My Fiancée And I Have Same Genotype, Can We Still Marry?

Dear Agatha, 

I am a 25-year-old apprentice in love with a girl of 19 years. Our relationship is over five years old. Our relationship is based on understanding and consideration for the feelings of one another.  I met her when she was in primary five. She lives with her relative. Her inspirations and qualities prompted my interest in her and we had been there for each other.

During her second year in Junior Secondary School (JSS) 2, we indicated interest in each other, but quite conscious of the challenges we faced in our homes as teenagers. We also discussed our precarious situations, especially as she was staying with her guardians and me, an apprentice. At the end of the day, we resolved to be always there for each other. Because of her inherent qualities, I was determined to spend the rest of my life with her.

Our relationship soon came to the knowledge of her guardians. We have also learnt to discuss issues rather than argue. She is currently in her second year at a senior secondary school. She is very courageous and ambitious and I know my future lies with her. 

Recently, a discussion we had led me to give her my hematology report. I’m O positive and my genotype is AS. I noticed that she wasn’t too comfortable with the information.

Sensing that the news probably upset her, given her reactions, I made another promise that I would never leave her irrespective of whatever her genotype might be.  

She promised to go for blood test the following day. When I returned in the evening, her eyes and face were swollen. I noticed she had been crying. Without saying anything, she brought out the report of the test and showed it to me. Her reaction made me very fearful as she threatened to commit suicide than to accept the report. It was a tug of war calming her to even allow me read the report. 

Before the tests, I had promised to share the burden with her whether AS or not, but I knew that it is a very hard decision. We have come a long way; we have had many things in common; the idea of parting ways at this time, to me is not the best decision in the circumstance. 

I love her so much and I told her that this issue would not be a problem for us in the near future. My friend advised that we continue with our relationship but the future looks unpredictable.

Within me, I still believe that there is a way out. Agatha, I need your candid advice. Since both of us are AS, what do you think? When does the SS come? Is it with the first child or the subsequent ones? How can it be regulated so by the time the SS carrier will come, the mother will stop to conceive? We can’t watch our children die. I desperately need your help. 

Chimezie. 

 

Dear Chimezie, 

There has been no significant breakthrough medically to make it absolutely safe for an AS couple to marry. To do so is at your own peril because statistics show that medical calculations do not often turn out to be correct. 

For some inexplicable reasons, some couples with AS genotype start with SS children while some completely escape it even if they have more than four children. 

So. it boils down to luck and the mercy of God and not what the medical books say. 

As it is, your only help comes from God who has the powers to do and undo; but if I am to go by available medical statistics, it might not be in the interest of both of you to marry because the presence of a Sickle Cell child in the marriage can put a lot of pressures on the love, resources, emotions and time of a couple. 

In addition, there is always the guilt that never goes away. The guilt of knowing that the situation could have been prevented from the beginning. This is where the anger, counter-accusations come into the marriage and once these start, the pressure of guilt can make a couple break up. 

So it is in your interest to think properly. While the picture of the future may look rosy, given the quality of your feelings for each other, the truth remains that once the children start coming, this feeling would be subject to straits and severe challenges. Will your feelings be able to withstand it if at the end of the day you turn out to have a Sickle Cell child?

Granted that relationships are products of sentiment, only naked reality can sustain them because life is a process of unqualified certainty.

Don’t differ what can be a potential danger to both of you in future. The issue you are toying with has great consequences and unless your love is absolutely strong enough, you both may not be able to cope later as you feared. 

The panacea is for you to seek further medical clarification, honestly weighing your options before taking a final decision.

Good Luck.