What If She Turns Down My Request?

Dear Agatha,

Thanks for helping people to solve their problems. Please I am 25 years of age, a final year student in one of the state universities.

Agatha, I don't have a girlfriend not because I don't want to, but have not seen anyone I really love.

I am the president of our association in school, and there is this lady, a member of the association whom I have interest in but don't know how to go about it.

Agatha, is it wise to woo my member? What if she refused? Will she use it against me? What about my integrity? Do you think I would still have her respect at the end of the day especially if she refuses?

Worried Presdo!

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Dear Worried Presdo,

Unless you are planning on intimidating her, using your influential position as president of your association to get her to submit to your advances. That is the only time your questions would become relevant.

But if your interest in her is instigated by genuine feelings and done with respect, even if she doesn’t share your sentiments, it won’t affect your official relationship.

Most times, women become rude and abusive to men as a result of tactics employed by these men to pass on their love messages. Men who are cultured and responsible in their approaches don’t get insulted. Women are not like cars a man likes and instantly gets it as long as he has the money. Granted, love and relationship are becoming barter, a game of the highest bidder, but there are a lot of women who still want to be treated like ladies and given all the respect due to them.

Despite being your member, don’t make the mistake of telling her you have fallen in love with her. It takes a whole process to fall in love. You like her for whom she is and what you see. Just limit yourself to telling her what you like about her. Being friends with her first would give you the added advantage of getting to know her as well as earning her trust.

By the time you earn her trust, all the worries about you two ending up as enemies and she losing respect for you would not arise, because by that time you both would have nurtured the required understanding to scale whatever hurdles which your desire for her presents to you both.

Besides it would help both of you manage your relationship without it affecting the execution of your duties as president of the association. The consequence of her rejection isn’t as challenging as managing the relationship should she agree.

Being in a position of authority, you owe it to yourself especially to keep sentiments away from managing the association. That is being able to discipline her when she flouts any official procedure like every other member. Indeed, this is what you should worry about, because indiscipline can easily set in if your involvement with her isn’t handled with maturity by both of you. There are members who would use the obvious fact to blackmail you, whether your decision is right or not.

This one aspect of the relationship you must critically consider before going into it. Do you think you have the capacity to keep under wrap your emotional feelings without it affecting your official duties? Do you see her as the serious type, the kind of woman who knows her place when there are people around, who wouldn’t flaunt her advantages indiscriminately to the chagrin of other members who may not be able to tolerate the situation?

Your position as president demands you have by your side a woman who is able, when the occasion demands for it, to divorce her private relationship from her official relationship with you. It is absolutely important you are able to address this problem first before making your interest in her known. You must marshal how you intend to keep your integrity intact because mixing official business with pleasure if not done with maturity could destroy everything you have worked hard to build.

This is why you must make sure your feelings are strong and real.

Good luck.