Can God’s Perfect-will Make Us Perfect-match?

Dear Agatha,

A question came up during a discussion with some friends and we were unable to resolve it. In the context of our belief in a God who has a perfect-will for all His children, is it right and biblical to suppose that each individual has one unique life partner?

If yes, what happens for instance, when owing to wrong choices, the person uniquely made for us finds him or herself in somebody else's arms? Do we wait till death do them part and possibly ourselves die in the process or do we displace someone else by taking their unique match? If no, what happens to God's perfect will?

Chidi.

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Dear Chidi,

The story of creation lends credence to God’s specifics for us. He made Eve from Adam’s rib. Therefore from every man, He has extracted a rib to make his mate. There is no way another man’s rib would fit into another man perfectly. To have a perfect relationship physically, there must be a spiritual harmony, which is what the rib represents.

Doubtless, we all come with our unique partners that is why some marriages despite obvious lapses in the character and attitude of either of the partners still manage to have a flawless relationship whereas, two seemingly good mannered people have problems making their marriage work.

The problem come from the beginning; the conflict in our beings when our choices conflict with the plans of God for us. Many a time, we insist on our own desires against the real plans God has designed for us. Most times, God allows us the freedom to our ways because right from the beginning He gave us to each and everyone of us the choice of a freewill.

This is why when some of us are going against His Will; He looks the other way, refusing to help us do things His way because He isn’t a dictator.

Marriage falls under one of the many mysteries of life. Although it has a master plan from God but like all the choices we make in life, such plans get derailed along the line either through the choices we make or through our own carelessness as well as thorough understanding of what we are getting into.

Of all the institutions in the world, the marriage is the only one that must stand on the tripod to succeed very well. The physical must at all times find a correspondence with the spirit and the soul to achieve perfection. But unfortunately, most marriages only have the physical formation to go by.

These are marriages based on physical or material consideration. More often than not, the mistakes come from the women who think that unless a man is handsome and rich, he can never make a good husband or provide for his family. This line of thinking is being helped by massive global trends to materialism. Advertisers these days, and unfortunately, religious leaders sell the message of prosperity being the hallmark of God’s personal seal of approval of a person’s effort. They present success in alluring colours and attractive packages while ignoring the resources and investment within.

Because of this trend, nobody likes to be part of anybody’s beginning or support any dream in conception. People only like to be part of a ready-made dream not the beginning of it.

Therefore anybody who appears less successful, no matter how beautiful and dependable that person is, gets relegated to the background or completely ignored by a society that seems to have lost its value or the place of God in things.

This same attitude has found its way into choices of life partners. Many intending couples no longer care about potentials but existing evidences of a person’s profitability as a life partner.

When through our own warped choices or inactions find ourselves or supposed right choices in the arms of other, the way out is to fall into God’s alternative plans for us. For every plan He always has an alternative. When man fell from grace in the Garden of Eden, he instantly put an alternative plan for man’s salvation because nature abhors vacuum.

Once the original plan suffers a setback, it becomes inevitable for one to find another person to fill the void to prevent the greater calamity of loneliness, frustration and moral bankruptcy.

The alternative may not necessarily offer premium satisfaction but produces friendship, understanding, respect, tolerance and sense of responsibility. It may not have the above extra value embedded in perfect choices but would have near perfect result with more determination as well as dedication. The passion may not be exactly right but the friendship as well as respect that comes with second best choices also make marriage satisfactory because there is a meeting of the physical and the spirit.

However, problems become glaring with alternative choices when the choices are based solely on physical considerations. Something has to be felt deep from within to make whatever choice we end up living with amiable to us and ultimately allow God a place in our lives. Being His children He is forever on the look out for our well-being and doesn’t stop at ensuring that His mercy covers us always, only if we learn to put all our trusts in Him.

Good luck.