Auntie Agatha

I’m Fed Up With Life

By thepost on December 23, 20160 Comments

Dear Agatha,

At 43 years of age, I’m fed up with life. In the last three years, life has been so difficult for me.  My wife left me during the last presidential election and is now living with another man.

When I could no longer endure the shame I had to relocate from Abuja where I lived with my wife to a remote village, in Bauchi State.

But my mother has been pressuring me to return home and start afresh, that my life shouldn’t end because a woman left me.

Please, I need your advice

Okonkwo

Dear Okonkwo,

Something tells me that your problem has nothing to do with your location but your person.

At 43, your life should have gone beyond the stage of your mother telling you where to stay or live your life.

That she is still insisting you come back home underscores an inherent problem somewhere in your life.

Are you willing to face the truth? Without a genuine desire on your part to effectively tackle this problem, you will just be dancing on a sport until too late to do anything about your situation.

Your problem didn’t begin with your wife leaving you.

No, it is deeper than that.

Although you failed to mention for how long you both stayed together as a couple before she left you, or if there was a proper marriage for that matter. Although, the fact that she left your house to live with another man while you relocated to Bauchi, tells a story of things not done right from the onset.

If you both had a proper marriage, your families would have been involved in either settling the dispute or dissolving the marriage. The fact that nobody from your families appeared to settle the rift between you both underscores an inherent problem with your life.

Though you made allusion to the past three years as being the most frustrating, the question is, have you always had an easy life? If so, why is your mother urging you to come to the village and why did you opt for a remote area when there are towns you could have stayed, if the purpose is indeed to escape the shame of your woman abandoning you for another man?

So, what is the real problem? Has it to do with your foundation and family, or is it just you, having problem in the family? If you are the only one; what kind of choices did you make in life that might have brought you to this pitiable level?

At times, the mistakes and choices we make during those years of youthful exuberance do stalk us into our adult life, making it difficult for us to make progress. It could come in the form of a life-time opportunity missed physically, academically, emotionally or spiritually.

Such rare chances don’t come twice in a lifetime, hence when missed, they are never recovered, unless through the mercy of God.

Your ill-fated marriage may just be a result of that opportunity you lost earlier in life or part of a foundational problem you inherited from your fore-fathers.

To properly situate where your problem is coming from, first undertake a careful study of your family history roots.

Then ask yourself the following question which must seek true answer to: Are your problems peculiar to you or are there antecedents? If you aren’t the only one, then it is from your family tree. Look around you again to find out how others were able to overcome these challenges and if none has been able to get out of it, act fast by digging deeper into your origin with a view to mapping out ways of how to effectively tackle them from the root.

Be mindful, finding out is one thing, freeing yourself is another thing. You must be ready to fast and pray to get respite from the situation.

The presence of serious spiritual problem in one’s life could actually make family and friends become hostile without meaning to. While not in any way supporting what your woman did to you, she might not even understand what informed her decision.

This is why, even if you are the only one going through these challenges in your family, you must pray to God for intervention in your matter.

It is only after you have freed yourself from any spiritual constraints that you can focus on the other aspects of your life. Without spiritual harmony in our lives, every effort put in making a difference ends up a nullity.  This explains why seemingly average people end up doing so well, while exceptionally brilliant persons end up as failures.

Giving up on life generally is defeatist. This is one weapon the devil employs in discouraging people from developing the will to fight for their freedom in life.

Frankly, if you don’t end your self-pity and anger at the world, you will never show that woman who left you for another man that she made the biggest mistake of her life. Going to a remote area to escape the scorn isn’t the solution. Without a well thought out plan of action, you will end up more miserable.

Like I said earlier, the location isn’t the main problem with you. If God says your current location is where He is set to bless you, there is nothing you can do about that. There are so many people who should be in the village doing very well but who are in the city suffering. It is a simple matter of having the right connections to God.

At your age, your mother isn’t the only one you should be listening to. Hear also and more importantly, from God who created you and has your master plan in His hands. Your mother can only pray for you at this stage but only God can tell you how best to recover your life. Once that happens, you will be surprised at how fast you will recover from your current travails, including having the right woman in your life.

Studying the words of God will certainly help you greatly in understanding life better and deeper. Every man comes with a destiny that has to be fought for before it can become manifest. For everyone who has a success story in life, one person in the family stood in the gap.

You have to stand in gap for yourself and descendants to gain freedom from your kind of challenges.

Good luck.