Dear Agatha,
Please advise me on what to do before it is too late. I have a problem of inability to sustain my erection. Each time I make love to my girlfriend, it is a struggle for me to last two minutes before ejaculation.
And to get it up again is even of greater struggle. Sometimes it takes me more than 30 minutes to get it up again. I know my girlfriend is only tolerating the situation; that she doesn’t like it at all. Most times I take drugs to make her happy, but for how long can I do this? I can’t continue on drugs any time I want to make love with my girl.
Please advise me on what to do. How do I get out of this problem?
Biafra.
Dear Biafra,
So many factors could be responsible for your condition, but I will restrict myself to the possible psychological reasons you are having this problem.
One, what is your state of mind? Have you ever had a lengthier erection than you are having now? If yes, when did it start? Can you remember? Are you having some sorts of unresolved problems causing you so much stress as well as putting a very heavy burden on you?
Most times when a man is having difficulties in his office or finances, it affects his ability to relax completely to give his partner quality time in the bedroom. If this is your case, even though difficult, you must learn to leave whatever it is that is troubling your mind outside your bedroom to prevent the greater challenge of you having to deal with emotional problems in your relationship. To ensure this doesn’t happen, give your girlfriend the free rein to take the lead in the bedroom. It will save you the burden of leading and using your imagination.
As the leader, the onus would be on her to see to your satisfaction; treat you to all those extras that make lovemaking beautiful. However, in doing this, you must have an opened mind about her ways as well as the knowledge of her expertise because the moment you begin to doubt her, raise questions concerning her experience and expertise, you unwittingly close the door against whatever help she has to offer in making this moment less stressful for you.
Don’t allow your male ego stop you from admitting to your limitations to her. If you don’t, she would eventually get frustrated and move on with her life, but if you court her help, she would develop the necessary understanding and patience to explore other ways to make it happen for both of you.
Giving her the lead in the bedroom is just the first part; the second part is to explain to her why you are having problems being your normal premium self. She has to know what is happening in your official life, your finances and in your mind to know how far and long you would need her help. It is also a way of ensuring she doesn’t begin to think that your performance is based on lose of interest in her or the presence of another woman.
If no, it means this is the way you are, hence must find other ways of ensuring you manage the situation. In this kind of situation, it is also important you take your woman along. Let the woman in your life know what to expect in the bedroom. I know it sounds unrealistic, but when a woman is trusted with such information by the man she likes, she ends up being very supportive.
Since it isn’t a case of you not having erections at all, concentrate more on foreplay. Get almost to her peak before going into her to ensure both of you climax at the same time. If you use a lot of your imagination, she won’t even notice you have the problem of sustainability.
The difference between successful lovemaking and failed one is the amount of imagination a couple puts to play. A man may have the strength of a horse but if lacking in incentives, he still won’t be able to please the woman in his life.
Therefore, the problem isn’t in your strength, but with your inability to be adventurous.
Desist from taking performance enhancing drugs, because they will only worsen your case at the end of the day. Your imagination will achieve more than these drugs can do.
However, there is still the need for you to seek medical help from a qualified doctor to rule out any permanent damage.
Good luck.
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