Unemployment Stands Between Marriage And Me

Dear Agatha, 

I am a full-grown man desirous of getting married but the global meltdown has been hampering me.

I had a relationship when I was in the university, but unfortunately we broke up and parted ways after we had a misunderstanding.

As far as I know, she is a very nice girl. My mind still desires her now for marriage. We talk on phone and even see once in a while.

Last week, I made my decision clear to her for marriage after she told me she desired to be married since she isn’t getting any younger.

Though, I made my heart-felt and sincere proposal to her, but owing to unemployment, I can’t make it as quickly as she may need it.

Please, tell me what to do so that I will not miss her in marriage.

Abdulaziz.

Dear Abdulaziz, 

Trust and sincerity are the two things you both need here. She has to trust you won’t disappoint her and you have to be sincere with her at all times. 

When a woman gets to a certain age and is unmarried, even if she doesn’t want to admit it openly, she begins to nurse this involuntary fear about her life; about her viability as a woman as well as the essence of her time. With each day that passes, her anxieties are heightened because time waits for no one; especially a woman whose biological clock ages every second. The fear that her time keeps depreciating at the end of every of her monthly cycle makes her desperate to settle down and deaf to the reasons of her heart.

Time isn’t the only conspiracy; her family, friends, peers and society are all part of this finely woven web of conspiracy that leaves her drained and unable to listen to the rhythm of her heart. It is usually tougher on the woman because she is the one Mother Nature has put limitations on; whose reproductive organ expires after a certain age. 

Given this scenario, she may not be willing to listen to whatever reasons you have against marrying her now; especially as there are numerous examples of men who jilted the women in their lives after making them wait endlessly for them to be ready. 

You may lose this woman to her own entrenched fears of the uncertainty of tomorrow unless of course you both sit down to discuss the essentials of your situations. 

This is what marriage is made up of, being able to find workable ways around a particularly knotty issue. 

It is not just enough to blame your inability to marry on the economic situation because if the truth be told; there are no signs that it would abate anytime too soon. It is only someone who isn’t serious that would put everything on hold until the economic situation improves. Major decisions still have to be taken. People are still getting married and new babies are daily being born to even very indigent families. There is no way everything can be in place before you marry especially if you are not born with a sliver spoon or come from the new league of millionaires. 

The reality of the situation is for both of you to look at what you both can pull together; that is if you are really sure you want this lady sufficiently in your life. This would determine the amount of dedication, drive you put into the whole process of making her choice. To be frank, if you don’t make the efforts, you may end up losing her to any man who comes her way now; it may not be as a result of love but to appease the fears which are daily growing inside of her. This is where sincerity comes into play especially on your part. What kind of business or employment are you currently engaged in?

This is a fact you must present to her; to convince her that you are not hiding anything from her and that you are sincere with her. Give her the chance of contributing to it, hear the options as well as ideas she has. By the time you discuss options available to both of you, you will have a decision that will please both of you and which ultimately would give her the assurances she needs and also instigate commitment from her whether the marriage takes place now or later.

Involving her is a way of preventing her from disclaiming you or your reasons. Once she is part of the entire process, knows and understands all the issues involved in your decision, having the confidence and trust to help push you closer to a near perfect situation won’t be so difficult for her.

In addition, your talks would resolve the riddle of ‘when’. The way you have presented the issue, the ‘when’ is abstract; it has no definite date of expiration. Your discussions will at least give her a clearer picture of how long she has to wait for you to be ready to walk her down the aisle. She isn’t comfortable with your decisions now because you have left it open-ended and for a woman who is desirous of marriage, it is as good as not having commitment from her man. It is one thing to be interested in marrying a woman; it is another thing to want to marry her but your discussion with her will tell her if you indeed want to.

Good luck.