Between Funding Our Wedding And My Studies

Dear Agatha,

Thanks for your advice and concerns. I am in my early 30s in a relationship leading to marriage. My fiancé and I are so much in love. He has introduced me to his parents and relatives. He is a graduate while I am not, but it has never bothered him since I am willing to continue my education after our wedding. But the problem now is that he is not buoyant enough to sponsor this wedding. I am working and buoyant, he is asking for my help. Please Agatha, tell me what to do because I’m confused.

Kate.

Dear Kate,

Why the confusion? Don’t you love and trust him? If he is serious and you are sure he cannot afford the luxury of a big wedding, the most sensible thing to do is for both of you to sit down and discuss what you can both afford.

Marriage isn’t a rigid science where everything has to be done in a particular way. For it to survive, it must be dynamic and able to breathe freely. What makes marriage unique and interesting is the amount of trust and freedom a couple is willing to invest into it. There are no laws against a woman helping the man to pay for some of the marriage expenses if she has more money than him. Don’t forget you are both going into a lifetime partnership; one both of you must be willing always to invest the best of yourselves. You don’t give marriage less of what it deserves if you want it to succeed. You must be willing to make all the sacrifices for its survival. Marriage involves a lot of sacrifices and selflessness to make it work for both parties.

Depending on the kind of marriage you in particular have in mind, it may not require so much to make it happen. The first thing is to draw up a budget of the kind of wedding you will love to have and another budget of the kind of wedding you can both afford now.

Between the fantasy and reality budget, you will get an idea of how much is really necessary for both of you to tie the nuptial knot.

Bear in mind that there are so many things involved in the process of two people coming together and having a successful marriage. The wedding ceremony is only a process that leads to marriage. After the ceremony, comes the real road show. Don’t ever make the ceremony more important than the real thing. The moment you do that, you risk upsetting the entire process of getting married.

You also have to be careful that you don’t make your husband-to-be feel bad that he is unable to play his role effectively. Give him the confidence to trust in you and give you too all the support when the table turns in his favour too. Therefore, after drawing up the two budgets, sit down with your man to discuss what you both must do. The way you handle this seemingly simple task of funding the wedding would go a long way in giving him the much needed confidence to rely on you as his woman.

This is a test case for you; one to demonstrate that you know what marriage entails and that you are capable of coping with the many challenges that come with it.

Deep down I know the conflicts going on inside of you; the many questions you are asking yourself; don’t worry. Helping your man to sponsor the wedding ceremony doesn’t make you cheap or desperate either. It simply helps present you to this man as a dependable woman. Remember, you both have made the plans to marry; your families are aware of the relationship, hence nothing to be ashamed of if you make your resources available for this thing you long planned for.

If you don’t tell, nobody would know where the money is coming from. You won’t be the first woman or the last one to help her man pay for the wedding ceremony. More than he does, you are the one who needs the ceremony. Left to most men, they would rather limit themselves to paying the bride price and end the ceremony there, but women are the ones with the desire to expand the ceremony so the ball is now in your court to determine.

Don’t hesitate to do whatever has to be done to make you and your husband to be happy because marriage is a journey of give and take.

Good luck.