I’m In Love With A Married Evangelist

Dear Agatha,

Do please help me as you have been helping others. I am a girl of 25 years, in love with a man I met when I was 19 years, barely three months after his wedding. 

He is an evangelist. We started out as platonic friends but before we knew it we had become lovers as we are deeply in love with each other. I left the country two years ago thinking whatever we had was over. I moved on with my life, got involved in church activities until he resurfaced again, telling me he had tried through all the people close to me to get my contact.

Some of the people he actually asked confirmed this. 

It has been 10 months since we reconnected and have been communicating. We spend almost four hours everyday on the phone talking. 

I know you might think I have lost it if at 25 years of age, I find no other man appealing except this man that is married. Agatha, he happens to be my first love and I intend making him my last since I plan to remain single. To go out with another man would be a tragedy.  I am very ambitious and by January I would be in America for my Masters in Medical Laboratory and Medicine.

I have this faith that I am going to make it in life and would therefore not need any man in my life.

According to this guy, he doesn’t want to be selfish by telling me not to marry but that we would still be lovers till we grow old. I know he loves me. The only problem is that he is married with children and he professes to be a Christian. We can’t marry. Both of us have tried severally in the past to let go but it is just so difficult. I am planning to remain single and have a baby for him even if we are not together. I can’t love again! What do I do? I think I already know your answer but this love affair wasn’t intentional for the both of us. I used to be a good Christian with good morals. Any action I take now will break my parents’ hearts because they have always held me in high esteem.

Angel.

Dear Angel,

What made you change from being a good Christian to one who is not only having an affair with a married man but one who is a servant of God? Why would you want to break another woman’s home by having a child for her husband?

Whatever made you derail isn’t the fault of the woman who you are denying her husband, the man whose children can’t get to see their father when they want because you have him when they want him to play with, talk to and spend quality time with. 

How would you feel if you were in that woman’s shoes - being denied of your husband by another woman? It isn’t fair, especially as this man is supposed to be an evangelist, a servant of God who is supposed to show the light for others to follow? The effect of your affair with him isn’t affecting his home only but it is also destroying his callings and the ministry entrusted to him by God. You might get away with hurting the wife but how do you apologise to God for destroying the ministry he entrusted to this man?

Would you be able to withstand the wrath of God at the end of it all? Tolerate the shame of your parents finding out about your dating a married man who is an evangelist. 

Sincerely, you have every right to do whatever you want but don’t anchor your decision on the reason that you can’t love another man because of this man. Don’t forget he has his life to live and he is doing so with his wife and children. Having a child for him would not make any difference to him at all. A man who isn’t faithful to God can’t be trusted to be faithful to any person. 

A time would come in your carefully planned lifestyle when you will want more than those occasional visits; when you will need more of him, especially in those cold and lonely nights when the child is running temperature and needs the assuring presence of his father. 

What do you plan to do when your feminine thirst for him overrides every other thing? Break into his time with his family to get him to do your bidding?

Be real. You may be bright and smart, but what you have said doesn’t make sense since this is not just about what you want and what is practicable. This man isn’t free to marry you or have a baby from another woman. You are being selfish to want things your own way.

Even, if he isn’t sensible enough to apply the breaks, do it for him if you really love him. When you go for your Masters programme, do him a big favour by not contacting him. It will help you to forget him and get real about your priorities in life. You aren’t interested in another man because you have made yourself addicted to this man. 

Once you are able to bury your feelings for him, you will be surprised at what you are capable of feeling for another man. 

Learn to pray and ask God for forgiveness so he can help you overcome this dangerous game of infatuation.

Good luck.