Dear Agatha,
I must extend my commendations to you for the good work. Keep it up and may the good God grant you more wisdom.
I got a job some couples of months ago away from home in one of the biggest firms in Nigeria. I rented an apartment in an estate and my landlord lives in the same compound with me. He has a beautiful unmarried daughter. I must confess I admire her a lot. She has this homely nature and behaves like a mother.
I didn’t plan to have any relationship with her at the outset due to the fact that I am a tenant in her father’s house. She observed that I had no girlfriend, because she sees me doing the cooking, laundry and dish washing all alone. And on several occasions she volunteered to assist me with these things but I objected. I travelled out of town for an official assignment last month; she called to say she was missing me. I also told her I was missing her.
When I came back, from the look on her face, I sensed she has fallen in love with me. Therefore I wasn’t surprised when she told me she was in love with me. She professed her love for me and we started dating. Two weeks ago we had our first kiss, so intimate that I had to warn her of the implications if we fail to control ourselves especially as close neighbours.
We kiss almost every day and caressing is becoming so intense that most times I lost control only to have her break the mood. Something keeps telling me that if we continue this way, there is trouble knocking at the door.
Please, I need your advice. Should I quit this relationship? What if the parents perceive we are dating, what happens afterward? I’m in my mid 20s and need to settle down probably next year. I don’t want to experience heartbreak or even hurt someone.
Gold.
Dear Gold,
There is nothing wrong in dating this girl provided your intentions towards her are honourable. Problem would only come if all your interest were to sleep with her and leave.
Like every parents interested in the welfare of their daughter, her parents will definitely want to know what your plans for her are. Until they know what your plans are, they may not give their support to the relationship and could lead to you leaving the house to protect the dignity of their daughter as well as protect their own image.
Because of the delicate nature of your situation, you must be very clear on what you want from this girl. Are you into this relationship with her because you really want to or for the simple reason she declared her true feelings for you? Are you certain you aren’t capitalising on her declaration to have this affair with her? Would you have on your own considered dating her without this prompting from her?
Deep down do you think she has those extra special qualities you need in a woman you plan to spend the rest of your life with? Can you say with categorical confidence that she fits in more than one ways into the image of your ideal woman? Does she give you the kind of happiness and peace you have never experienced? Can she make you laugh even when all you feel like is to remain angry? Do you think she can give the right kind of support to succeed? Importantly, how much respect and trust do you have for her?
Honest answers to these questions would not only reveal your true feelings for her, but also help prepare you on how to handle her parents when they find out. If your feelings for her are deep enough, there is no reason you should be afraid of her parents knowing especially as you are contemplating settling down next year.
The major issue here is for you to be sure of what you want, that thing you desire most in a woman. Once you are sure she has it, are confident that whatever life throws at both of you, you will always be able to overcome, and then there is really nothing to stop you from having a personal discussion with her before agreeing on when to see her parents officially.
It is important you make haste in whatever decision you want to take on this matter to avoid the attendant scandal likely to follow should her parents find out first. If your decision is not to take the relationship further, be honest with her and let her know you aren’t ready yet, so that both of you can end the relationship before it becomes a major emotional disaster.
Whatever happens, be prepared to relocate from the house to earn your freedom from her parents as well as to be in charge of your own life. There is no way you can stay there and be in charge of your life whether or not you and the lady agree to marry or end the relationship, because she remains your landlord’s daughter.
Good luck.
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