I am 25 years old, and in love with a girl who is 22. To start with, I am one of those so much concerned with his future and place in history.
I have a determination to succeed and so refuse to accept anything that would short-change my plans. I invest all I make on myself. To avoid distractions, I made a vow during my secondary school days not to have anything to do with the opposite sex in terms of relationships.
As I grew older, I realised the futility of such a vow. So, I went into a relationship with a girl who ended up adding more stress to my life than I deserve. If she was not complaining about me not giving her enough attention, it would be over money or my responsibilities to her. When I couldn’t take any more of her complaints I ended the relationship.
I allowed myself a period of emotional reprieve before embarking on my second relationship. I was so much in love with this lady until I discovered her duplicity. She was concurrently having a relationship with me and another man. It was so painful; I had to terminate the relationship.
Thereafter, I decided to suspend all relationships until I was more emotionally able to handle them with other aspects of my life.
About a year ago, a friend of mine met with this second girl and gave her my new number since I had stopped using the one she knew. She called me and we resumed the relationship again but not before trashing out the gray areas that led to the previous problems. She agreed to obey whatever conditions given her by me as a demonstration of her seriousness with me this time around. There is no denying that I love this lady - as each day went by the feelings ran deeper.
My current problem, however, started when she came back from school - she is a student of the Federal Polytechnic, Ilaro - and I offered to help her, as usual, with her courses. Being a student of accountancy as I, it wasn’t too difficult a thing for me to do. But on this particular day, there was this little note she had which I wanted to see but she refused. I was curious and asked why she didn’t want me to go through it. She didn’t say anything. Just as I made to grab the note from her in a joking manner, I noticed she was trying to hide a picture in the note from me. I didn’t bother to force the issue again but I was angry even though we later made it up.
But, I noticed that her attitude has changed a lot since then. Anytime I visit her at home, she would start acting funny and whenever I asked what the problem was, she would say nothing and if I insist, she would reply curtly, that the problem was hers, not mine, telling me to mind my business. She even went to the extent of telling me to stop fussing over her, and that she is not my responsibility.
Agatha, this has been going on for some time. I am hurting deep inside because I love her so much. Her attitude is taking a great toll on me. My mother noticed and begged me not to hurt myself, though I lied to her that it was my academic work that was telling on me.
Agatha, do you know the most annoying part of all these? I visited her in the school and spent three days with her. Not for once did her attitude thaw. She also did not bother to phone to know if I got to Lagos safely. She sold her home and has warned me not to disturb those she stays with by calling her. Unless she calls, I can’t get her. So, Agatha, what can I do? Do I quit the relationship? You are my last hope.
Henry.
Dear Henry.
It is obvious that you and this girl don’t feel the same way about each other any more. She doesn’t love you the way you do her and she can’t be more obvious about her feelings than she currently is.
Rather than feel bad, I think you ought to be happy that she manifested these behaviours before the relationship went further than the point at which things turned sour.
Stop wasting your time with her and move on to other things. And don’t be bothered about the type of women you have got yourself involved with. Your experiences with them would help you later in life. It’s all part of growing up and becoming mature. In the not too distant future, you would meet that special woman that would love you just as deep as you do her.
However, to have that relationship that would make you happy, don’t allow love to blind you to any obvious fault or attempt to tolerate things that don’t make you happy all because you are afraid of being hurt. While compromises are part of relationships, don’t pretend to be happy when you know deep down that the situation you are in cause you discomfort. Be honest with your feelings and consult God any time you meet a woman you love before approaching her for a relationship.
Don’t make the same mistake a lot of us make - transferring someone else’s failure to another relationship. If quitting, leave behind your pains and disappointment with that relationship, to give any new relationship you are embarking on the chance to grow.
Good luck.
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