Dear Agatha,
I must thank you for solving people’s problems. More grease to your elbow. I hope you would help me out as well. I am about 20 years in love but I can’t stay in a relationship for too long.
This is not because I don’t like the guys I go out with, but they all want sex before marriage, something I am not prepared to handle for now. At my age, I don’t think I can handle being pregnant and the attendant problems of fending and caring for a child. I have had to break up with so many guys because of sex, but still they won't let me be. I've never slept with a man before. Interestingly none of them want me for myself. They all want to have sex with me. It got to a frustrating point, I thought of the internet option since the man I’ll go out with on the internet would not see me until the point we decide to marry.
Agatha. I don't know how to meet a man who would want to start a relationship with me without demanding for sex, someone who would wait till our wedding night, right now I feel guys are birds of a feather.
Flora.
Dear Flora.
Not all men are like the ones you have met so far. There are a lot of men who are still purist in nature. These men belief marital vows should not be pre-empted in anyway. With more churches, health and social organisations preaching abstinence among youths and dating couples, a lot of men are beginning to accept the wisdom of developing a relationship with a woman without pressuring her for sex.
It is just that you have been meeting and dating the wrong guys. To avoid all these unnecessary pressures, it’s best you spell out your stance on premarital sex before agreeing to a relationship. From the very first day you meet a man who likes you, best to make it clear from the beginning that you are not into premarital sex. Don’t keep quiet over the matter to give him the chance to either stay or go.
When a woman keeps quiet about it from the onset, it is only natural for the man to assume the woman has no objection to premarital sex. But if from the onset a man knows what he is getting into, that the woman is not interested in having premarital sex until married, he has a choice from the beginning of commencing with the relationship or finding another woman who has no inhibitions to premarital sex.
To go on the internet to source for a dating partner is a defeatist attitude. As a woman, the responsibility of dictating the moral quality of the relationship is yours. For how long are you going to hide behind the anonymity of the internet? It is a challenge you have to meet squarely. It is the first step towards being responsible and your own person. If the men cannot cope with the standards you have set for yourself, let them go. Somewhere in this world there is a man specifically meant for you who would appreciate you all the more for preserving yourself for him. Don’t succumb to pressure from the men who are merely passing through your life to have sex with them. The man that loves you would gladly wait till your wedding night to have sex with you.
With prayers and absolute reliance on God, that special man would come soon. For now concentrate on etching a prestigious place for yourself in life.
Good luck.
Posts
Dear Agatha,
ReplyDeleteI am a young man of 25 years of age, a graduate of Univerity of Nigeria Nnsuka (UNN) and self-employed.
I decided not to be in a relationship because all the girls I dated while in school loved and wanted sex.This is in contrast with what I want, because I want to remain a virgin and marry a virgin. Even when I discuss with them about what I wanted they will agree, but I will found out that they will be having an affair with another guy that involves sex. This happend to all the girls I dated while in school, so decided to forget about relationship. I came to the conclusion that all girls are the same.
But I began to change my view immidiately I read your colum of August 12 about Flora. Since then I started to fall strongly in love with this girl whom I have never met. This is so strong that I have continiously lost appetite, and cannot concentrate on my bussiness due to constant thinking of this unknown love, because I had always thought such girls do not exist. Please help me, I am really in love. Could this love ever be a reality?
This is my number: 08037647820
Dear Flora,
ReplyDeleteWell the ball is in Flora’s court. If she is interested in getting in touch with you I am sure she would after reading this piece.
Dear Agatha,
ReplyDeleteI read your column concerning Flora who is asking you for advice on how to keep her virginity till her wedding night and how all the men she has dated always wanted sex.
Agatha, she is just the type of woman I want in my life. Could you please arrange for a meeting between the two of us or give me her contact number, like her phone or e-mail address?
My name is Desmond would like to date a girl that will wait till our wedding night.
According to her, she desires a man who will allow her be and not demand for sex until the wedding night. Please, tell her that she can call me on +19177839069.
Please do this for her as well as me. She will appreciate it.
Thank you.
Dear Desmond,
ReplyDeleteSorry, I can neither provide you with her e-mail and phone, nor can I arrange a meeting between the two of you. I know after reading this mail, if she is interested in you like all the other men who have indicated interest in her she might get in touch with you.
In the interim, I wish you all the best.
Dear Agatha,
ReplyDeleteGod bless you for the good work you are doing. In response to Flora's letter, I want her to know what she has is of great value, because there is a lot of blessings attached when marriage is entered into with bed undefiled.
There are still a lot of young men out there like me who still belief in marriage with "bed undefiled". She should, however, watch her choice of men, might just be that she is been making the wrong choices based on wrong parameters she has set for herself. I would love to have her contact if she doesn’t mind.
Stay blessed.