Can I Be Secret Husband

Dear Agatha,

I met a lady who is older than me by two years, on Africhat. She resides in Uganda and wants me to be her secret husband. I agreed to the proposal only to discover she lied about being single. I found out that not only is she married but also has a three-year-old son. 

Agatha, should I continue with her or not? She promised me many things including coming to Nigeria. 

Confused Boy.

Bn 

Dear Confused Boy, 

Do you really need me to tell you to discontinue whatever it is you have going on with this woman? Shouldn’t you take to your heels on discovering that the woman you agreed to be a secret husband to, is married? How would you feel if you discover your wife is married to another man secretly? Besides, why would you agree to be the husband of a woman you don’t know and a secret one at that? For all I know, she might be a criminal on the run and looking for a legal means to run away from her country.

It would have been a different case if you didn’t find out that she has a husband and child. What do you hope to achieve by staying with a woman who feels no qualms betraying the man she is married to? What makes you think such a woman is capable of being faithful to anyone, least of all, one she doesn’t even know?

Don’t on account of greed continue in something that defies all moral, religious and social order. 

She has a right to come to Nigeria but, make it clear to her that you aren’t interested in her or whatever promised she made to you. 

In future, be careful who you allow into your space. As a man you should learn to work and not base your future on what you can get from anybody. Life is more of what we make of it than what anyone gives to us. 

From the tone of your letter, your concern seems to come from the fear of you losing the promises she made to you and not the fact that you are secretly married to another man’s wife. 

There must be more to life than materialism. Your sense of value must never be compromised for money or any of the material things in life. These would come and go but what makes all the difference in the world is who we really are. 

Rise above personal interests and tell this woman what you think of her act. You maybe the guardian angel sent to her by God to help her realise her mistakes. Handled maturely, you could end up being the most important person in her life without having to jeopardise your future and chance of a happy marriage. There is nothing that goes up that doesn’t come around.

Make her realise that even if she is having problems with her husband and marriage, marrying another man isn’t a panacea but a huge complexity that would affect the way every other person including her son views her later in life. Nothing in life happens by accident; the thing is for us to know what we are supposed to do or say when we find ourselves in inexplicable situations. 

Good luck.