She declines to embrace serious date…

Dear Agatha, 

First I want to thank you for doing this selfless work and may God reward you abundantly. 

My girlfriend and I have known each other for almost two years. I like her so much. As a matter of fact, I am always happy having her in my life. Unfortunately, she doesn’t want us to take the relationship to another level.  Consequently, I told her to stop calling me but to my surprise, she wasn’t happy at my decision. 

There was a day I went to her place to give her younger sister a cell-phone I promised buying for her. I met my girlfriend, who bluntly refused to say hello to me but later apologised for her behaviour.  Now, my girlfriend’s mother is not happy with me because I bought her daughter a cell phone. Please help me. Where have I gone wrong?  

Lamborghini.

Dear Lamborghini, 

On the surface, you appear not to have done anything wrong, but if you care to anaylise it more critically, you have done something fundamentally wrong. Why would you buy the sister a cell-phone, go to the house to present her with it when you still have outstanding issue with the one you are dating? Why did you have to give the sister the phone yourself without passing through your girlfriend? That singular act did send out the wrong signal to your girlfriend who refused to greet you and her mother who is wondering what your motive is. Having known you with one daughter, she can’t understand why you are giving another one a present when it appears there is a crack between you and the one she knows you with.

She is clearly not comfortable with the gift and action. It is not the gift that is the problem, but your real motive as well as the implication on her attempt to bring up her daughter in the right way. Despite the depreciation of moral values in the society, there are still some mothers who are very strict and firm on how they want their children, especially their daughters brought up. Again, she may not want her daughter to get into the habit of asking men for gifts. And seeing you give her the phone without her permission is enough to get a mother who is concerned about real values to be angry. Had you passed the gift to her, the decision to give it to her daughter would have been hers to make and not yours. She is concerned that her daughter may use the excuse of this gift to bring things home under the pretence you gave them to her. 

Since you and your girlfriend have settled your differences, get her to help you explain to her mother why you bought the sister the gift. If you have the courage, it would be best if you accompany your girlfriend so that you can explain why you gave the other daughter a gift of a phone as well as the challenges you are facing with the one you are interested in. 

Once you do that, she will understand you better and where you are coming from. 

Good luck.