My Son Toys With Essence Of My Motherhood

Dear Agatha,

It has become a difficult task to raise my young boy now in JSS 2.

I am shocked to see how he changed from being a good boy to a very bad one that he is now. He refuses to write his notes in school, read his books at home or even do his assignments at all. He has suddenly become too stubborn that he has even begun stealing my money.

From what I heard, he has become a sort of Father Christmas to everybody in his school, including his seniors.

His new passion is to make friends with people older than him, mostly those who have no vision in life.

His performance in school has dropped too low despite the fact that he is an intelligent boy. And what beats me hollow is his apparent lack of care.

Being a single parent, he knows that life hasn’t been easy for me and that I am going through a lot of hardship raising his school fees each term. He is not showing any remorse and seems not ready to change.

The worse is the fact that no method of discipline seems to be working for me at all. I love him so much. I have exhausted every means I know including force, love, and persuasion.

I know that I would be held responsible for whatever he becomes in future. I am beginning to feel that I really do not know how to handle or raise children, otherwise, why is he not responding to my measures?

I really accept all these as my faults, which is why I want to be taught how to improve and become a good and responsible mother to him. I do a menial, and since I have to make ends meet, I ensure I put in extra hours while my younger sister is always at home. And I expect her to help out but it seems she isn’t doing much.

I will really appreciate some sort of guidelines that can help me raise this child in a Godly way.

Concerned Mother.

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Dear Concerned Mother,

Let me start by assuring you that no parent really has the magic to rearing perfect children. It takes the special grace of God to produce acceptable children. If any parent tells you, he or she has the panacea to perfect children, that person is a liar, because any thing can go wrong in and with the process of child moulding.

I assure you that one of the most dreadful and difficult assignments on earth is parenting. Child nurturing can really be a torture and pain in the neck.

Not even acclaimed men and women of God can boost of having the right key to children training. Many parents have overtime found themselves falling flat on their faces when otherwise perfect children at home turn out to be real monsters in school.

Although it is most difficult with some children than others but generally speaking, it is like constantly sitting on a board of sharp edge nails. You never know what to expect when it comes to children. Even if your rules are guaranteed to work for your children, it is only for as long as it takes them to mix with other children whose behaviours you have no control over. Because no man is an island, and for this reason parents cannot influence effectively as friends they keep in school or other places they frequent, peer influences as well as other social values constantly being marketed by the society vis-à-vis the media always interfere from time to time with whatever training a child gets at home.

Then again the teenage years are the most difficult to manage because the child, due to all the hormonal changes going on, thinks freedom is at hand. The avalanche of confusion generated by the hormones makes the teenager particularly rebellious and so anti-reforms.

This is the threshold your child has found himself. He thinks the changes going on in his body have made him an adult with all the concomitant freedom to do as he pleases.

Your role as the mother is to give him support while educating him on how his new lifestyle can destroy him forever. This is the time he needs your support, attention, care and experience. Don’t let him see your anger at what he is doing to himself instead let him see the pains, anger and disappointment of what he is doing to himself.

He wants you to be angry so he can use it as an excuse to remain bad. Don’t give him the satisfaction. I appreciate the justification of your anger but it isn’t the wise thing to do right now else you would be driving him farther off from you.

Show him unconditional love; confront him with both the strength and vulnerability only mothers know how to combine to their advantages. There is no way your sister can do it for you. This is a job only a mother who loves a child can do.

Ask him why he has taken to stealing. Listen to what he has to say, it may be a sign of protest against what you are doing, or to get you to pay more attention to him.

Being a boy without a father could be very challenging for him. You must at all times be there for him.

To help you understand him better, try to remember your teenage years and how you dealt with issues. Your understanding and love are what would always make the difference as the years roll by.

You also need to be close to God so it would be easier for you to introduce him to the only Father that has the powers to make all the difference in his life.

Good luck.