He is more interested in my body

Dear Agatha, 

I am 17 years of age. I met my boyfriend when I was 16. He promised to marry me in five years time. He is fond of fondling and sucking my breasts. I love him so much and he claims to love me as well. But I have this fear he is only interested in my breasts. When I tell him such a thing is reserved for married couple, he says he is willing to wait for me. He is through with his studies and promises to marry me once I am ready. He has his own businesses and I know him and his siblings very well. I am in SS. 3.

Joyce. 

Dear Joyce, 

If he loves you, tell him to wait for you. At 17, you are too young and have too much to lose if this thing he is doing to you degenerates to full blown lovemaking. He has graduated; you haven’t even finished secondary school. You still have to go through the university to be ready to settle down.

You may get to the university and discover you don’t have the same kind of feelings you have for him now. There is every possibility that you may discover that the qualities you think you see in him now are not really what you want in the man you plan to spend the rest of your life with; this realization would definitely motivate your need to move on with your life. The decision may not be so easy if you are involved sexually because sex has a way of interfering with sound judgment of a potentially contentious issue in a relationship. Sex, only serves as a useful bond in a well defined relationship like marriage. Until a relationship calumniates in marriage, it is still a promissory note hence the need for a young girl like you whose future is premised on whatever decisions she takes today to be extremely careful.

At 17, the risks of allowing him touch you in your sensitive zones are too much to contemplate. Because your hormones are developing and questing for fulfillment, coupled with the natural inquisitiveness of the youths, you both could get to a point of no return and go into full blown lovemaking. It might just happen when you are most susceptible to getting pregnant. Even though pregnancy is the most touted risk, it is actually the least of the many dangers a woman who engages in premature or unprotected sex could incur. Many girls have had their wombs damaged beyond repairs, weakened their wombs due to repeated abortions, reduced their chances of becoming mothers as a result of this too. Some are not so lucky to be alive to even tell the story of their lives while others end up with one form of Sexually Transmitted Disease (STD) or the other. The risk is often more heavy on the side of the woman.

There are also some pregnancies a woman would have no choice but keep because they come with severe threat to her own life. How would you feel if at this stage in your life, you get pregnant and have to keep the baby? How would you feel if you have to write your final examinations pregnant? Can you withstand the shame, the stress, disappointment of your parents and friends? How would you feel when you are at home nursing and changing diapers while your friends are going to school and enjoying the freedom and fun of their age? Think of the time you would use in catching up with the people who were once your contemporaries. As a matter of fact, only few lucky women get back on track after such an experience.

Besides, aborting pregnancy in itself is a sin against God. Some women without obvious medical problems simply just cannot conceive again after aborting a pregnancy.

There is no way he would encourage you at this age to keep a pregnancy at this stage of your life.  Your best option is for you to stay away from him. He should allow you grow up, get mature and in a position to make objective decisions concerning your life. That you know his parents, siblings or that he has businesses you know of, is not the issue here; what is the kind of life and future you want for yourself. Any man who has respect for his woman, particularly one as young as you must learn to apply self control at all times. To be able to weather this storm, refuse to be in a lonely place with him. Sincerely, he may desire not to touch you but the temptations of being alone with you could actually make him break his own promise. The chemistry between a man and woman could at times be too potent to handle.

Furthermore, the issue of a man and marriage should not be your concern now. What you should be concentrating on is passing your examinations and completing your education. This way you will put yourself in a good platform to bargain your respect with any man in future. There would be plenty of time for men later in life.

Good luck.