been telling you are true or not. 

Good luck.