Too Hard For Him To Stay Sex-free…

Dear Agatha
I’m a lady of 22 years of age, dating a guy who is always demanding for sex whenever I visit him. I’m a virgin and not ready to sleep with him. But he requested I give him permission to look for another girl that will only satisfy his sexual urge, a request I have obliged him because I love him so much. 

Agatha, I need your help, because I don’t want to fall into wrong hands.
Funke.

Dear Agatha, 

Sincerely, this isn’t the kind of man you need in your life. What if you were both married and unable to have sex with him for sometime due to medical reasons, would he demand you grant him permission to sleep around? 

You must really love him to have agreed to such odd proposal, but the truth is, this man is only asking for open permission to do what he has been doing behind you. If he were the one unwilling to have sex with you for the same reasons you are giving, would he give you permission to sleep with another man until he is ready? 

Love comes with responsibilities and plenty of sacrifices. If he is unable to make the sacrifices for you now, when will he do it? Don’t allow yourself to be fooled by him. Whether you give him permission to sleep with another girl or not, it doesn’t insure your relationship with him. A man or woman determined to play around, break the partner’s heart will do what he or she wants to do irrespective of the quality of understanding and efforts the other person is putting into the relationship.

What you should ask yourself is the quantity of sex that will ever be enough to keep a man like him faithful? Is the permission you are giving him just allows him to sleep with a particular girl or with several? What would be the status of that other girl in his life, his bedmate or standby girlfriend? What if in the process of sleeping with her, he falls in love, what would be yours gain? Have you also thought about the health implications? How many times is he expected to go to this lady for sex? What if he desires it when you want his company or she for that matter? Unless he wants to sleep with a commercial sex worker, some sorts of feelings and pre-sex agreement must be involved before getting to the real thing.  There are so many things you must consider before agreeing to something that is bound to end in pains for you. 

No one can explain the sexual chemistry or potency of it between a particular man and woman. Once the chemistry is right, reasons are often thrown into the winds. For now, it may appear a neat package, a way out of all the sexual pressures he is putting on you, but the truth is that anything can happen a naked man and woman. Don’t forget while they are together, locked in the aged long dance of intimacy, new agreement can be brokered between the two, making invaluable whatever power you think you have over him.

He wants your virginity at the same time the freedom to sow his wild oats where he pleases. Choices have to be made here. You, have to make up your mind on what is most important to you, if your virginity is what you want most, then look for a man who agrees with you in its totality because frankly, without the right man by your side, supporting you to keep your most prized gift as a woman, you will end up capitulating to fear of losing the man you think you love rather than to the reason of your own mind. In a way, you are the problem in this relationship because you simply told him what you desired, without bothering to discuss and negotiate the terms of your coming together properly. You should have factored his feelings into it. No one-sided relationship has ever been known to survive. Just as you expect him to understand your reason, you should also understand his and work out a way of maintaining a fair balance. 

If he has been sexually active, it may not be that easy for him to abstain from like it is for you who hasn’t tasted the pleasure of the flesh. To therefore get him to support you, it must come from deep within him because that is the only way he would have the determination and strength to fight off the desires that will come from time to time to taunt him. 

Rather than encourage him to sleep with another woman, you should find ways to make him see things from your angle, especially if it is premised on religious and health grounds.  More often than not, when a man is presented with superior argument by a woman he buys it. As a woman, you should be able to convince this man on the need for him to imbibe the good you see in your actions. By teaching him to focus less on sex and invest his time in other areas of a relationship, you are helping to lay the right foundation for his marital happiness. Go to God in prayers to help out in making the right decision.

Good luck. 

Just Before Valentine
Dear Readers,

The second edition of Just Before Valentine with Auntie Agatha, would come up on February 13, by 4p.m. in the auditorium of the Leadership Centre, 30A Coker Road. Ilupeju, Lagos, having Dr. Chris Williams as Guest Speaker.

An initiative of Daily Independent Newspapers; this year’s edition is supported by Singles Mingle and ACE Nigeria.