I saw a pack of condoms in her bag

With Auntie Agatha, gataedo@yahoo.com, agatha.edo@gmail.com Tel: 08054500626

Dear Agatha,

Thank you very much for your wonderful contributions to matters of the heart. 

Please advise me on this. There is this young girl I love so very much but each time I ask her to tell me if she is dating another guy, she nags and tries to make me feel she isn’t cheating.

Recently, she visited me after series of me pleading with her to come over to my place. To my greatest surprise, I discovered a pack of gold circle in her bag but she denied its ownership insisting it belonged to her roommate who went out with her bag a day before she came to visit me. She went on to say, she didn’t even know about the existence of the condom in her bag.

I also discovered that she is keeping another relationship in her school. I still love her.

Please what do you advise?

Worried Lover.

Dear Worried Lover,

Lesson number one, don’t search through the contents of your girlfriend’s bag if you don’t have the heart to handle whatever mystery the bag holds. Any man who does that is opening himself up for pains and disappointment. Only a man who wants to be lied to, exposes himself to that situation. The bag of a woman is as mysterious as the heart of a woman. There is no limit to what it holds. So if you want to be happy with yourself, resist the temptations of prying in your girlfriend’s bag.

Doing so also underscores the insecurity of the man involved. Every relationship must first be premised on trust and respect for it to go anywhere. Going through her bag is an indication that you don’t trust her.

No woman wants to operate under the heavy scrutiny of a man especially if she is innocent of the charges against.

The fact that you found a pack of condom in her bag, doesn’t automatically translate to her cheating on you. Her explanation could just be the truth because it is a common thing among young ladies, especially in a hostel setting to exchange fashion accessories. Although, that doesn’t make her less liable because she should have checked the contents of the bag because if her friend had left something incriminating like a gun or hard drug; the kind of things that can get her into trouble with the law, there is no kind of explanations that would exonerate her from the mess.

In this regards, you have every right to be angry with her and question her motives or moral as no decent girl is expected to go about with a condom in her bag. Even if she has a reason to, our society is one that doesn’t take kindly to women flaunting their sexual autonomy.

For the purpose of growing this relationship, allow this to pass because you have no concrete evidence to nail her. She has told you that her friend left in her bag; if you insist, a friend would definitely turn up to own up to its ownership. At the end of the day, you would be the one looking like a fool and a jealous one at that.

No man can successfully track a woman or put her under check. Only a woman can make the decision of wanting to be responsible. Without your girlfriend deciding on her own to be faithful to you, there is nothing you can do to make her. Sincerely, you will be wasting time trying to monitor her.

At this point, you either learn to build trust into the relationship or terminate it to protect your sanity as a man.

Especially, as you are convinced she is having another affair with someone else.

There are some impossible relationships no matter how much you desire it to be real. It is painful that you love her but if she isn’t ready to be stable for now, there is little or nothing you can do to make her.

But, you can go a step further in your quest to nurture this relationship to maturity by making the attempt to sit her down for a heart-to-heart discussion. Sometimes when you lay bare your heart to the one you love, you help that person to realize how important it is having you around. The fact that you are constantly nagging her and displaying your suspicions of her could influence her decision to have another man in her life as a kind of security to your mistrust of her in the event you decide to end the relationship midway.

Opening up to her might have the right impact on your relationship by making her realize how important she is to you. Knowing this for a fact might just make her want to stay with you and appreciate your love for her.

Sincerely, the decision is yours to make but give her the chance to defend herself before you take a decision that you might end up regretting later in life.

This is because there are certain things that might appear right now but may turn out not to be as important as it was years back.

Don’t be confused because there is really nothing confusing about your relationship. Your answer is right in your mind. Do what you feel good about in this situation.

Good luck.

I need help

Dear Agatha,

I’m using this opportunity to see whether I can appeal to any well meaning Nigerian who can help me  get a good job. 

I have an academic deficiency and this has not given me an opportunity to get a good job but I’m good at managing businesses because I can prepare operations manuals, business plans and other documents like minute writing and the rest of them. My greatest wish is to own my own business and publish my book on money and magazine.

Also I want to use this opportunity to appeal to any good looking woman who must be a plus size or  full bodied living in Lagos who wishes to be married to contact me. 

I’m a good Christian and hope to become a pastor one day. My number is, 08122351449.

Cheta

Dear Cheta,

What do you want? A job or a woman? These are two major desires, you cannot combine for now.

If you are thinking of becoming a pastor, you must know how to apportion time to everything; else you end up achieving nothing at the end of the day.

This is because a new job or business requires initial attention to make an impact so also is a new relationship. To combine two heavily demanding issues is to jeopardize your chances of succeeding at any of them.

It is either you concentrate first on building a relationship with the woman after your heart or get a means of livelihood first.

On the issue of getting the right education; it is never too late. You can still go back to school when you have a stable means of income. You don’t have to go for a full time; go for part-time to allow you do other things in life.

Another way you can market yourself is through your church. There will always be one or two persons needing your kind of services. Let your pastor know what you can do and how good you are at it by offering to do one or two things within your area free of charge for the church.

Not many people would want to invest blindly on a person whose service or integrity they don’t know unless those whose minds are made up that they just want to help irrespective of the character of the person they are investing in.

Even if you are not in a big church, there will always be a need for the services you listed above. Every church needs someone to organize its activities, meetings and related programmes. Someone would definitely notice and recommend you to people who are looking for someone to trust with their businesses.

I’m sure, there one or two persons who after reading this, may be moved to help you.

To get this right in your life, learn to trust God implicitly by asking for His directions as well as help in arriving as His planned destination for you.

If true, you have been enlisted by God to be a worker in His vineyard, you may not go far if you are working outside His desires for you. This is why you must settle things with Him before moving on to prevent an exercise in futility.

Good luck.