My in-laws want everything my late husband worked for

With Auntie Agatha, gataedo@yahoo.com, agatha.edo@gmail.com, Tel: 08054500626 Dear Agatha, I am a widow; have been a one since July last year. My husband died in a motor accident along the Lagos/Benin expressway on his way from an official engagement. His employers were very good to us. Many of his colleagues stood and are still standing by us but because he died intestate, his family has been battling me since his burial for the two houses he left behind. All the money which should have come to me and the children during the burial as well as his entitlement went to his younger brother he documented as his next of kin. He was at a time staying with us, was sponsored by my husband through school. He collected over N6m; he didn’t bother to give the children and I anything. Our last child was at the time of her father’s death writing her project and required certain money. Not wanting to bother me, she went to this uncle of hers, he drove her out of his house, said all sorts unprintable things about me and my children. I only got to hear after the incident. She eventually got the money from her father’s best friend. I have always been a full time house wife; my husband didn’t want me doing anything; he wanted me to be available for the family. Severally, I tried to persuade him to allow me go into business, he declined. In fairness to him, he did his best to make me happy. I am from a very humble background; despite this he married me and today, through his support, I went back to school. I trained as a teacher. My in-laws say they have a right to everything because only their son worked for it all. That since they married me, I haven’t done any kind of work in my life beyond eating and sleeping and that while their son was alive, I was the only one enjoying him even though they were the ones that trained him. Since his death, his sister and another cousin have practically moved in with me; each day is a struggle for me. They insist I pack out of their brother’s house. My children though are 23 and 21 years of age lack the stamina to confront them. Their father always sheltered them. His best-friend who is the lawyer is urging me to go to court, actually went to court to get a restraining order against them but knowing how diabolical they can be, I don’t want trouble for my children. The documents of the house are in my children’s names. My husband built a different house in my name, unknown to his people. I also know he bought a parcel of land in the village two years before he died; he intended it for a farm land but that too has been taking over by his family members who are busy fighting each other for their own share. I am writing to you to help me make the right decision concerning this issue of inheritance. Should I go to court over these two houses or do I allow them take over everything? I am scared of them because from the very moment my husband died, they have started fighting over his property. There are signs to make me believe that they know about his death. Out of three cars he had, they have taken two; the only car I have left is the new one he bought and which didn’t come until after the burial. His friend had to take delivery of it, packed it in his house until four months after his death before bringing it to our house. He told my in-laws that the car was bought by my late husband’s friends for me. But for that story he told them, I wouldn’t have a car to use. Betty. Dear Betty, Life is segmented into different seasons. There is always a time to remain calm and time to fight. Anyone who sits on the fence all the time ends up being a mere spectator in the affairs of men. It is unfortunate you lost your husband in the circumstances that he died but, you must do something to protect the inheritance of your children, no matter how daunting the task appears to be. You have acted reasonably so far bu, you must show your fangs too; make them realize that you have feelings and that you too can bite. They are acting this way because they sense your fear as well as the inability of your children who under the law are old enough to decide what they want, to challenge them. There is a big difference between wisdom and foolishness. Wisdom is what you have displayed thus far; allowing them to take the things they have taken so far but you would be foolish to give up your children’s houses simply because you are afraid of them. The children too have a right to their father’s property. If someone took away N6m without parting with a dime and others are busy cutting up his parcel of land; why should you give up the houses he specifically built in the names of the children? The laws of the land are explicit on such matters. Besides, there is a God you can always run to; you are challenged by their attitude for the reason that you appear timid and one that lacks the courage to fight for what is yours. One way to end this fear of them is to perish the thoughts from your mind that they killed your husband. Only God, the author of life has the power to do that. Your husband died because it was his time to take his final bow. If they had the powers to really kill, you wont be alive today; the same people you think killed your husband would have killed you and the children too to enable them have unlimited access to your late husband’s property; it would have been an easier option for them. That you and the children are still alive means God hasn’t given over your lives to anybody. And as long as you trust and have faith in that God, you will stop being afraid of mere mortals like you. Always believe that where you are concerned, they are limited by the presence of your God. The truth is that, they will not stop at anything to strip you of everything you and your husband worked for. Even if you never worked since you got married him, you produced the right environment for him to create the wealth they are all fighting you for. If you didn’t support him or, gave him hell, he wont have the presence of mind to think positively. For that reason alone, you deserve respect and honour. Besides, whatever they invested on him, isn’t your business. He was their son and their duty to educate him just as it is your business to ensure that your children get the best of their inheritance. Taking over everything your husband worked for in life amounts to denying his children the right to premium education and a good place in the scheme of life. That is what you should protect by refusing total freedom for them to trample upon your rights as his wife and mother of his children. Those children don’t answer to your father’s name; they are the future of their father, his legacy and bequest to his own family. If they have forgotten this fact, make them understand that whether they liked it or not, they must factor in the interest and future of the children their brother left behind; it is the only way the so called school fees they paid on their father can yield better dividends for them to further enjoy. It is high time you stopped feeling sorry for yourself and take complete charge of your life. Begin by serving those who have taken over your house with a quit notice. Should they fail to pack out, consider the option of either selling the house completely or renting it out while you move to a smaller place that, will just be enough for you and your children. Ensure there is no extra room for anybody to stay in. For now, go for a rented apartment to remove all pressures from you. You can move into your own house later but for now, it will be best for you to stay in a rented apartment. This will give them the impression that you are really pressed for cash; that you are down on your knees. Since their motive is to ensure you are left with nothing; they will celebrate their achievement and in the process allow you to begin life anew. Give instruction to your lawyer to go ahead with the case while you go on your knees to ask for strength from God. Let them know that while you are prepared to let go of everything they have stolen from you, but that these two houses belong to your children and you aren’t ready to give them up. Good luck.