Doubt if she can be good partner

Dear Agatha, 

I am engaged to a woman who from observations of her attitude and behaviours would not give me a peaceful home. But the issue is that I love her so much and she does same thing to me too. The question I want to ask is whether I should go ahead to still marry her despite all that flaws I have noticed in her character?

Worried Fiancé.

Dear Worried Fiancé,

Marriage is a journey you go into well prepared. Even though it is a product of sentimental feelings, only reality gives substance to it. It is a journey of determination, sacrifices, understanding, fellowship, friendship, tolerance, understanding, patience, respect, responsibilities, loyalty and endurance. It is also something one goes into full of wisdom.

Furthermore, a couple must strive to patent its marriage to make it work well. 

A home that lacks peace cannot develop beyond a level. While it is true that it takes two to make a marriage work, the truth is that it takes one very patient partner to make it work. There is no mortgaging peace in the home. If you are determined to marry this woman despite all the issues you have against her behaviour and attitude, you must be ready to be the patient partner. The one who would make the most sacrifices, give the most and who would be ready at all times to look the other way when issues come up in the marriage.  

Do have such elasticity to endure the pains of unconditional sacrifices? This is the kind of sacrifice that demands you at times forget that you head the home simply for peace to reign. 

Sometimes this kind of sacrifice could cost you the friendship of some of your friends and family members who would attribute your attitude to the power of witchcraft by your wife. This is the kind of attitude that would make you enjoy the marriage. One thing is to go into marriage with idealism another, is to go into it with reality. 

You would have no excuse later in future if you come back to begin to complain about this woman because she has been honest with you in displaying who she is to you. Other women would have tried to hide their bad sides, but showing you in details of who she is, gives you the ample opportunity to think properly on your decision to spend the rest of your life with her before going into it. 

Be very honest with yourself, can you cope with all these differences for the rest of your life? Do you have the temperament and maturity to ignore her when she starts misbehaving? Do you have what it takes to step aside and allow her have the centre stage when the need arises?

Marriage is not a bed of roses. Before one can get to the roses, the person must first deal with the sharp thorns of the stem that guard the rose flowers. 

The final decision is yours to make. If you know you have what it takes, go ahead as long as you are able to define the peace you want around her kind of person and not what you think. In life the ultimate decision is always ours to make, God ensured that by giving us the right of freewill. You are the one at the centre of it all, who would wear the shoes and live with the decisions you make today. As long as you have properly thought about it, know that you would find it hard to get a woman to replace her in your life. Whatever her shortcomings are, you would be able to manage them. To help you further, learn to be her best friend. It is always easier to be very accommodative of a friend than a lover. You must learn to do things together as a team. This is the only way for you to be helping yourself find that peace in your choice of a partner.

But if you know, you can’t, don’t bother to go beyond this point because on the long run, you will out of frustration end the marriage.

Move away from her for a while, a holiday to think of what your life would be without her. Pinpoint that special thing in her; let it be in your mind because when the challenges come. It is that special feature about her that would make it easy for you to endure the aspects of her you don’t like. 

The essence of being on your own is the fact that you may not be able to pinpoint precisely what makes her extra-ordinary if you two are together. Such things are best found out when alone, away from the person. You really need to do this for the sake of what you share.

Aside this fact, learn from now that we are all imperfect and that just as she has her own weakness so you have yours. Marriage is a matter of blending our differences to get a wholesome picture. 

It is also pertinent you call her to discuss your fears with her. She may not have had the privilege of being told that what she is doing is bad. Besides unless told by someone close to us, that special person in our lives, we seldom take serious views of other people about us. Confronted with the fear of losing someone she loves so much, she would put in extra effort to change her attitude to a certain degree. It may not be total but her efforts when combined with your resolve to tolerate her would add up to give you the kind of home you want. It may not be precisely what you have in mind but it would be very close to it.

In addition, you must also learn to take the lead in prayers because there is nothing God cannot do.

Good luck.