He wants intimacy as compensation for dating his wife

Dear Agatha, I am in a very nasty fix and don’t know how to get out of it. I work in one of the better established banks and in 2009, I met and dated this lady that was posted to our branch as a corper. We were an item for over nine months, but when she left for her Masters’ program abroad, the relationship sort of fizzled out. Given that she had introduced me to a couple of her family members including her cousin, I walked up to say hello to this cousin of hers, when I bumped into her at a party at Victoria Island. To cut a long story short, I dated this lady for over a year. After a while she and I parted amicably as we both had incompatible visions. However during the time I dated her, she too had introduced me to my first girl friend’s elder sister. When my first girl friend’s elder sister found out that I was no longer with her cousin, she got in touch with me and did not hide her intention of dating me. After a while, she introduced me to the family as we both felt that the relationship was going somewhere. However, we eventually drifted apart when it became obvious to her that I was not quite ready to settle down. My current dilemma is that her mother being a bit of a looker and a society lady, felt attracted to me and we eventually hooked up. During one of our secret liaisons in their house, we were caught pants down by her husband who happens to be well connected. He was calm about the whole thing; he handled the situation by politely asking me to leave his house and never to come back. I do not know how this man got hold of my number, but he called me to demand for a meeting which I was in no position to refuse. When we met, he told me that since I had slept with his two daughters, his niece and wife, that he feels left out. He is threatening to ensure I lose my job as well as make my life miserable in Lagos, if he does not get his share of my body. Agatha, I am not gay and feel quite repulsed about the whole idea. He has given me up to this week to perform, otherwise…..Help. Valentino. Dear Valentino, You feel repulsed by what he is asking you to do? But you were not disgusted sleeping with daughters and mother or with another man’s wife under his roof? This is what comes out of being insensitive, indiscriminating and generally irresponsible. If you weren’t irresponsible and selfish, you won’t date two sisters, not to talk of three and their mother. Even if their mother offered you all the gold in the world to sleep with her after sleeping with her two daughters, did you have to accept her invitation and doing it inside her matrimonial home? What were you thinking? Accepting not only to date a married woman, but one whose daughters you have dated? In this man’s shoes, what would you have done catching a boy your daughter brought home as her future husband having sex with your wife right under your roof? If this man is demanding you sleep with him as well after all the commotions you have caused in his house and family, who can blame him? You advertised yourself as a young man who isn’t discriminating, who has no respect for the feelings of others at all. So why should you care if this man is asking you to date him since you appear to have a fixation on his family members? If you can sleep with his wife, daughters and niece, he reasons you might as well sleep with him since the world, no, appears to be absent in your dictionary. This man you have obviously hurt deeply feels he is only offering you what you like to do. You are a very lucky young man he didn’t kill you because what you did is enough for another man to terminate your life. You have injured this man in that place where it touches him the most. Do you know the pains he carries as a father seeing you drop one daughter and a niece for another? Can you even begin to imagine his ache when his elder daughter brought you home as the man she plans to spend her life with after you have dated her younger sister? You didn’t need anyone to tell you not to have encouraged the sister after dating two women from the same family. Yes you can argue that the elder daughter initiated the relationship but, if you have a little moral, you would have declined especially as you knew deep down you were only playing the field with her. To add his wife to your list of conquests in his family was very provocative. And the guts having sex with her, under his roof, is what is making this man very determined to destroy you. I suspect this man isn’t really into what he is asking you to do but, is out to make your life miserable; destroy whatever it is that makes you so confident to farm only in his compound. Even if this man didn’t protest, God will because you violated this man’s matrimonial home. Never mind that his wife approached you for a relationship, wisdom and respect for the sanctity of the marriage institution should have made you run away from her considering that you too would one day get married. When you were sleeping with her in her husband’s house, did you ever pause to think of her marital status and how you are helping her to destroy her home? Did you consider the pains you would be causing her husband and family if they found out what you had done? What about her daughters you slept with? Did you put into consideration that the woman you were sleeping with bore them? Even if the woman is morally bankrupt and lacking of the essential ingredients to qualify her as a responsible mother and good example of womanhood, did you have to oblige her request? Aren’t there single women out there you could easily have continued your sexual fantasies with? Did you for one second consider the possibility of someone sleeping with your own wife one day, while you were sleeping with this woman? One way to get out of this issue is to first accept that you were wrong. From the tone of your letter, you aren’t repentant; just worried about what the man is asking you to do. To get out of this mess your lust put you, you must first acknowledge you were very wrong. You cannot plant sorrow in a man’s heart and life and expect to reap sweetness in your own life. You have done too much harm to this man. Go and look for who to beg that will talk to him. Not only have you destroyed this man’s home but you have also ruined him as a man. You need to find ways of really appealing to him to forgive you even though the harm you caused him will never mend. Whatever you do, ensure he forgives you. Through his daughter, you can get the name of someone he respects who can join you in appealing to him. Also ask for God’s forgiveness in this matter. It is essential. It is important you learn from this by conducting your affairs with more decorum in future. Chances are this happened to save you from a more grievous danger in future. If you are wise, you will move closer to God and stay focused in life. Very promising careers of many young men and women have been buried permanently by their reckless and insatiable thirst for sex. Good luck.