Dear Agatha,
I am a third year student of Kaduna Polytechnic in a relationship that is chocking me. The relationship is about three years old, and it has been hell.
He has been relentlessly urging me against my will to have sex. We have quarrelled repeatedly over the matter. The thing is, I am a virgin and don’t want to lose it yet. Though, he loves and okay in some aspects, but I suspect once I give in to his demands, something awful would happen. Do I do it? I am so confused.
Whitney.
Dear Whitney,
If this guy loves you, he would willingly wait for you to be ready. Any man who picks quarrel with a woman over her refusal to sleep with him isn’t interested in the woman’s welfare. It shows that his interest in the woman is simply her body.
You may have dated this man for three years, but his reason for staying with you hasn’t changed from what he wanted the first day he met you, your body, which makes your fears justified. He is with you for the wrong reasons, so be on your guard at all times with him to avoid him compromising you.
A man, who loves a woman for the right reasons, would always give her the support to do what is right. Knowing you are a virgin should be more than enough for him as well as a good reason to help you remain focused in your determination to retain it until your wedding night.
As a matter of fact, a lot of men would be proud of such woman as well as take pride in the prospect of being her first lover.
Since he is choking you with his demands, give him the option of either accepting your terms or moving on to another woman who would play the game his ways.
This way, you either both agree to begin afresh on your terms or go your different ways to enable him pursue his passion with another woman.
Sometimes, temporary separation aids a relationship to go the right way.
Good luck.
Posts
Dear Agatha,
ReplyDeleteThanks for your response to the issue of my friend on whose behalf I wrote to you. May God continue to bless you in all your endeavours. But I want to know why women would never learn from the mistakes of other women?
For instance, take the story of that young woman who wrote to you, complaining that her boyfriend of three years is demanding for sex. If truly she is a virgin as she claims, she should be very careful because the attitude of that man doesn’t portray him as being in love with her. If he were, he would be willing to endure the situation and make sacrifices until their wedding night.
There is a proverb in my part of the country that depicts the tortoise and elephant sharing their experiences. While the elephant lamented the regularity of his mistakes, the tortoise learnt from just a mistake.
It is a pity that some women are like elephants when it comes to relationship and sex. They never learn from the mistakes of the past or from those of other women.
Let the young woman avoid the occasion of sin by giving the guy gap for now to avoid him raping her or being seduced to do what she doesn’t want to do. Sex is the survival of the weakest not of the fittest, fittest will always fall but the weakest, well known of his weakness, would avoid it before hand.
I strongly believe that a true friend is one who shares your joy and sorrow, who is a comfort to spend time with, who offers understanding when life is difficult, whose smile is enough to brighten any day, who is glad at the uniqueness of his or her partner, who is trustworthy.
A friend respects the other’s point of view, realising that different personalities can complement each other. Trust, when violated, can ruin even the best friendship.
In my opinion, that man has violated the trust the young lady had in him, so let him go and allow the girl to maintain her vow to God.
Here, in Ireland, some young people are campaigning for chastity because it is now a forgotten issue.
I therefore implore this young lady to hold her pride, and wait for the Lord, who will give her somebody that would respect her decision and cherish her virginity.