She Is Being Unreasonable
Dear Agatha,
Thank you for the words of wisdom you normally pass on to those who ask from you.
I’m 45 years of age and was doing well, until I got involved with the mother of my six children, years ago. Immediately, she came into my life, things became difficult but I assumed it was a passing phase; that my economy would pick up again.
Due to the exorbitant nature of marriage rites in her home town, we agreed to put the ceremony on hold but started cohabiting as man and wife. The children came in quick succession. During the course of our stay, I discovered we never agreed on anything. For instance, we couldn’t resolve the simple issue of how many children we wanted.
Since I didn’t want as many children as she did, she reported me to my family that I was denying her the right to have as many children as she wanted. My father who is late now and the entire family supported her position to have more children.
Today, my father is no more and it has become extremely difficult for me to provide for them. She is not doing anything. Any business she ventures into, folds up within two weeks. At a time, principalities physically locked her shop.
Subsequently her behaviour changed towards me so much so, she decided to end the marriage. I waited for her for five months but she remained adamant.
Confused at the trend of things happening in my life, I went to several men of God who all confirmed that she and my mother were responsible for my series of misfortunes through witchcraft. I was told to avoid her completely to be delivered.
I started dating another lady. Within a year we got married according to Native Law and Custom. We were progressing. I told her that I had a lady who bore me a child. I was told by the men of God not to mention I had six children with the woman.
But she found out and told her family. Her mother and her siblings came to attack me with a gun in my house. I was injured, my valuables stolen, including my car and I was chased out of my house by them.
For four months, I lived in the church and returned to the house only after my pastor conducted deliverance for me.
A month after I returned, my wife started nagging me to complete the marriage rites before we can live in peace. In addition to denying me sex, she forbade me from seeing my children; that I should be sending them money only. She also demanded for security for herself and our only child together.
We argue often over little things because according to her, I have not agreed to her request to marry her properly.
Much as I love her, I was told by my prophet that she was dedicated to their family’s deity when she was eight years of age and that she has a marine husband- meaning she is not to marry a physical man. Members of both families, including my mother are all attacking me for breaking their covenant with her. Every attempt I have made for her to be serious with the things of God have proved abortive. It is either she refuses to attend church or leaves before the close of service.
The funny thing is, she was the one who was always dragging me to church during our courtship.
Whenever I confront her after she misbehaved to me, she would claim not to know what came over her. Please I don’t know what to do as I wouldn’t want my first set of children to lose out of my property. Also, I don’t want to continue moving from one woman to another. This isn’t the kind of life I want for myself. I’m a quiet and peace loving person.
Confused Man.
Dear Confused Man,
Your story is a very complicated one but not beyond what God can do. This is what you must have at the back of your mind always. To attempt to do anything on your own without putting God first in this situation you are in, is to endanger your life as well as your children’s.
Candidly, the women in your life are not your problem. From your story, the major hindrance is your mother. Without her releasing you from the spiritual bondage she has placed on you, you will never have the spiritual freedom to prosper.
Therefore, you must begin the quest for your spiritual freedom from the doorstep of your mother. It is essential you know what your problem with your mother is. When I say problem, it doesn’t necessarily mean you offended her but there are certain things about our births, only our mothers are aware of. She has to explain the spiritual issues surrounding your being.
The fact that the two women you brought into your life have strong spiritual influences and connections which your mother is aware of, can only mean one thing, she too is in league with whatever powers these women are involved with. That puts her therefore in the best position to explain the things you don’t understand about your relationships with women as well as proffer a solution.
Also, according to you, she was fingered by the various men of God you went to, as being behind your misfortune. In addition, if she is saying you breached the agreement she and your second woman had by your refusal to complete every marriage rites on her, then she sure knows a lot of things about the issues confronting you more than anyone else.
But you have to enlist the help of God through prayers and fasting before speaking with your mother on this issue. Without God’s invention, you may not get any useful information from her.
It is only when your mother releases you that you can confront your wife. If she is truly forbidden to marry spiritually, there is no way she would have given birth to a child for you. Besides, if you have gone through native laws and customs, why are you hesitating doing as she says, marrying her in church and registry? Something is clearly not right about that story.
Much as I agree you have to defend the interest of your first set of children, you have to be alive to do that. You must have the courage to tackle all your problems from the root. In talking to your mother, don’t be confrontational. All you have to do is appeal to the mother in her. Ask her to help you stay alive to take care of her and your children.
One weakness I noticed in your letter is your inability to pray on your own. In the first instance, you shouldn’t have lied to your second woman on the number of children you had in your first attempt at marriage. The number of children you have isn’t something that can be hidden from her for too long. Had you prayed personally, God would have told you what to do. There is no way He would cause a greater problem than the one you were contending with by telling you to lie.
If your wife is misbehaving, it is because you lied about such a fundamental thing to her. She naturally feels if you can lie about such an obvious thing as the number of children you had before meeting her, then you can lie about other things that are not so obvious hence her insistence that you marry her properly.
Also, not telling the truth sent a wrong signal about your lack of trust in her. Trust is of prime essence in every relationship; without which it becomes an empty shell that cannot be salvaged. That single lie destroyed whatever chance your relationship had to grow. For that reason, you owe your wife apologies. Explain to her why you didn’t tell her the whole truth from the beginning.
If you don’t want this marriage to end, you have to meet her half way. You simply have to make the efforts not just for your sake, but for the sake of your children.
As for the welfare of your first set of children, set up a trust fund for them until they are old enough to manage the funds by themselves. You can invest in Federal Government treasury bills or bonds using their names. There are more secured ways than landed property to bequeath to children. This way there would be no ambiguity or needless legal cases after you are gone.
Like I said, there is no power greater than God’s. If you are determined, you can pray your wife out of any stronghold and lead her into the presence of God. Establish a link between you and God. It is important.
Good luck.
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