Dear Agatha,
I am facing a problem which I need you to help me out. First it started with my knowing this lady I am interested in, but lacks the clue on how best to approach her. We talk, all right, but I haven’t been able to put my feelings into words.
Recently she travelled to undergo a computer-training programme in the States (US) where her elder brother stays. During her stay there, we were constantly in touch, speaking almost every day on the phone just to know how the other was faring.
To my hurt and pain, she returned to town without even bothering to inform me. You can therefore imagine my surprise when, unexpectedly, I ran into her.
I didn’t show my pain, but agreed to see her later that day. I really intended to declare my love to her, but on getting to her place she couldn’t even stay for two minutes with me. She only told me she would still be travelling the following week.
Please Agatha, what do I do in a case like this? I am confused.
Confused Man.
Dear Confused Man,
Get it off your chest. Let her know you are interested in her. As it is now, beyond friendship there is nothing binding the two of you together. Even if she suspects your interest in her, the fact that you haven’t told her anything makes her not accountable to you.
As it is now, you are just a person she constantly chats with on the phone and whom she sees occasionally. If she didn’t tell you when she got back into town, it is because she doesn’t feel the need to inform you of her movement.
Besides, she could be involved with someone else, the reason she doesn’t want you around her. It is one thing to constantly speak with you on the phone and another thing to have you visit her at home. While she can still explain her phone conversation with you as being from a friend, having you visit her will definitely be difficult to explain especially to a suspicious minded boyfriend. And she won’t be telling lie if she calls you a friend, because until the point you explain your interest in her to her, you are indeed a friend. For all she knows you might simply be someone who really wants to be friends with her, after all not every friendship between the man and woman must end in romance.
Rather than allow her go for the second time without registering your interest, if she is still around, go immediately to her to declare your true intentions. Tell her in whatever way you are comfortable that you are interested in having her as your special woman. Outline your reasons as clearly as you can.
Confide your fear as well as confusion over her attitude towards you, especially the bit about her coming back to town without telling you even when you both talk frequently over the phone. By letting her know how much her attitude affected you emotionally, you are indirectly underscoring the depth of your relationship with her and how much every decision of hers affects you.
Because the two of you are trying to begin something new, the distance may not do your relationship any good, hence the need for you to find out what her plans are, if it includes relocating to where she did her computer programme. Knowing what her plans for the future would aid the two of you in working out the advantages your different ideas and personalities offer the relationship.
Once you are able to get rid of the fears inside you, pray for God’s wisdom and direction, what you should do and say would be clearer to you.
Good luck.
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