My Weak Self-confidence Can’t Woo Any Girl

Dear Agatha, 

I’m an ardent reader of your column and I really like the way you help people. I’m a young guy of 19 years of age. I suffer from lack of self-confidence when it entails wooing a girl. I can talk to girls especially girls I don’t have much interest in. But when it comes to talking to a girl I really like, I wouldn’t know how to approach her. It’s really becoming a big problem for me. Please help me.

Helpless Boy.

Dear Helpless Boy, 

Lack of confidence comes from lack of trust in your own essence as a human being as well as the need to over-impress the object of your interest. When a man tries to make an impression on a woman, to attract her attention, he automatically wants to do or say unusual things to arrest her attention. 

This is why you feel confident talking to women who are merely your friends and are tongue-tied when you meet the ones you are interested in. 

Trying to make lasting impression can cause a man to lose focus of his intentions entirely. Sincerely, there is nothing special in talking to a woman other than self-confidence at your own ability as a man to get your message across. 

As a matter of fact, women become more difficult and mischievous when they perceive the man trying hard to woo her. Relationship should be reality driven and not based on some ideologies that would at the end of the day distort the true image of the two people involved. 

The man must from the beginning make the woman understand what he wants from her in a clear and simple way. The woman too must be real enough to appreciate the nature and sincerity of the man who has come to ask for her hand in a relationship. 

 You are able to talk to your female friends because you don’t have to impress them with your spoken English, wealth, connections or the other things that give excitement to some women. 

Deploy the same attitude when you meet a woman you are interested in. Begin first as friends. Don’t spoil the relationship by saying things like I love you and want you in my life. Often than not, women feel insulted by this line because it presents a woman as being gullible.

A woman is most likely to respect a man who comes first as a friend; to know who she is, give her the same opportunity of knowing him before the issue of falling in love or not. At first meeting, extend a hand of friendship to her; get to know the content of the package before presenting your original intentions.

It is always easier to talk to a friend than a stranger. The power of friendship helps to soften the ground of rejection as well as apprehension.

Good luck.