She Beckons For Love After Calling Me Names

Dear Agatha,

There is this girl I find interesting though I equally appreciate her beauty. She recently called to say I wasn’t serious about her. However, when I call to exchange pleasantries with her, she asked to know what I wanted from her. Confused by her response, I told her I would call back since I didn’t understand her. To my surprise, she became offended and started abusing me, saying I was too young for her and cut off the line.

After a week, I called to apologise for the misunderstanding, but she still maintained her stance and warned me never to call her again. There and then I promised not to disturb her again. But now whenever she sees me will be looking, and at times even call out to me. But due to the abusive and rude behaviour, I lack the confidence to get close to her again, though still in love with her. Being older than her, I expect her to apologise to me first, particularly as I didn’t do anything to deserve the things she said to me. Please, what do I do?

Naijaguy.

Dear Naijaguy,

Having done the matured thing of calling her again to explain yourself, ignore her. It is apparent she doesn’t know what she wants. Relationship is about mutual respect. Rudeness isn’t part of playing hard to get. A woman can play hard-to-get without insulting or dragging the feelings of the man interested in her into the mud. Even if the man falls short of her expectation, there are polite ways of declining his proposal without making him feel bad. That you are soliciting for friendship from her doesn’t give her the right to be abusive. The least expected of a woman is to decline an offer from a man she is not comfortable with as much politeness as she can muster. Maturity entails sensitivity to the other person’s feelings; that a man expresses interest in a woman doesn’t give her the right to be rude to him.

Rudeness isn’t part of relationship building and doesn’t serve any purpose whatsoever. A simple ‘No,’ would still have passed on the message effectively. Being polite doesn’t mean consent, but tells of a woman who is sure of herself and knows what she wants at all times. Until she makes up her mind on what is important to her and how much she wants you in her life, it might be waste of time for you to go back to her. Love only functions when it is enveloped in respect and in understanding the other person’s feelings.

However, have an open mind. When she comes or goes out of her way to be nice to you, don’t reject her, accept her offer of friendship and reconciliation by taking time out to study her very well before re-presenting your feelings for her. Good luck.