My ward is pregnant at 13

With Auntie Agatha, gataedo@yahoo.com, agatha.edo@gmail.com, Tel: 08054500626 Dear Agatha, Please help me resolve this problem in my home. It has to do with ward and my younger brother. My ward’s parents died when she was still young. She was actually handed over to my mother by the elders of our village and who in turn handed her over to me when she was about to die. I was warned by my mother, never to drive her away, no matter what. Despite my husband’s opposition to my decision to bring her home, given his limited resources, I still held on to her. When she started sprouting, my husband called me to warn me against leaving her in the company of my younger brother. I ignored him because I thought my brother also took her as his sister. It wasn’t until recently I discovered that my brother was sleeping with her. It isn’t only that: she is three months pregnant and only 13. My faith doesn’t permit me to abort for her but what will I tell all the people who witnessed my mother giving her to me and her instruction that I look after her? If my daughter who is her age isn’t pregnant, what will I tell people? Besides, my husband has threatened to drive me out of the house if I don’t send her out of the house. He says he cannot continue to habour my brother, the girl and their unborn child. This trouble is too much for me. I don’t even know how I am going to confront the villagers with this development at all. My brother is 25; he has finished his university education and service year but is yet to secure a job. The issues are all beyond me. Confused Woman. Dear confused Woman, Sincerely you don’t have problems except the ones you are creating for yourself. In the first place, your brother didn’t deny responsibility for his actions. At least the unborn child has a father who is not just old enough but well equipped educationally to fend for his new family. He is more than outfitted to face the challenges of his life. A man old enough to appreciate the backside of a woman should be ready to face the outcome of that desire. The only unfortunate thing is the age of the girl involved. At 13, she is still very much a child herself, who should be under her mother’s watchful eyes. Perhaps this is where your real worry comes from. If your child who is her age isn’t pregnant, how come the one put under your care by the village is? Obviously something is wrong somewhere. There is no way, your daughter who should be her best friend wouldn’t know about the romance between the two. If your husband warned you about them, your daughter must have known unless of course, your ward isn’t going to school in which case, nobody is always around to witness the expression of their feelings for each other. This is the area you certainly have questions to answer because there is no way you will not be accused for negligence, especially as she committed the act right under your roof. For a young girl, who hasn’t become expert at disguising her feelings, she won’t have been able to disguise her emotions for your brother whenever she comes into contact with him. If you were around or observant of them, especially the young girl; you would have been able to deduce the exchange of romantic feelings between the two of them. Well, at this point, there is nothing you can do about the situation but to accept the inevitable. To protect your marriage, ask your brother to look for a place of his own so he can take her with him since it would be expecting too much for your husband to take on the responsibility of housing both of them. But for the sake of the young girl’s health, don’t be far from them. Until she puts to birth, continue to show interest in her welfare. This is important to avert another tragedy in the family; she remains your burden and ward. She can still go back to school after she puts to bed. By allowing her face the burden of her action is to school her in the course of discipline and setting the right priority in life. Furthermore, insist your brother doesn’t maltreat her and that he treats her with the respect she deserves afterall; if he found her woman enough to sleep with, he should find her woman enough to marry and keep. Although the case appears really bad, but it will blow over eventually as similar cases have done in the past. Just keep encouraging both of them; it is all you can do for now. Good luck,