My Dream Too Little For Her Wild Ambition

Dear Agatha,

Do I keep dating a woman who has told me she aspires for a better life than I can offer? Or do I keep pleading with her with the hope she would understand one day? I am into education while she aspires for the corporate world.

Olusola,

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Dear Olusola,

Of what use would it be to try to force her to stay with you when she has been very honest with you? In you, she sees no future for herself. She has told you that you are not in a position, no thanks to your choice of profession, to give her what she wants from life.

Even if you are hurt by what she has told you, commend her for her honesty. A lot of women would have stringed you along without you knowing until she found someone else. That she told you is because she doesn't want you to lean too much on her, take her too serious on a relationship that she has no plan to keep.

Even if you change your career to suit what she wants, she doesn't have the type of love you require from a woman to make you succeed in your marriage and life. A man requires a woman to support his dream, to belief in him, to understand what makes him happy and unique. Without the right woman in his life, chances of him making it in life are very slim. From her position, it shows that she isn't the right one for you and would never be able to give you the type of home and peace you require to face the challenges of the outside world and life generally.

The worst kind of life a man can live is to have a woman who doesn't belief in him or his dreams. Ask men who have such women by their sides; they never get to make it the way they should in life. The attitude of the woman limits them eventually.

Trust me, over time, this woman would diminish you personally if you persist on having her. There would be nothing more demoralising for you to have this woman who has told you in plain terms she doesn't think you are in a position to offer her what she wants from life. The truth is even if you succeed in making her stay, you will never be able to make her happy at all. You would always have to struggle against her desires throughout your lifetime and the chances of you being able to please her with whatever you offer her are slim because deep down in her heart and soul, the grass on your side will never be as green as those she has in her dreams. Frankly, this would be a no win situation for you since you would be forced at a point to swallow your pride, as a man, to keep her happy due to fear of you losing her.

Rather than waste time on a venture that would give you pains, let her go now. The pains of today would one day go when you find the right kind of woman who is happy with your choice in life, as an educationist.

The worth of any person is measured by the quality of happiness he or she gets from his or her chosen career. There is no way you can really apply yourself to managing your home or other things if you are limited in terms of support for your career right inside your home.

Her declaration is your cue to begin to request from God to give you the right woman as well as an opportunity to thank Him for saving you from your own desires. Not many men are as lucky as you to escape marital doom.

In addition, her stance shows she is being influenced by another kind of relationship, an attraction that has opened her eyes to the many faults she perceives to be in your own choice of a career and the limits which in her opinion it places on her dreams in life.

At God's own appointed time, He would send a woman whose only duty would be to celebrate you. When she comes along, she would see the many hidden opportunities and treasures in you which many don't see because they were not meant to see them.

All you have to do is pray and wish this one all the best in her determination to hunt for the man of her dreams.

Good luck.

Must I Continue With An HIV Positive Girl?

Dear Agatha,

There is this lady I am in love with. We have been dating for eight years. We recently went for an HIV test and she tested positive while I am negative. Her family members are insisting I marry her.

I am so confused and don't know what to do or how to go about the whole thing. Please help me.

Confused Man.

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Dear Confused Man,

This is indeed a very knotty issue to untangle, but not without a solution if the two of you are honest. And also if you know what you both want from life.

Have you two been sexually involved in your eight years of being together? If yes, at what point? Did you go through blood transfusion? How did she contact the virus when you are not? Notably, is how you both feel about each other? This issue is not about what her family wants or yours, for that matter, but what you both want. Nobody has the right to pressure you into marrying someone you don't want and in this matter; it is beyond what anybody wants.

The big question is you, your feelings and attitude towards the entire development. The decision is yours to make in the sense that you are the one that would have to live with her, who has to make the sacrifices as well as the adjustment to do things differently. The question I am going to ask you, is how much is your love for her worth?

It is the worth of your love that would determine the step you take now. Do you love her enough to stand by here through thick and thin? Give up part of your freedom for her to be happy?

Recent medical breakthrough has removed the death sentence formerly placed on people living with HIV. It is no longer the end of the road but the beginning of positive living habits. Everyday, the medical world is coming up with new drugs which in the no distant future reduce HIV to the status of common headaches or malaria.

Simply put, because it has been painted to be the darkest medical nemesis of man doesn't mean it is now without medical solutions.

With retroviral drugs, you and your woman can have HIV positive children. If she isn't on drugs and management programme already, she should seek medical attention. These drugs work to isolate the virus load on the human system. When the load is at its lowest or non traceable, a couple can met without the aid of condom with the purpose of getting pregnant. The baby is delivered through caesarian to ensure the mother's blood isn't passed to it at birth.

The only freedom you would be giving up is the desire to make love without having to wear condoms most of the time. As a couple you can still do all the other things couples do together. What more, due to the peculiarity of your circumstance, you both are most likely to be closer than the average couples in the sense that being involved in the management of her health, you are always together.

But you can only see the sliver lining in it if like I said; you love this woman unconditionally and are ready to support her.

She represents eight solid years of your life. Years that gave you so much happiness else you wouldn't still be together. Years of building dreams and planning for the future; eight years of labour to fine-tune each other to the persons you are now. You both have invested so much, time, emotion, money and a lot of inestimable moments to get to where you both are. You must have built a measure of trust to have put up with her for those numbers of years. Do you suspect her of anything? Do you think she got the virus from another man?

You have to be certain so as not to condemn her unjustly. Right now, she is going through a lot of psychological turmoil, leaving her without any just cause would only kill her. You would only be justified if you leave her on account of unfaithfulness to you but if she got it through another means you and I could be easy victims of, it would be unfair.

Before you take any decision, look deep into your mind beyond today, to the future when our feelings over certain things are not as rigid as they used to be. Those are the days of plenty regrets, when ifs and had I known pepper every sentence we make; when we have to live permanently in the past to get going.

Think, how would you feel if you see her then still alive and happy in her new life? You would make the best choice if you elect to look beyond her positive status to those qualities inside of her. Pray and let God guide your steps. He only has the right answer to all our problems.

Good luck.

I'm Dying For A Club Girl

Dear Agatha,

It is extremely painful having to share this with you, but I need help. In 2007, I met my girlfriend in a club house. Because of the feelings I have for her, I counselled her to stop patronising the club and that I would do whatever it takes to make her happy. My intention was to make her feel 'wanted' and as well a woman of honour among her friends.

Little did I know that I was digging my own grave! She didn't stop and so was persisted in sleeping with any man who does as much as smile at her even though she comes around me.

I went to her graduation party where she gave me the disgrace of my life. In her room, unknown to me was her latest catch. Because of him, she completely ignored me. I got really angry and slapped her for treating me in that manner, a development that made her new catch and I fight. That night, she left to sleep with him while I spent the night in her hostel room on my own.

The funny thing is that I still love her. What do I do?

Andrew.

 

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Dear Andrew,

Some love stories are more of painful sacrifices than good feelings. If you want this girl desperately in your life, you must be prepared to tolerate and endure emotional pains as well as torture till she is ready to see things your way.

From what you have said, it would be a pure waste of time to tell you not to continue to love her. Besides, some kinds of love are meant to happen outside the scale of norms. Yours is a typical example of falling in love outside standard procedure.

Trust me, this isn't going to be the usual bed of roses, no, this would come with all the hard thorns that would not only pierce your skin but perforate your blood vessels in the process of breaking and mending her. And violence is certainly off limit. You cannot convince her to stay or make her change her mind when you violate her person physically.

Whatever her offence may be, you didn't have to slap her. It was very wrong of you especially as you are trying to reform her ways. Your action is also a bit worrisome in that it showcases you as a man lacking in self-control as well as unsure of himself.

To lead a woman, a man must be self-assured, calm and calculated, like a panther. A more assured man would have calmly studied his opponent with all the niceties in the world before walking away from the scene.

That you didn't show you may not have what it takes to bend this particular difficult iron. Before taking on this, there is the need for you to ask yourself what precisely you like the most about her. This would help you stay focused in times of pains and dejection like the one you are currently facing with her.

You also have to work out a time frame, a reasonable period of transition for her. This is because until the point you met her, she was free to do as she pleased. She was only accountable to herself and her desires. It would take a while for her to learn how to submit herself to the orders of any man as well as conduct herself in a relationship that is not money or sex induced.

Therefore, you must be willing to give her transit without applying undue pressure on her. You allow her time to grow of her own freewill into the relationship because you are the one who wants her to change. Remember, she still doesn't see anything wrong with her lifestyle or in what she is doing. You are the one who has the desire as well as the dreams of making her yours by ensuring she abandons her known way of life. You are also the one who has the opinion that her ways are wayward and unbefitting.

She doesn't have such qualms about her lifestyle. So time must be given for fusing your very diverse ways of thinking to enable your way of reasoning make meaning to her.

This is why you must be careful; develop the patience of a teacher in a kindergarten class. Until she sees reason with you, you cannot afford to be too hostile, pushy or intimidating. Once you lose patience, you are not providing her with any reason to change because in her current world, men court her with money for the privileges you want free of charge. This is a stark reality you must never lose sight of if you want her by your side.

Again, you have to think of your ability to cope with the social stigma associated with having something permanent with a club girl. This is the vital issue you must munch over and over again before you take a firm decision. Can you tolerate the attendant embarrassment all the time or the sharp opinions of people on the matter of your sanity at going for a woman many would definitely consider morally bankrupt.

Before you go far, what are you going to tell your parents? Do you have the stamina to resist their attack and opposition? Can you endure the possibility of your entire family isolating you on account of the woman you married?

Would you be able to endure the attitude of some of your friends who may assume because of her past history can be available to them if their offer is right?

Besides, having met her in the club, you must also consider the possibility of running into other men who were her former clients who still nurse the ambition of getting close to her. What do you think your actions would be? Would you be tempted at such occasions to beat her up or consider it as one of those things and continue as before? Would you have the maturity and understanding to see it as one of the many sacrifices we make for love? Would you ever be able to trust her, not always thinking her capable of going back to her old ways? Do you have the resources to make her happy at least until she indicates interest in settling down with you?

Frankly, this woman may not present as much problems as you are capable of generating in this relationship in the sense if you are able to overlook certain things, tolerate any situation her past presents, give of yourself unconditionally and selflessly, trust with the innocence of a child, it would be almost impossible for you to stay with this woman.

Continue with her if your male ego can withstand the initial many humiliations and competitions you would encounter with her. Stay with her, if deep down you see the priceless gem in her, which everybody around her is currently blind to.

One way you can help her is not to begin on the premise of a relationship. You must first befriend her as an understanding friend, one who is interested in her person and not her body. This is the only way to earn her trust, to tell her that you have something different to offer her, the type of love she has never experienced in life.

Make her crave for you and your company by finding out what she likes as a person, why she went into what she is doing and telling her you understand her reasons even if you don't support them.

Help her to realise the inherent dream she gave up for this type of lifestyle. A journey through her past, her innocent years would help in no small way in moulding how she sees herself from this point.

The essence of you being her friend is also to make her path ways with some of her club friends. This is something you have to do without her catching in on your motive, since she could rebel against the idea of you trying to take over her life completely.

Before she became a club girl, she had dreams, telling her those dreams are not dead and can be resurrected if she has the determination, could help begin to think and have hope in herself again. Many times, women who opt for that lifestyle do it due to the pressures or circumstances they find themselves and not because they enjoy it. They only pretend to enjoy it out of fear of going back to the world that has become hostile to them due to their lifestyle. More often than not, what they require to change completely is someone who believes in them and isn't ashamed to identify with their failures. This is the role you should play now in her life, the role of a mentor and friend.

If, at the end of the day, it doesn't work out between the two of you romantically, she would remember the positive impact you had on her life and if it does, learn to be proud of her always. In addition, resist the temptation to make reference to her past if and when you have a dispute at any point in the relationship.

Also, once an issue is tackled, let it be. It would also be of value to you, never sleep over any disagreement. For your kind of situation, it is pertinent that trust is kept alive at every point.

Once both of you are able to get round the issue of her past and have established a friendship that can consume all odds.

Importantly, you should pray that God gives you all the wisdom and tolerance to help her come out of her lifestyle.

Good luck.

My Brother's Ex Finds Better Love In

Dear Agatha,

My problem is that I am dating a girl that was my younger brother's ex girlfriend. We were all in the same school but was my brother's classmate.

She left the school for another school, a development that made my brother to start misbehaving. He stopped calling or visiting her. Then I acted as the peacemaker between them. I tried bringing back the two of them but it was obvious at a point that my brother has lost interest in her.

Up to that point we were simply friends and we stayed that way well over one year. It was after she wrote her Senior Secondary Certificate Examinations that we actually started dating. Even at that, it was not deliberate or planned. We simply found ourselves gallivanting towards each other.

Our relationship is a year plus now but her classmates now call her names. They are accusing her of dating two brothers. I love this girl so much and don't want to lose her.

But I don't know if it is right for us to be in such a relationship or not? I am so confused because she still tells me she loves me but does not know what to do either. Please I need your help urgently before she goes back to her school in Malaysia.

Wizzy.

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Dear Wizzy,

Morally, it isn't right to date any person your sibling has been involved with. More often than not, it creates a huge problem within the family especially if there was a sexual relationship involved.

Friends calling her names are basing their judgement of the situation on what is right and not because you are both in love. There is an oddity in the arrangement, whereby you who once played the in-between role, is now on the driver's seat.

Even though your brother called off the relationship, it would be hard to explain how you took over his former girlfriend.

If you must continue in this relationship, it is important you take your brother along. Yes, love happens in very abnormal situations and circumstances but wisdom has to be applied at every moment to prevent such an odd circumstantial relationship from collapsing on the people involved.

The fact that this involves your brother makes all the more important for you to consider all the variables before the two of you go too far.

What are your plans for her in this relationship? It won't be fair if you also dump her after a while like your brother did as this would not only affect her already battered reputation but leave her devastated in the whole. Do you love her in that special way a man should love a woman? Do you respect her? Do you trust her to the extent you would leave her in the company of this same brother without feeling the two would commence anything behind you?

Sincerely, this relationship is more about what you want than what she wants in the sense that you are the one with the most baggage. You are the one who has to contend with the knowledge of your brother's former interest as well as relationship with her; you are the one who may have a dissatisfied brother behind the scene; you are the one who would always worry about trust; who has to deal with the discomfort of wondering if you can trust a woman who has once dated your brother to be absolutely loyal to you. These are issue you must deal with now, cannot afford to sweep under the carpet if this relationship is to survive beyond this moment.

Also, it is important you answer as objectively as you can these questions too. Are you simply dating her to continue from where your brother stopped or because you really feel something for her? Sincerely, if you have no plans for her, don't know why you want her to stay in your life beyond the good feelings it gives you to have her with you allow her go with the dignity she still has.

I understand all the emotions she is going through now, not knowing what your intentions are for her or if you want her for keeps. Given the attitude of her friends concerning your relationship, a lot of issues she may have deliberately ignored all these while, have understandably begun to bother her. And unless she gets clear signal from you, telling she wasn't wrong to have fallen in love with the brother of the man she was once dated; get confirmation that your interest in her isn't fleeting but solid, she could change her mind about leaving you.

She can only have the confidence to stay on and challenge her friends if she knows you feel all the things a man should feel for his woman for her and for the right reasons. Right now she is feeling she may have made a costly mistake in her life by following her heart and not her head. It is now left up to you to give her all the assurances in the world to neutralise those fears her friends' concern and opinions are generating in her.

Rather than feel bad about what your friends are saying about your relationship; you and your woman should see it as a blessing in disguise, an opportunity for both of you to reposition your relationship before you go too far.

Good luck.

He's My Mr. Right But Too Passionate To Have Baby Now

Dear Agatha,

There is this guy I love so much and has indicated interest in marrying me. He also wants me to get pregnant for him. He is 31 while I am 22.

Although we have been dating for three years, his passion for me to have a baby started last year and seems to be going stronger with each passing day. Last year, I dreamt he impregnated me and I gave birth to his child this year. Early this year he came with an ultimatum requesting me to either get pregnant or he goes for a woman who is ready to give him a child.

My reluctance has to do with the fact that I am still in school. I am a 200 Level part-time student.

Apart from praying on my own, I have also taken his name to see one of my pastors who also told me that he is the right man for me. I am convinced that he is the right man for me but I don't know how to handle this pressure from him without breaking up our relationship of three years. It would be so painful and sad to let go of a three year old relationship.

I don't know what to do anymore.

Worried Lover.

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Dear Worried Lover,

Understandably at 31, he could be under severe pressure from his family members to get married at all cost. Being in school, he may also be threatened at the possibility of you finding someone else and wants to use the baby as a means of tying you down.

The threat of getting another to produce a baby for him could be a further ploy to get you to play the ball his way.

Having dated each other for three years, it would be a pity to forfeit this relationship on account of inability to reconcile your differences.

Therefore, it is imperative you both come together to listen to each other. You have to listen to his reason why he is desperate for a child and he must also listen to your reasons for not wanting a child yet.

For a relationship to be beneficial, it has to be symbiotic. And for it to be so, both of you must be very understanding of your positions as well as your reasons at all times.

There is no way this relationship would survive if you both insist on having your ways. This is a crucial stage in your relationship and unless you both make up your minds to make it work at all cost, you might as well give it up to save both of you from needless emotional torture.

If you are a part-time student, what do you do when you are not in school? Do you work? How would having a baby affect your time and ability to cope with your studies? You see, it is not just enough telling him you are not ready you must be able to convince him that you are not trying to buy time or playing on his intelligence. You must be able to present him with alternative arrangement that would not only convince him of the sincerity behind your request but also that he has to give you time to finish your education if the need arises.

Frankly, he may be hard to understand your determination not to have his baby if you don't do a good just of explaining to him; he may even begin to doubt you and think it is an excuse for you to cheat on him. Not everyman understands that a woman need time to be ready to settle down. Men simply assume that once they are ready to have families or settle down, the women in their lives must be ready. As a matter of fact they expect women to count themselves absolutely lucky at being offered the post of being a wife and mother.

Fighting him or being obsolete would not resolve the problem rather it would only lead to improperly thought out actions that leave everybody regretful eventually but at the time he is determined to take the decision, he would deliberately not think of far into the future.

On your part, you have to listen to his reasons. Why is he desperate to have a child at all cost? Has it to do with his family history? Is he an only child or male in the family? Is he the first or the favourite? Any man in any of these positions in his family is often under severe pressure to begin to produce babies at all cost.

For this reason, he needs a woman that understands, who would help him manage the problem he is having with his own people. When a woman finds herself in this situation, she has to shift grounds a little bit to accommodate the interest of her man. How much of your time or dream can you give this man to make him happy? How much love do you have for each other feelings that would make the sacrifices of today worth its while later in the future? How much sacrifices are you willing to make for love?

Unless you are ready to shift your grounds a little bit, even if to consider his request as something important, you might find yourself alone on this boat.

Another issue that could also be agitating him could also be the time you have both agreed on. Ask him if he is ready to marry you now as well as provide all you need to be comfortable while looking after his way and still going to school. He may not have considered the huge financial cost of his request, presenting him with the attached burden may make him apply the break until you are nearing the end of your education. To be sincere, it might be difficult for him to wait until you complete your education so you must be willing to renegotiate your terms of agreement with him.

At 22, you are still young with your future still far away at least mathematically. But at 31, his future is already staring at him. And for that future to properly take the shape he wants, he has to settle the matter of his matrimony to give him the impetus to do other things.

One of the most important motivating factors in life for a man to succeed is thought of his family. Men premise their thirst for success on the need to provide for their families. Your man feels with a baby in tow, he would have all the reasons to climb with vigour that ladder of success. It is simply a matter of you coming up with a workable time frame that would not leave either of you with more pains than joy. Just like his dream to have a baby is important to him so also must he appreciates that your education too is important to your future.

All these may not count much if he suspects you of having the tendency of jilting him later in life. If anything has happened in your three years old relationship to question his faith in you, you may not find it easy to convince him to allow you be.

Unless both of you decide on how much you mean to each other, there is no way you two would be able to resolve this problem without it affecting your relationship, negatively.

On the issue of whether he is your God given man, only time would tell and a lot would depend on how you resolve this crisis facing your relationship.

God may have ordained both of you to be an item but you both can still lose it to carelessness and stubbornness.

Good luck.

I'm Torn Between My Ex And Husband

Dear Agatha,

My husband and I are experiencing a problem that has just refused to go away.

We have been married for over 10 years and I can state categorically that we are seriously in love with each other. Sometime this year, I received a call from an ex-lover who broke up with me about 21 years ago. Until the breakup, I had hoped to spend the rest of my life with my ex but the relationship ended in the most traumatic way, under circumstances that left me almost paralysed. My ex, who had earlier proposed to me, informed me that he could no longer go ahead with the relationship when my health was in jeopardy.

A few months ago I received a call from my ex to meet with me and I obliged by paying him a visit. During the visit I gave my ex my opinion of the treatment I received from him 21 years ago when he jilted me in my time of need. This conversation lasted for about two hours. Throughout the meeting, he apologised profusely for everything that happened during and after the breakup. At the end of the meeting, he gave me a sizeable amount of money and requested that we remain just friends. Since the meeting, he and I have been exchanging text and voice messages.

Unknown to me, my husband found out about this visit and everything that transpired during and after the meeting. My husband doesn't seem to trust me anymore since he believes that I have an adulterous affair with my ex. I am not in love with my ex and cannot imagine myself having an affair with him again. My relationship with him is only platonic and nothing more. I love my husband and I desperately need your advice on how to salvage my marriage.

Oyin.

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Dear Oyin,

In his shoes what would you think, how would you feel if he secretly meets with an ex without your knowledge and goes ahead to keep conversation flowing between the two of them? Be sincere, how what would be your natural conclusion? Would you have told your husband about your ex if he didn't find out on his own? How far would you have gone in your friendship with this man if your husband hadn't found you out? These are issues you must provide answers to before this matter can be resolved. There is no way you would expect your husband to continue to trust you when you failed to tell him about your ex and kept his presence in your life a secret. The fact that you were exchanging text and voice messages would make any man wonder at the type of relationship that exist between the two of you. More so, this is a man you were about getting married to and would have married had he not left you.

Yes, you may not have slept with your ex to warrant being tagged unfaithful but you have acted precisely in the manner which could be interpreted as unfaithful. To be candid, you have not acted innocently and have certainly breached trust in your marriage.

When your ex got in touch with you, the ideal thing would have been for you to tell your husband about it. You have been married to this man for 10 years and not once has he given you a reason to doubt his love for you. If you were so precious to the other man why did he abandon you at the point of your need, when you needed him the most?

If he meant well for you, why didn't he offer to meet your family, your husband especially to say thank you to the man who rescued you when he left you without hope?

Deep down do you think he would have come back to apologise if you had ended up in a mental home or become the sort of woman nobody wants to be identified with?

Why did he give you the money? To assuage his conscience or to lure you back into bed with him? What was the motive and why did you not tell your husband about it afterwards?

Honestly, if you had any pride, you shouldn't have accepted that money because accepting it means he still has some control over you, a say in your life and the right to disrupt the quality of happiness in your home.

No matter the excuse or the extent of what you both shared in the past, you should have on account of your marriage resisted his charm and closed all avenues of him coming back into your life. Remember, you are now a married woman, accountable to another man and no longer free to pursue relationship with your past without the knowledge of your present. If you were still unmarried, the story would have been different and nobody would have questioned your right and decision to keep the communication line opened but as a married woman or man for that matter, you cannot indulge in such thing without jeopardising the well-being of your home.

This issue would only go away if you can explain to your husband why you went to your ex without telling him and why you decided to keep the communication line going.

Before you do this, you must first examine your own motive. Deep down, what do you still feel for this man? Be honest because therein lies the antidote to the problem you are having in your marriage. Was it simply a matter of curiosity that made you go to him or something deeper? Given the way he treated you, intense anger and the need to give him a piece of your mind at the mindless way he dumped you at your hour of need may have been the motive but thereafter, why did you decide on holding on to him?

Do you still feel something for him? I know it is never easy to give up on someone you once loved to the point of wanting to marry him, but is it just your will to maintain the friendship of the past or something deeper than you want to admit to? Have you really gotten over him?

It is only when you face these questions with all the honesty they deserve you can go before your husband to explain yourself and reasons as well as plead for forgiveness.

In the interest of your home, admit your mistakes by agreeing to how the event presents you in his eyes. Beg him in the language you know he understands best and for now, don't pressurise him into forgiving you immediately. It would take a while for him to be able to put this incident behind him and much would depend on how strong your relationship is and how you progress from this point. If you are humble, calm, remorseful and very prayerful, he would eventually forgive you. Being anxious and desperate to settle it immediately could lead you into making more mistakes so allow time, to heal him because what you did is a grievous offence against all marital laws. He needs time to mend and heal before he can completely forgive you.

You see, some love never die but you just must let go if your present and future are to serve you well. This man is forbidden to you and you to him. You now belong to someone else, someone who loves you, who desires you for who you are and not what you are.

Besides, this man knows you are married and if he has any respect for you, he would not do anything to jeopardise the sanctity of your marriage. You are destroying the beauty and strength of your marriage by allowing a third party into it. Still this wind of destruction before it consumes you and your home.

Call the other man in his presence and tell him to stop calling you that his presence in your life is affecting your marriage. If he loves you he would understand your need to be rid of him. To ensure he doesn't bother you again, change your sim for the time being.

Give your husband all the respect he deserves as your man by being very honest with him in everything you do.

Good luck.