She is acting strangely

With Auntie Agatha, gataedo@yahoo.com, agatha.edo@gmail.com Tel: 08054500626 Dear Agatha, I am 23 years of age. There is this lady I fell in love with and who claims to love me but, who has continued to play smart. Admittedly, I became interested in her because of her Christian attitude. Since meeting her, I have shouldered some of her responsibilities but she has refused to allow me get as close as even to touch her. I understand the bit about her not wanting to sleep with me until our wedding night, even though she isn’t a virgin but keeping me at a distance, is making me wonder at her motive for dating me since I cannot even get to kiss her. I keep having this feeling she would leave me one day and have even suggested she stopped calling me but she keeps insisting she loves me. I don’t know what to do. Uche. Dear Uche, At 23, are you ready for marriage? Do you know what her previous experiences are that made her vow never to get too close to a man until she gets married? If you were attracted to her person by her Christian qualities, what were you expecting? Why are you disappointed that she is displaying the traits of a true Christian? Were you expecting her to be different from your perception of her? This girl has not in any way deceived you or told a different story about herself. If sex or intimacy was what you wanted from her, you should not have gone after her at all. If she is not allowing you get close to her, she has her reason. After all, she didn’t lie about being a virgin. She told you the truth meaning, there is an experience somewhere that has informed her current position against any form of intimacy with a man. For better understanding in a relationship, goals post must not be changed mid-way. Had you been more explicit at the onset of the relationship, perhaps she might not have entered a relationship with you. The danger is, if you keep insisting on being intimate with her, she may think your interest in her is simply to ravish her body. If you really love her, learn to respect her views. She may no longer be a virgin but, has learnt sufficient lessons to influence her current determination to remain celibate until her wedding night. On the issue of her not allowing you get close to her, it is to prevent what she doesn’t want to do. For some women, the mere touch of a man’s lips is enough to make them lose their balance. Besides, are you going to kiss her without touching a part of her body? Erotic zones differ from one individual to the other. If she is the kind whose erotic zones are on the common places, like her shoulders, palms, lips or nipples, there is no way she can prevent a kiss degenerating into hot romance. Prevention they say is better than cure. She is trying to avoid a situation she would be compromised. Try to understand her if you love her. As for the things you are doing for her, if it bothers you that much, you have a right not to even if it is for the purpose of knowing how she would react to the situation. If at the end of the day she freezes you off on account of you withdrawing these privileges; thank your stars and move on. It means her interest in you was for the money she was getting from you. It is as simple as that. But if she continues to date you Inspite of it, be careful you don’t allow the demands of your body drive her away from you. Concentrate your energy on getting to know her better by being the friend she needs at this point in time. Every relationship has a trial period: intended to help prepare the couple for the challenges of being married, alert a couple to the need of adjusting one’s character to accommodate the other person’s needs and feelings; to teach couples to be selfless and promote better understanding into the character of their partner. I am sure if asked what kind of woman she is, you may not be accurate in describing her because your mind is too preoccupied by sex to care about her person, nature or abilities as a human being. The more you worry about her refusal to allow you near her, the more you lose the opportunity of getting to know her and getting close enough to be a true friend. The best way out for you is to take each day as it comes with this woman because if you try too hard to rush her into anything, you will lose her completely. There may not be a better time than now to get to know her. So explore the opportunity presented by her aloofness. Good luck