My Wayward Girlfriend Needs Help

Dear Agatha,

I am a 24-year-old undergraduate. I love the way you handle people’s problems and I hope you will resolve mine as aptly as you do others.

Agatha, there is this girl I love so much and she knows I love her with all my heart. This is irrespective of the fact that she has been doing all sorts of things, like going out with other men even in my presence. 

And, due to my love for her, I have tolerated all these by refusing to react. But she has done the worst: getting pregnant for someone I don’t know and going ahead to abort it.

Fortunately for me, I discovered what she did and confronted her with the details which she didn’t bother to deny.

Unfortunately for her, the abortion she did was incomplete. She is now going through some pains and discomfort. I have refused to help her. I told her to use her money to get a complete cure.

Agatha, please advise me on what to do. I love this girl so much but her unfaithfulness is killing me. Should I help her and continue with her? She also happens to be the only daughter of her family.

Chibyke.

Dear Chibyke,

If you are in a position to save her life, please do. If’ you do nothing to help her, she may die from complications arising from the incomplete abortion. Time is not her friend in this circumstance; everyday you delay in helping her, something inside her is badly affected. 

If you continue to rationalise about the way she has treated you, getting pregnant for someone else and now coming to you for help when things are very bad for her medically, you would never raise a finger to help. 

And at the end of the day, she may die, leaving with you a sense of guilt that you will never ever be able to bury from your memory each time you remember her.

Whether you like it or not, she has become a part of your history; a part of a story you will tell someone in your position one day. Not all stories are meant to have happy endings. Some are laced with too much pain that come from endless sacrifices to someone who doesn’t appreciate it. 

But, if we remember that, as human beings we disappoint God daily and yet gets his unconditional forgiveness, it would be easier for us to let go some of the needless painful memories we infect our system with.

The beauty of God is his willingness to love and forgive us. It is also about showing love to those who have hurt us and being selfless. 

Rise above the emotional turmoil she has subjected you to through her recklessness and insensitivity to your feelings by helping to rescue her. She remains a friend and friends do help each other, no matter what pains they inflict on one another. Remember she once gave you reason to smile despite the many pains she has inflicted on you. 

You don’t have to continue with the relationship unless you are convinced that she has changed. Don’t subject yourself to further emotional turmoil because it is not worth it.

Unless she changes her way of life, there is the possibility of you ending up with a woman you would have no control over and who will never be faithful to your marital vows.

Be careful on how you allow your emotions infringe on your reasoning ability.

Although this experience may be what she needs to change her wayward ways, there has to be enough evidence that she has indeed changed before you take her too seriously again.

You need to exercise caution in dealing with a woman like her when it comes to love.

Good luck.